April Snow
by haints
Summary: COMPLETE. Kenshin and Kaoru meet in the hospital after their respective spouses, Megumi and Sanosuke, got involved in a traffic accident. After learning that their partners have been having an adulterous relationship, the two begin one of their own.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; not even the original plot of the movie this fanfiction is based on._

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Kenshin sat at the highest tier of the amphitheater and, with wary eyes, surveyed his surroundings. The ground was almost lonesome. The night was chilly with the breath of early winter, but moments ago, the air seemed tight; blazing with thousands of people taking utmost delight from a live, powerful concert. Several bands performed with songs that, for Kenshin, sounded awfully alike and hackneyed: songs of love lost, found, unreciprocated, or left behind.

The concert lasted for about three and a half hours, all the while Kenshin was busy constantly turning and controlling switches for the lighting of the enormous stage. In the most severe cases, he would have to run backstage and other locations to adjust the floodlights' lens or to repair the gel films that had been blown off or wrecked.

After the concert, the amphitheater was as dead as the night. The stage that had been adorned in every corner with balloons and illumination of various colors now resembled a junk of steel and planks. The staff was nearly finished remounting several equipment and gears. And at the center of the platform was a high pile of collected paper cups, posters, and other litter left by the crowd.

Kenshin sat back and closed his eyes. He felt tired. It was funny now, remembering how they had planned for four months. The four months of endless spatial calculations, heated brainstorming, directorial consultations, and rushed constructions had ended in an imperceptible instance. He remembered the songs during the concert and how they made him feel old. When did he last sing a tune, or play a musical instrument? He did not know. All he knew was that his life was getting more and more dull- repetitiously dull. He woke up everyday almost at the same hour of the morning, went to his workplace, considered a design for the stage exterior, surveyed a possible theatre, met with his wife, and then made his way home. His life was merely a cycle, a routine of systematic occurrences, never changing.

Kenshin's musings were then interrupted when his cell phone chirped, its sound reverberating through the stillness of the night. He immediately retrieved it from his pocket and flipped it open.

"Hello?" Kenshin said rather uninterestedly, his weariness too apparent.

The voice that seeped from the other line was an unfamiliar one, hurried yet comprehensible. He delivered a message that seemed so rushed and vital. The next few words the person voiced succeeded to slip Kenshin in a state of mental numbness.

"Your wife has been in a traffic accident. I'm afraid she's in very grave condition."

Kenshin had to process the message twice before the implications wholly dawned on him. The police officer then proceeded to make arrangements and gave him directions as to where and how he could get to the place of the occurrence and the hospital where his wife had been admitted. He gave minor details about the accident and how the police authorities were conducting preliminary investigations. With one concluding message, the other line went busy with a click.

Kenshin frantically ran towards his auto, ignoring the horde of surprised and probing questions his acquaintances threw at him. He turned the key in the ignition and the machine stirred to life. He clenched the wheel and with one swift movement, pulled off from the side lane and onto the highway.

Twenty minutes later, it had begun to rain. Kenshin's jeep secluded him from all unwanted agitation and noise except for the soft swooshes the windshield wipers were creating in clearing the specks of the rain away. Silence was something Kenshin needed so much, and it was what the chances willingly gave him.

With furrowed brows and clenched jaw, Kenshin tried hard to estimate the amount of time it would take to get to the reported place and the least he figured was four hours. Kenshin gripped the wheel almost painfully. He had to get there fast; no, he had to get there in an instant. The roads were slippery, his vision was blurred by the strong surge of rain, and his body was starting to feel initial effects of fatigue. In spite of all this, Kenshin sped off- unfazed.

* * *

Kaoru rocked back and forth, as she tried to stop the tears that were slowly gathering in her eyes. She had been waiting outside the operating room for almost an hour now and any prospect of a doctor declaring her husband's safety seemed vaguely minimal.

Kaoru sighed heavily, tonight would be a very long night.

Earlier that day, she had been enjoying the comforts of their home, reading a recipe book so that she could prepare a dinner her husband would eat without mumbling a word of complaint or mockery. The report of Sanosuke's appalling car accident reached her through a phone call. Kaoru blanched. Instantly, she bolted out of her seat and hastily made crucial arrangements. She called several authorities involved and gathered as much information she knew she would need. Running into their room, she threw open a bag, grabbed whatever that was within reach, and scampered out.

There were enough available rides en route the location reported to her and Kaoru boarded the first train. She watched listlessly as the scenery flew by while her mind wandered restlessly. Her worry increased with every station that the train stopped by. Kaoru spent the majority of the ride over trying to optimistically convince herself that her husband would be just fine.

The electronic bell chimed and an automated voice broadcasted their arrival. Startled, Kaoru gathered her belongings and waited as the train pulled to a stop.

The town was located near the eastern coast of the country, shrouded by a welcoming atmosphere. It was a relatively undersized town, making it highly navigational, to which Kaoru was thankful for. There were few buildings and establishments here and there and the most recognizable among them was the small hospital with the prominent sign of medical cross on top of the structure. Kaoru found it almost instantly.

With unsure urgency, she approached the reception center and anxiously asked for the direction of the operation room. One of the medical personnel accordingly came out of the room and approached her with somewhat of a grave look on his face.

"Mrs. Sagara. I will be honest. I'm afraid we're having quite a hard time performing immediate operations on your husband."

Kaoru could only listen to the hurtful and apprehensive words the doctor had given her, her heart lurching irrepressibly inside her ribcage. Through a broken and hesitant voice, she spoke of the first thing she wanted to know.

"Is he going to be all right?"

The doctor faltered a bit and looked down. He adjusted the eyeglasses on the bridge of his nose and took a cumbersome sigh.

"That, we are not sure. The injuries he sustained are extremely critical," he said in a tone full of professional bluntness.

Kaoru sank into one of the waiting room chairs. Suddenly, all the unwanted thoughts and worries that had been claiming her lately came crashing down upon her with a profound weight. Thousands of negative possibilities invaded her mind, and before she knew it, tears began crowding her vision.

Through the haze of pessimistic contemplations, she heard running footsteps approaching. Kaoru stifled her sobs and straightened herself though she did not know the exact reason why there was a need to hide her grief. As she slowly perused the hospital hallway, the figure of a redhead materialized and she watched him from the corner of her eye. He stopped exactly a foot away from the double doors of the operating room and panted heavily. He leaned on the wall and through deep breaths attempted to regain his composure. He looked around and his gaze settled fleetingly upon Kaoru, which he at once withdrew.

Kaoru recognized a familiar emotion in his eyes and realized that he was under the same extreme anxiety as she was. The next thing she knew, the man had sat down opposite from her on the bench. His brows furrowed as he took in a heavy, shuddering breath.

It seemed as if the pair was waiting for an eternity. Kaoru, victorious in eluding the urge to cry again, now busied herself impassively staring at the lonely, empty lobby of the hospital, while the redhead was distinctly upset at being unable to reach some of his wife's relatives.

After some time, the man fell asleep. He was sitting rather uncomfortably with his legs crossed. Kaoru observed his heavy breathing and felt envious of the cherished rest and sleep. She checked her watch again and much to her disappointment found the numbers remained unchanged. With a sigh, she, crossed her arms, hung her head, and tried to gain some much-needed sleep. She would try to enjoy every bit of this nap, Kaoru told herself. She was quite sure that when she woke up, she would be greeted by things that were not as good as sleep.

* * *

Kenshin was awakened somewhat abruptly when his phone cheeped. The caller was the same officer, Kenshin briefly remembered, with the husky voice that informed him of the accident. This time the tone of his voice seemed calmer yet certainly more serious. He was inviting Kenshin to the police station where certain procedures and results of initial investigations would be explained. Kenshin hesitated for a while. He did not like the idea of leaving without knowing about any recent developments in Megumi's condition. However, the stiffness and authoritative tone in the officer's voice hinted to Kenshin that he should reconsider his attendance. This could also be a very good chance to seek answers to some of issues that had been baffling his mind for a while now.

Pushing the thought aside, Kenshin looked around him, and briefly realized that the woman sitting beside him last night was nowhere to be found.

After eating the bland and hastily prepared breakfast of instant noodles, Kenshin proceeded to the police station, quite nervous. He stepped out of his auto and realized that the noodles had done little to warm his body in the cold weather. Rubbing his hands together, he moved towards the front doors of the small building. There a tall man with a huge physique was leaning; he looked up as Kenshin approached.

"Mr. Himura?" He asked in a dignified, practiced manner and offered his hand.

Kenshin instantly recognized the low voice of the officer, and with a quick, half bow, shook his hand.

"I'm the head officer, the one in-charge of the car accident involving Megumi Himura and Sanosuke Sagara. If you could follow me, please, to our office I'm sure we could begin discussing and clearing things up," he motioned with his hand and with quick steps, Kenshin followed.

As they reached their destination, the officer pushed open a wooden door to reveal an average-sized room full of interconnected desks. Kenshin's attention was easily caught by the recognizable figure of a woman sitting in one of the seats. His eyes narrowed in a vain attempt to remember why her face seemed so familiar when the officer spoke.

"This is Kaoru Sagara," the police said motioning a hand towards the blue-eyed woman's direction. "The wife of Sanosuke Sagara, the other person involved in the accident."

Recognition darted across Kenshin's features as Kaoru stood up and met his gaze, rather surprised to reencounter the man she had met outside the operating room. Kaoru felt inexplicably uneasy. She managed a cautious nod though and immediately turned her attention back to the officer.

Kenshin reciprocated the bow, though he was not sure how willingly it was given to him. He took one of the available chairs and sat across the officer and beside Mrs. Sagara.

The two waited as the police officer retrieved several folders and spread out reports pertaining to the accident. He picked a particular collection of pictures gathered during the initial investigation and thumbed through it. It showed several angles and views of the cars involved.

"Sanosuke Sagara and Megumi Himura were driving relatively fast on Highway 7 at around 2:30 in the morning," the police stated in a droning accent. "The road was too slippery due to the copious sheet of snow covering it," he then pointed to a particular photo displaying the highway the way he had described it.

"The car apparently lost control over the slippery road and then crashed into a truck driving in the opposite direction. The container truck was a delivery one carrying products to be distributed in the city."

Kenshin and Kaoru listened carefully while examining photos showing the aforementioned vehicles that had toppled over. The crash was pretty ugly and it caused the premature death of the 20 year-old truck driver.

The officer looked up, his brows furrowed, looking as if he was bothered by a particular fact. "What troubles me is that it seems as if the two were not really in a business trip...maybe something more personal. Let's say, a private vacation," he trailed off quite unsure of how his audience would react to the information.

The pair initially looked at him almost expressionlessly. Their expressions then became curious and irritated.

"What do you mean?" Kaoru shot back with a tinge of bother. She did not like the idea that the officer was hinting with those words. Of course, she knew, no, she was fairly sure that Sanosuke's affairs were purely professional, nothing worthy of prejudicial suspicion.

The police sighed and readjusted the broad spectacles on his nose. "The truth is both Mrs. Himura and Mr. Sagara were under the influence of alcohol."

Kenshin looked up with eyes that were slightly dangerous, an eyebrow tilted to an angle of disbelief and uncertainty. It was now his turn to speak. "But it was never my wife's habit to drink," he said stiffly and seriously, his tone was to a certain extent challenging the officer's claims.

Kaoru didn't speak- she knew of his habits and it could never be a farfetched truth for Sano to be drunk.

"If you want you can check the hospital records, and I'm very sure that they will coincide with ours."

Silence followed, as Kenshin looked down, quite disconcerted at how justified the statements of the officer was.

"Though, it is still unknown who was driving; we found both of them lying outside the vehicle," the officer spoke again, interrupting the brief silence. "We will conduct further investigations. I hope you'll have the patience to bear with us."

After that, the officer motioned for them to follow him to a particular room where certain police items and materials were kept. He handed to them a huge box full of various belongings gathered from the crash site.

"There might be certain personal possessions that may belong to your respective spouses. You are free to take them home," the police said with a commanding tone, "Though you will have to excuse us, as we have retained some that are crucial to the investigation."

The pair sat opposite each other on a table. They had begun inspecting the pile of items and Kaoru became inexplicably nervous when her hand accidentally brushed against Kenshin's. Cautiously and quite hastily, Kaoru took anything that she thought she knew. A thick portfolio containing important papers, a box of Sanosuke's playing cards, an old black watch that he never thought of replacing, and an expensive pen that had been her gift to him this last Christmas.

Kenshin did the same and he rummaged through the belongings. He picked up anything recognizable: a small, brown shoulder bag, Megumi's cell phone, a set of her new make-up, a thick address book, and other various items.

Both Kenshin and Kaoru froze as their gazes focused on a singular item left in the box, either could not believe the reality of what was before them. A protracted and utterly uncomfortable silence shrouded the pair. Neither could understand why it was there and neither made a move to identify or pick it up. It was a condom.

Kaoru looked away and began organizing the things she had collected, a movement that Kenshin interpreted as her way of telling him that it didn't belong to her husband and that Sanosuke was a devoted man who didn't have a reason to own a contraceptive.

Slightly annoyed, Kenshin sighed noisily before finally picking it up and hiding it. Not because he was admitting that it actually belonged to Megumi but because the officer had returned and he wanted no more of the malicious suspicion people made about his wife.

The officer cleared his throat when he saw the pair finished up. He escorted them to where the vehicle used by Sanosuke and Megumi was. Kaoru winced at its appearance- it was a complete wreck. The doors had been crushed into ugly contortions, the windshield glass was entirely torn down, and there were several splotches of blood outlined on the black paint of the car. The police duly granted them access to see the insides of the vehicle.

Kaoru hesitantly went first, the car being her husband's. She looked at the shattered glasses and grimaced at the dried blood marks painted in a disturbing pattern almost everywhere within the car. Kaoru noticed a necklace with a green pendant hanging from the rear view mirror and knew instantly it was Sano's. She gingerly took it and inspected several other compartments. After making sure that she had not left anything, Kaoru uttered a remark to the officer and left at once, her pace was quick and resolute.

Kenshin noted the dull scent of jasmine Kaoru left in her trail before slowly approaching the car and the first thing he identified was Megumi's high-heeled shoe lying on the interior floor. He took it and painfully imagined the crash that had happened; he winced at the thought. Kenshin felt choked and the ugly remnants of the crash made it impossible for him to stay any longer. He hurriedly thanked the officer and left in the same fashion as Kaoru.

* * *

Kaoru returned to the hospital and realized the growing need for her to eat had increased exponentially. She went to the nearest cheap restaurant and ordered a meal which she hoped would enliven her senses.

When the food was served with a bowl of noodles and chopsticks in front of her, Kaoru realized that she was not as hungry as she had originally thought. She forcefully took small bites and sips. Immediately, she felt full, or more precisely, she had lost her appetite. She absently picked at her food, while a thousand thoughts ran chaotically in her mind.

What if Sano wasn't really on a business trip? What kind of business would involve a small town near the sea? Why was he alone and drunk with a woman? What if he'd had an affair with…Kaoru trailed off unsure and quite afraid of what the answer might be. She willed herself not to think of hurtful, prejudicial things. She would have to wait for Sanosuke and would trust only his words.

Kaoru then remembered the things that she had gathered from Sanosuke's car. Opening her bag, she first inspected the box of playing cards. She briefly remembered that gambling and drinking were the two things she hated most about Sano. She had always reprimanded him like a child about the uselessness and of gambling but Sano never listened, often drowning her voice by singing a particularly raucous song. Kaoru could only sigh and mumble at her husband's well-developed, and sometimes irksome, obstinacy. But, there was one incident when she threw out his most favorite set of playing cards and Sano almost shed tears of frustration. Kaoru smiled weakly at the memory.

Returning the box back to her bag, she then retrieved the portfolio. She opened it and a small digital camera inside caught her attention. Studying the camera, she pressed several nameless buttons and it suddenly clicked to life. Kaoru was stunned when it abruptly began playing a rather explicit video. It displayed Sanosuke and a woman, she recognized as Megumi Himura, sharing a hot, passionate kiss. They are both half- naked, lying on a bed flirting back and forth with shrill laughter that sent Kaoru into a daze.

She felt something inside her shatter, and she could not breathe. Gingerly, she brought a trembling hand to her mouth as a broken sob threatened to escape her composure and unbidden tears crowded her vision. The video played on, clearly presenting the physical evidences of Sano and Megumi's deceptive romance. Kaoru covered the display screen of the camera and turned it off. She inhaled sharply and faltered, trying so hard to fight off the profound hurt that was rapidly seeping into the deepest crevices of her heart.

In a trance and waveringly, Kaoru stood up and went outside, irresolute of where she would be heading. She wandered aimlessly along the streets, her misty eyes reflecting pure defeat and pain. If not for the appropriate and unsoiled clothes she was wearing, she could have easily resembled a street child: pathetic and heartbroken.

Kaoru now stood on a deserted road, watching as the flaming disk of the sun retreated to the brink of the world, painting the sky with thousand streaks of ethereal color and sparkle. Despite the grand view of beauty and brilliance the natural world had generously offered her, Kaoru felt dead. The constricting pain in her heart seemed much more real and profound than the splendor of the sundown or the sea around her. She looked lost and vulnerable, as if the slightest waft could easily blow her away to an incessant abyss where no one can restrain her from falling down or take her back.

She did not need any verbal affirmations from Sano, the video was evidence enough that he had betrayed her and their sacred tie for another woman.

Inexplicably, Kaoru's feet dragged her to where she least wanted to be: the hospital. She was then informed that Sanosuke, still in coma, had been moved out of the operating room and was now in the ICU. She felt reluctant. Kaoru could have felt excited at seeing Sano after the operations, she could have rushed towards the room to attend to him like the conventional and ideal wife she had always tried to be.

Nevertheless, her feet dragged her to where Sano was and now she stood beside his bed. Kaoru stared blankly at him and felt as if she was being torn in two. Half of her was filled with doubtful and accusing questions. But another half of her felt pity for her life-partner who was combating an unknown battle deep in his sleep.

Kaoru sat down and touched Sano's forehead. "Fight. You have to fight to live. If not for me, at least for the very explanations that I deserve."

* * *

_A/N: My very first attempt, please tell me what you think about it. _:)


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I could only wish I own Kenshin._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Kenshin nervously sat down next to Megumi's bed. He had been watching her unresponsive form for almost an hour now, in deep hopes that she might hear his pleas and stir to life. She didn't. Earlier that day, the doctors had informed him that there was a great possibility that Megumi would be in a coma for the next few weeks.

With a trembling hand, he took Megumi's in his own and caressed it delicately. She did not respond to his touch; not even a twitch. The only thing that revealed the fact that she was alive was the constant and almost superficial rise and fall of her chest.

He took a heavy, quivering breath.

Just then, Kenshin was rather surprised when he felt a light touch that latched on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw the familiar and much cherished face of his father-in-law, Mr. Genzai. The old man tried to smile despite the situation, but he was unsuccessful in masking the worry and gloom he was truthfully feeling. Kenshin stood up and made way for him as Mr. Genzai approached Megumi and gazed at her face. With a shaky hand, he brushed some of loose strands of hair away and kissed her forehead.

Kenshin looked down and was silent. Megumi was an only child and he was quite certain at the inner torment the father might be feeling at the dreadful fate of her beloved daughter.

After the short gesture, the aged man turned up to him with a resilient face. "You must be tired and hungry," he said in a tone full of concern, "Let's go eat somewhere."

The father and son in-law found a second-rate restaurant along the road. They found their seats and ordered something soothing for the cold weather of the season. They kept their eyes to their own bowl of food and ate without words. Kenshin observed as the old man took small bites of his rations, while he himself had entirely forgotten about his own. Realization hit him and he forced himself to eat. If he wanted to take good care of Megumi, he would have to be strong. Halfway through, Kenshin broke the lonely silence when something clicked in his mind.

"Could you stay here for a day or so?" He asked cautiously, his words slurring. "There are urgent things in the city I left unfinished."

Mr. Genzai looked up expectantly and nodded, his silent countenance comforting.

Kenshin managed a weak smile as a token of his gratitude.

* * *

The traffic was unbelievably decongested, something Kenshin had relished. He reached the city in half the time it usually required. Feeling tired and sick, he decided to have a quick bath in an attempt to wash away the despair that clung to his soul.

Kenshin soaked and lingered in the bath. He groaned in appreciation as the warm water relieved his aching muscles and recharged him somewhat. He was almost disinclined to depart from the comforts of the bath when he remembered some things requiring his examination. Kenshin tentatively eased out of the tub and changed into a new set of clothes.

He went over his bag and retrieved some of the things he gathered from the crash site: Megumi's cell phone, wallet, several folders, and other miscellaneous items. Emptying the contents of his wife's small bag, Kenshin was quite surprised when he heard a sound of silver hitting the tiled floor: it was Megumi's wedding band. Gingerly, he picked it up while his eyes narrowed in grave confusion and incertitude: _why was she not wearing it?_ A thousand thoughts raced wildly in his mind; while most of them were out of suspicion, a very few were out of denial. Just as his mind was beginning to overanalyze and a possible answer slowly materialized, Kenshin immediately pushed the thought aside.

He inspected her cell phone. Turning the power button on, Kenshin was rather disappointed when it displayed a note saying the need to enter a six-digit code. He paused for a while and thought of Megumi. Her birth date popped in his mind and tried it on the code, cautiously pressing the keys. To his dismay, the phone chirped and announced it to be incorrect. Kenshin tried their wedding anniversary next. He pressed the keys in haste and yet again he was disappointed.

Kenshin sighed and scurried to his table. He began listing several set of numbers that may possibly be Megumi's lock code. After the list was finished, he immediately tried each one of it, crossing out most of them. Repeatedly, it displayed the same note of incorrect code. Kenshin's patience began to wear thin; he was near the end of the list when the phone repeated the same message that he so hated.

Kenshin felt agitated. With an angry and frustrated yelp, he threw the phone against the cushions of the sofa and muttered a curse. He put his head on the desk, feeling defeated. What could be in this phone that Megumi had to even put a code? Sighing wearily, Kenshin put out the lights and went to bed.

Morning rolled in and Kenshin blinked as the sunlight passing through the windowpane hit him directly on the face. He rolled over, trying to elude the shafts of sunlight, but to no avail. With an incoherent grumble, he kicked off the blankets and prepared for work.

He stepped off right in front of the small building and with a quick, resolute pace, he headed directly to his boss' office. His boss, a fat, balding man, regarded him with a curt nod and motioned for him to sit down. Kenshin immediately explained what had currently happened and presented a letter asking for his temporary leave.

After finishing some paperwork, Kenshin at once headed back to the hospital, stopping at home to pack several things he and Megumi would need. He collected several sets of clothes, a considerable amount of money, certain utensils, toiletries, and other miscellaneous items.

Kenshin had been informed earlier by the considerate nurses about the hotel just adjacent the hospital. It would be a convenient place to settle for a while, not only because of its close proximity to the hospital but also because of the low room rates they offered. He unloaded the suitcases and bags from the boot of the car. Kenshin slowly approached the reception desk and asked for his room keys. The receptionist gave him a warm welcome with a smile, to which he duly responded.

As he walked cautiously through the lobby, he saw someone and stopped in his tracks. Mrs. Sagara was locking the door of her room that was opposite his own. Looking up, her gaze collided with his and an indifferent silence descended upon them. Kaoru frantically broke the eye contact. She did not know why but she wanted to be out of his presence as quickly as possible. Kenshin also went on unlocking his room door and just did not notice when Kaoru shot him somewhat of a wry glance.

Kenshin busied himself in his room. He unloaded the suitcases and put the clothes tidily inside the cabinet. After his handiwork, he surveyed the space and felt satisfied at his effort.

Feeling tired, he sat on the bed and pondered. He could not forget what the officer may be hinting in stating that Megumi and Sanosuke Sagara seemed as if the they were not really on a business trip. Was it possible that the two were having something clandestine and personal? Something they were attempting to conceal from the rest of the world? These questions had been circling quite maliciously in his mind and he did not like the thought. He knew Megumi so well and was quite sure she would not do anything so detestable. But he wanted to be so sure, he wanted to know everything and be reassured that definitely Megumi did not have anything private with Sanosuke Sagara.

The memory of Megumi's cell phone briefly flashed before his eyes. At once, he retrieved it and again made a list of possible codes, painstakingly remembering dates and names that were closely associated to her. Kenshin tried each of the codes carefully. After the eight attempt, the phone accepted the code and it flashed a welcome note.

_Finally_, Kenshin thought. Gingerly, he pressed the shortcut key for Messages and then chose 'Inbox.' Kenshin felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when the inbox displayed numerous messages from Sanosuke. He scrolled down and down, and all he saw was a never-ending series of Sanosuke's name. With a sigh, he opened a particular message. In that moment, all the trust in the world he'd had in Megumi was shattered to pieces.

_Oye, you were wonderful last night._

Kenshin went on, ignoring the dull throbbing in his heart. With a shaky hand, he opened another random message.

_I hope. I've been eyeing this vacation offer. I heard of its great beaches and sunsets. Mind taking a leave? Work here has been getting unbelievably unexciting._

_I don't think so. She's mighty clueless, poor woman. And yeah, bring the camera._

_My hair looks great, what the hell are you talking about. I'll be there around four in the afternoon. See you there, FOX. Take care._

After the fourth message, Kenshin stopped. He suddenly felt weak and reclined on the bed for support. It was all clear now, he thought. It was foolish of him to try to contradict the bitter truth. It was smothering his senses, crashing upon his mind with force, and screaming with clearness so loud and revealing.

* * *

Kaoru sat beside Sanosuke and realized that her water bottle was much lighter than it used to be. Realizing the need to refill it, she took the bottle and walked to the water station at the far end of the long ward. She passed through the other patients in the ward and avoided looking at their pitiful forms. After refilling her bottle, Kaoru turned around to return, but her eyes caught sight of a woman subject of her curious interest.

Kaoru hesitated for a moment but her mind pleaded for a quick detour. Cautiously, she walked over to the bed and looked at the unconscious woman. She observed her features- typical physique, very fair skin, long, silky black hair, pert nose, and thin lips. Almost immediately, Kaoru felt jealous. She was fine-looking, Kaoru thought; Megumi Himura truly was an epitome of a physically remarkable woman.

Maybe Kaoru was too busy enviously studying the woman that she did not notice when someone walked over.

"What are you doing?"

Kaoru was startled. She turned around and saw Kenshin standing some feet from her with sort of a vexed look on his face. Immediately and without any other word, Kaoru brushed past him and went out of his presence, back to Sanosuke's bed.

Kenshin watched Kaoru's beeline and contemplated. Maybe she, too, already knew about Sanosuke and Megumi's true relation. Kenshin debated with himself, he wanted to know Sanosuke too, to see what this man looked like or how appalling the injuries he sustained were. Making up his mind in a split of a second, Kenshin slowly walked to where Sanosuke Sagara's bed was.

Kaoru was surprised; Kenshin's presence rendered her speechless. She looked up and their gazes locked together and both looked away uneasily. Kenshin shifted his critical gaze to Sanosuke's impassive form, and almost instantly, he lost interest.

Turning to leave, Kenshin paused and looked over his shoulder.

"I guess we both know the truth now."

* * *

The night rolled by and was accompanied by a gush of rain. Kaoru huddled deeper and tighter inside her sheets. She shut her eyes tightly and tried hard to gain that much-relished sleep, but she failed for the hundredth time. Kaoru sat up, quite annoyed, and blamed the searing headache she had for the lost sleep. With a huff, she stood up, got dressed, and dashed out of the room.

Kaoru headed to the nearest pharmacy, somewhere along the vicinity of the hospital. Urgency apparent in her movements, Kaoru walked with firm, rushed steps. She reached the pharmacy and hurriedly asked the salesperson for tablets with quick relief for headache and the man duly responded. Kaoru waited, quickly surveying some items in the shop as the cashier punched in the purchase she made. Retrieving the package, she then turned to leave when the glass door opened to reveal a recognizable face, Kenshin Himura. He watched her face impassively and Kaoru eluded the eye contact. She ducked her head and immediately exited the store.

Kaoru started back to the hotel, hastily. She did not know what it was but there was something in that man's presence that made her quite uneasy. Perhaps it was his close association with Megumi, the woman she had come to hate, or perhaps it was the little coldness she believed saw in his amber eyes. In addition, that man told her bluntly that he knew the reality of the affair between their respective spouses. That incident had clarified and emphasized the truth that was distinctly hurtful to Kaoru.

Sighing, Kaoru came to realize that maybe tonight was the right time to clear things up. It would be, after all, a very stupid choice to let pass the chance in knowing the full truth.

Standing at the entrance of the hotel, Kaoru waited for him. She watched as the rain fell steadily around her in a soft drizzle. After a minute or so, Kenshin's figure materialized through the rain. He looked up to her; his bangs were a little wild with soft drips of water.

"How...," Kaoru started nervously, "How did you find out?"

Kenshin removed the hood of his jacket from his head and forced his gaze away from her face. He did not want to answer such hurtful and delicate question. This was however, the very first time Kaoru ever had taken the initiative to talk to him and it would be utterly rude disappointing her.

"I read through her phone messages," he answered uninterestedly with a sigh, "You?"

"I read his, too. And…," Kaoru hesitated for a second; she stooped her head low and continued. "I was able to retrieve a camera in Sano's portfolio though I don't think it is his," Kaoru said in a rather apologetic tone. "It belongs to Megumi. I'm sorry, I'll return it to you now."

Kenshin looked at her curiously. Now there was another revelation he was yet to find out about his dishonest wife. Kaoru looked at him and without a word, she started walking to the general direction of the elevators.

Kaoru reached her room, with Kenshin in tow, and began rummaging through her bureau for the little black camera. She found it almost instantly. She stuck her head out through the door and found Kenshin leaning on the opposite wall. She gave him the item unceremoniously and devoid of remark. She was about to shut the door when Kenshin halted the movement. Kaoru looked up at him.

"This might seem forward," Kenshin spoke cautiously, his mind searching for the apt words to say, "But would you allow me to read Sanosuke's messages?"

* * *

Kaoru agreed and now they found themselves sitting quietly in a nearby, middling café. Kenshin had forthwith begun reading through Sanosuke's phone messages. Furrowing his brows and taking deep breaths in unfathomable disappointment and frustration as he read exchanged messages further confirming his wife's deception. The messages generally contained arrangements of their secret rendezvous and little glimpses to their adulterous romance.

Kaoru had been long finished, or more specifically, had long given up reading. She slid the phone cautiously across the table and waited for him. She could not take it- seeing that video was enough torment for her. She did not need any more pain than she had already felt. Instead, she busied herself blankly staring at raindrops falling and dripping on the glass window of the café.

After a few minutes, Kenshin was finished. He looked lost; he could not focus his mind on anything but the dreary sore in his heart. He looked up and met Kaoru's same and expectant daze. With a sigh, Kenshin managed a weak smile and a bow, before retrieving Megumi's phone and camera and returning to his room.

Kenshin sat at the edge of his bed and turned the power button of the camera on. The video then played on, breaking his heart carefully into pieces. He forcefully tore his gaze away from it, and his eyes started to mist. He suddenly felt weak, as if all the energy had been drained from his body, as he heard Megumi's shrill laughter from the video.

Seeing the actual, physical evidences of Megumi's betrayal, Kenshin now was wallowing in the depths of misery. It was very much clearer: whatever qualms, or denials, or uncertainties about his wife's infidelity he had before were now solidified into an unmistakable and painful truth.

A single question viciously consumed him. _Why_? He kept muttering to himself. He explored the deepest recesses of his memory for the possible answers, but desisted when he realized that he would not succeed in finding even one, because the answers were all in Megumi's locked world.

With a shaky sigh, he walked away and exited his hotel room.

* * *

Time passed softly and with very little presence. The next night, Kenshin had not been able to stay any longer by Megumi's bedside and found himself pointlessly wandering the streets of the minute town. Thinking that perhaps a good, hard drink was the best way to reduce not just the cold sensation of the winter season but also the defeat he was feeling, Kenshin found a drinking tent alongside a road. He settled in a particular corner and ordered several bottles of strong liquor.

He drank more than what he knew he could handle. His vision was starting to blur and wobble, and he was already feeling a searing headache. In spite of this, Kenshin continued to gulp and take swigs out of his bottle. With a slurring voice, he sang vociferously to himself of songs that he could barely remember.

He sang a certain line shakily and out-of-tune, swaying in his place as he did so. Kenshin began shouting, emptying the bitter contents of his heart. It was enough to catch the attention of some people in the place. Kenshin did not mind, the alcohol already taking full effect on him.

With watery eyes, Kenshin continued quenching his feelings of betrayal, alone with liquor and sad songs. He earned many curious stares and remarks for his coarse behavior. While others were out of curiosity or annoyance, a very few were out of pity. But he did not care, no, he would not. All he knew was he was hurting; and no one could interrupt his own descent into hell.

After an unidentifiable amount of time, Kenshin paid for his bills and went out, much to the vendor's relief. As he stumbled and groped his way back to the hotel, the snow began to fall in greater quantities.

Despite the effects of the liquor he had consumed, Kenshin felt cold.

* * *

Kaoru, in her dark room, took a gulp from her mug of beer and gazed into its endless amber pool. She burped loudly and smiled crazily to herself. Hah, she had been cheated. She had asked herself the questions 'Why?' and 'What have I done wrong?' for an unidentifiable time now and still her search for reasons was so futile. Thinking that perhaps the answers were to be found somewhere along the past, Kaoru willed her mind to wander back to the four years they shared as a couple.

It was perfect, Kaoru thought. She could only remember good memories that she thought would last forever. Out-of-town vacations, birthday celebrations, wedding anniversaries, and even every ordinary day was a day to remember for both of them. She had always been contented in Sano's mere presence and she had never even once questioned or doubted his devotion to her. To her standards, he was sweet and gentle in very unusual manners and could easily pass as the most wonderful man she had ever met.

But now, Kaoru was not so sure.

She buried her face into her knees and sighed. Why? Where did she go wrong? She had given him anything she thought he'd needed and he had seemed perfectly pleased with it. What happened to the sweet and soothing words he used to tell her so often? What happened to the joyful faces they wore in every photo they had shared? What happened to the steadfast vows he uttered the day they tied the knot? What happened to the tender kisses and protective embraces that he often gave her when she was disheartened?

Kaoru had no idea.

All she was now only aware of was the bitter detestation she was feeling towards him. She had been toyed with so foolishly. Kaoru's blue eyes turned hard as steel.

"Bastard," she whispered bitterly, voice laced with acid.

Finding her mug empty, she was about to stand up to get another can of beer when she heard a loud, uneven banging on her door. Curiously, she went and opened it, only to find a drenched and drunk Kenshin sitting childishly on the floor in the hall.

Kenshin looked up at her, his features tainted with weariness, and he stood up with lack of balance. Unaware of himself and the things around him, Kenshin tilted his head and stared at her critically. He let out a forced chuckle.

"We are the losers," Kenshin stated absurdly, his words slurring and his breath reeking with alcohol. "You…are a loser," he said, daringly pointing a finger in Kaoru's face.

Kaoru looked up at him defiantly, taking in the pained look in his eyes and the wretched appearance he wore. For the first time, she looked directly into his golden eyes and found the same emotions she had, swirling within them. They were mirrored so alike and so perfectly, that she could almost tell they were one and the same. Kenshin repeated the sentence over and over in a singsong tune and Kaoru winced at the truth of his statement.

Then Kenshin became strident, and she suddenly became annoyed. There were few people sticking their heads out to see what the commotion was all about and she hated being involved. Before she could pointedly excuse herself, Kenshin walked away and started towards his room.

Kenshin closed the door behind him and he stumbled to the floor. He hugged his knees and buried his face. The night was deep and cold. The room was soundless and still. Everything seemed at peace. Yet inside him, it was chaotic, as if the world was crumbling rapidly to pieces.

With a quivering breath, Kenshin broke down.

* * *

The sun was high in the sky. Kenshin had woken much earlier out of trained habit. Kenshin hesitated going to the hospital that day but he knew had to go. But Kenshin was not returning to her side with the same reasons that he had the first time. He would still give his wife support and care but not out of compassion or intimacy. Instead, it was out of the_need_ to be there because she was his wife, she was carrying his name. That was it- nothing more special or cherished.

Sitting beside Megumi's bed, he watched her unmoving form and felt out of place. He could not breathe; he wanted to be out of her presence, to be as far from her as possible.

At first, he just considered it as Megumi's unwanted mistake, unintentional. He wanted her to come to consciousness so they could discuss things over, settle with a decision, forget everything, and live in peace again. He felt as if he could easily pardon Megumi the moment she would cry and ask for his forgiveness.

Now, he felt the absolute opposite.

After watching that explicit video, which was the single, most defining evidence of her and Sanosuke's adulterous affair, Kenshin felt wildly mad. His heart became filled with irrepressible anger and spite that forgiveness, he thought, was just impossible. Kenshin felt as if the love he had harbored for her over the years they were married seeped out of his being as fast as anger took over him.

His hands fisted into firm grasps. His eyes narrowed and flashed hues of amber and flecks of gold.

"You should have just died."


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I could only wish I own Kenshin._

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Daybreak had passed and the sun shone with all its glory upon the land. For many, a bright, dawning day symbolized hope and renewal, something to anticipate and celebrate. But for Kaoru, it was just another day to be reminded of Sanosuke's' sinful unfaithfulness.

Sometimes, when Kaoru found herself impassively staring at Sano's form, certain views and angles from _that_ explicit video would unexpectedly flash before her eyes and irrepressibly replay in her mind. It would linger and whirl in her consciousness for a while, rousing in her fierce emotions of hatred and hurt. It made her feel disgusted to think that she had a husband capable of such immoral behaviors. It would make her want to distance herself from Sano, to be as far from him as possible, in a place where no one could remind her of how utterly misled and pitiful she was.

But there was something always holding her back, tapping her conscience vehemently, and telling her how exclusively bound she must be to Sano. It was an absolute imperativeness- one she could never neglect, something forcefully commanding her to stay and look after her bedridden husband.

It was responsibility, as a wife, as a woman.

As she was bounded by responsibility she now was doing halfheartedly, Kaoru found herself walking to the general direction of the ICU. When she reached the ward, Kaoru saw a familiar redhead sitting in one of the lobby benches, his brows burrowed as if struggling with a deep internal conflict and his eyes glued to his hands. Sighing, he looked up and his gaze caught Kaoru's. He immediately shot out of his seat and walked towards her with a definite pace.

Kaoru tried eluding him and continued on her way as if she did not distinguish who he really was. She just stopped in her tracks when she felt a light hand latch onto her wrist. Kaoru shook off his hand and refused to return the look he had given her.

"I'd like to apologize about the other night," Kenshin softly said after withdrawing his hold on her. "I'm very sorry," he said genuinely and made a rather deep bow.

Kaoru looked up at him and nodded in understanding before proceeding on her way. It was not that she was really angry at the incident; she had glimpsed the pain behind his questioning eyes and she just couldn't deal with him right now.

* * *

Lunch rolled around and Kaoru got a message from their assigned public prosecutor holding the case of the traffic accident that he wanted to see both Kenshin Himura and Kaoru Sagara. She was first to arrive at the designated meeting place. The prosecutor, an elderly man, busied himself by meticulously reading some legal papers and signing his name where it was needed while they waited for the other party. Kaoru contented herself with watching the man rather uninterestedly.

After a minute or two, Kenshin finally turned up and the old man made way for him. He murmured a diminutive and apologetic remark before sitting beside Kaoru. Then the prosecutor began explaining some of the legal issues surrounding the case.

"I'm telling you, it will not be easy settling with the victim's family," the prosecutor stated with a cautionary voice and bothered expression. The creases and indentions on his forehead deepened.

"The victim was so young, he turned 20 just last month."

Kenshin listened silently, the solemn look of the prosecutor mirrored on his face. Kaoru's shoulder slumped with a heavy sigh as she watched her hands on her lap. Silence ensued and the pair seemed uncomfortable.

"Regardless of who was driving the vehicle used or who was really at fault in this whole, dreadful circumstance, whether Sanosuke or Megumi," the old man broke the terse silence and adjusted the thick spectacles on his nose, "It'd be best if the both of you attended the victim's funeral."

* * *

The ride was fairly quiet, except for the slight grating of gravel along the tar road. They were headed somewhere along the outskirts of the province. Kenshin and Kaoru shared each other's company devoid of any word or remark.

Kaoru was fascinated with watching the scenic landscape flew by. She watched, quite in awe, as the rolling fields stretched endlessly towards the horizon to meet the towering mountains ahead. There were old-fashioned countryside houses scattered over the land and observing the people's simple and peaceful life made her feel somehow envious.

Kenshin focused on the road. He was busy looking for certain signposts that would easily direct them to where the minute village they were heading to was located. He drove off an exit ramp and onto a small local road. The stone beaten trail then directed them to a group of old houses flocked together in a small semi-circle. Kenshin announced their obvious arrival and Kaoru duly responded. She immediately stepped out of the jeep, even as Kenshin made an obvious gesture signifying that he would open the car door for her.

Kenshin started walking towards the direction of the funeral, but quickly halted when he realized Kaoru wasn't following. He turned around to face her and only then did he notice the fear that tainted her features.

She was quite unsure if she wanted, or if she even had the strength to witness the consequences of Sano's ill deeds. Kaoru leaned on the car for a moment and took in a quivering breath. Deep in thought, she swiftly realized how unfair for Kenshin if she left him alone to meet the unquestionably devastated relations of the victim.

Kaoru was brought out of her contemplations when Kenshin's figure invaded her vision. His lips curved into a small, reassuring smile before gesturing to the direction of the funeral. She nodded and together they walked towards it.

There was a small gathering around the open space in front of the family's old-fashioned bungalow. Few tents were situated to provide shade for the population in the funeral. People with matching looks of sadness shared a small repast around a big table. Some were having wordless conversations and others took time playing board games to fight off the sleepy heat of the afternoon. A melancholic aura utterly engulfed the whole area and Kaoru immediately felt guilty.

Kenshin and Kaoru approached the miniature house, to pay their respects and make bows where necessary. An elderly woman then came forward, forcedly putting a smile on her tired and aged visage despite the situation.

"Are you friends of our beloved son?" the woman asked with her sad, raspy voice while offering them available seats around the area.

The pair managed a very low bow and they both denied the question. The old woman continued looking at them inquisitively with her puffy, cheerless eyes, and they both sensed the need to make their identities known. Kenshin courageously took the opportunity to introduce himself first.

"Condolences," Kenshin stated in a rather mournful and apologetic voice. He kept his head low and then delicately chose his words. "I am the husband of the one who brought about this dreadful accident," he managed through a shuddering and uneasy breath, "I'm so sorry."

As soon as the words left his mouth, the woman's face broke into a contorted expression of hurt and grief. She collapsed slowly to one of the nearest stool and depended on it for support. She began crying, putting a hand over her chest. What began as a collection of mourning sobs now became a series of broken wails. The weeps became louder and Kenshin and Kaoru could no longer meet the eyes of the victim's family.

Shortly, the attention of the whole population in the funeral was focused on them. A middle-aged woman, carrying food and drinks, approached to see what the uproar was all about. Cautiously, she drew near Kaoru, who had been silent and downcast for a while now, with a concerned look on her face.

"How about you," her voice started to tremble with possibly anger and pain, "What is your connection with my brother?"

Kaoru found herself afraid and unable to meet her inquiring gaze. She had figured that the woman was also one of the closest relatives of the victim and just as grieved. Slowly, she made a stooping bow and echoed the same words Kenshin had mentioned earlier.

"I'm the wife of the one who caused the terrible accident," Kaoru uttered meekly. And with pure regret in her eyes, voice laden with sadness, she added, "I'm so sorry."

The woman at once dropped everything in her hands and, with eyes that were fierce and angry, she advanced dangerously close to Kaoru. She slapped her harshly across the face and started pulling out Kaoru's hair with a mighty force. Kaoru did not or, more correctly, chose not to retaliate or defend herself against the cruelty. She was never and would never be in the right place to do so.

Kenshin, hearing Kaoru's broken sobs, sensed the need for his immediate actions. He went between the two and tried to hide Kaoru behind the protection of his back. Kenshin could only be silent as the woman hit him recklessly and tried to shove him out of the way at the same time.

Maybe Kenshin was too busy trying to comprise with Kaoru's share of cruelty from the distressed woman that he did not notice when a man, who was equally indignant, turned upon him.

The man, without any warning, hit Kenshin squarely in the face. "Return my brother back to us!" He yelled frenziedly with pure antagonism and pain.

Kenshin lurched to the floor; he did not expect the blow. The man was about to do the same move again but several people, who had realized the risk of the episode, rushed forward to stop the hysterical man.

"Go to hell!"

The man looked up at them, angry tears slipping down his washed-out face. Resisting against the arms impeding his movements, the man let loose a string of biting remarks and curses that was aimed particularly at Kenshin and Kaoru.

The old mother, who had been in the corner crying her heart out, now decided to take control of the unpleasant situation. She went over the pair and pleaded for them to leave. Kenshin and Kaoru hesitated at first. They remained rooted to their own positions: frozen, shaken, hushed, and with downcast gazes.

"Please," the old woman said through beseeching moans and she frantically waved them off with her hands.

"Just leave," she could not say anything more. Her words were choked by sobbing.

* * *

The ride back to the hotel was even more silent than the journey over. Kaoru had been trying so hard to halt the sobs that were recklessly escaping her composure, but to no avail. Her mind kept replaying the awful incidents. And she felt extremely at fault. Why did an innocent have to lose his life as a consequence of another's ill deeds?

Feeling that she could no longer avoid the urge to break down, Kaoru spoke with a tone of slight discomfort and defeat.

"Please stop the car."

Kenshin's golden eyes glittered as he slung her a concerned look. He accordingly responded to her request and he pulled over smoothly to the side lane and cautiously parked the car.

Kaoru without delay exited the car. She crossed the narrow highway and went to the opposite side, where there was a great view of vast fields that extended into the sunset. With a sigh of defeat, Kaoru collapsed to her feet and then let all the despair take over her senses. She buried her face in her hands and cried. What began as a sequence of sobs now became a collection of tormenting wails. Pain, guilt, sadness, anger- they all fused to give her a burden so profound that Kaoru felt as if she was being crushed beneath it. And the saddest part was that the only person she thought would deliver her from all of it was also the same reason why she was in so much sorrow. Sanosuke left her so alone to face the miseries that he had been so responsible of, and she felt helpless being placed in such a position.

Kaoru cried her heart out, uncaring no more of the breathing world around her.

Through the side mirror, Kenshin observed her movements and sadly tore his gaze away from Kaoru. He took a long, heavy breath and looked down. The ugly incidents at the funeral had made him comprehend that his life partner, Megumi, had just been accountable for so much ill deeds- a horrendous affair, a shattered trust, a vanished life, a grieved family, and sorrow for him and for Kaoru. He looked up and studied Kaoru again, and in reality, he felt like crying too. He slammed his hand on the wheel in front of him, hoping that he could remove the remorse and hurt he harbored within his heart.

After debating with himself, Kenshin stepped out of the car and hesitantly, he approached Kaoru. He made sure to keep a considerable distance between himself and her. His gaze settled upon the stretching fields around them and his mind wandered perpetually. From the first time, he knew about the clandestine affair, to the night he broke down and admitted the cruel truth, to the time he felt bitter resentment and ultimate anger at Megumi's infidelity, and to the grief they had brought to the family that was innocent and unworthy of it. Kenshin thought about all of it and he stared at Kaoru crying her anguish to the heavens. He realized that he was not as alone, that beside him and under the same sky, there was another soul suffering the severe hurt and frustration he was.

A storm of painful realizations could easily trigger a flood of overwhelming sadness. Kenshin did not know what to say or what to do. He felt lonely and helpless.

As he listened to the whispers of a profound hurt, slowly, Kenshin had come to comprehend that two hearts in deep desolation could easily be linked and be assuaged by threads of their mutual pain.

The air was filled with Kaoru's sobs that echoed through the night and Kenshin could not do anything but listen impassively. He looked at her with so much compassion in his eyes; no pity but pain at their common burden. Kenshin decided that he would have to stand there by her. No, it was beyond his plan and verbal ability to offer Kaoru extravagant words of comfort, but hoped that somehow his mere presence would be enough- enough to tell her that that he too was sorry, that he too was lonely, and that he too was hurting.

The bowl of dark night was beginning to deepen. The stars were starting to shine its weak light from the heavens. There was a placid, quiet wind dancing among the blades of grass. Truly, grief could easily make one hour ten. The pair did not move an inch. After what seemed like an eternity, Kaoru finally managed to compose herself and stood up. Without a word, she walked back to the vehicle, wiping the remnants of her tears. Kenshin slowly followed.

Kaoru now found herself on the passenger seat and Kenshin next her. He gave her an encouraging look before starting the car for their journey home.

Thirty minutes later snow began to fall heavily, and their surrounding was suddenly dim white, profusely covered by the fine shreds of the snow. The series of streetlamps appeared as blurry orange orbs that indistinctly provided a faint light along the stretch of shadowy, obscure road ahead of them. Kenshin decided to drive ever so slowly and carefully, giving them a bundle of time to be introspective and yet be so much aware of each other's presence. The silence was impeccable. But between the pair, it was the most amiable of its kind; the two cherished and chose to preserve it.

Kaoru had been watching the windshield wipers slowly washing the fragments of snow away and she realized that following its movements was actually adding up to the weariness of her puffy eyes. Slowly, she diverted her gaze and snuck a peek towards Kenshin. His golden eyes glittered with every street light that they passed by. Kaoru sighed with relief and, somehow, security.

She was not as alone as she had thought.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Standard disclaimer applies. Sorry for the long wait. I was having so many doubts about this chapter. Please read and review._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

It was almost seven in the afternoon. The winter temperature had been dropping relatively low and the sheets of snow covering the roads were unjustly thickening. Time seemed like a great sloth, deliberate and protracted.

All day Kaoru had been by Sano's bedside, mutely observing the almost shallow rise and fall of his chest. Sometimes, in grave ennui, she would thumb through the pages and read a classic novel or stare off to the window and watch as leafless trees sway gently with the cool breeze.

Without her notice, time passed until it was almost dark and the first faint twinkle of the stars appeared in the sky. An appointed nurse came and accordingly reminded her of the time policy observed in the ICU. She nodded and at once began rearranging various things in the room. Preparing to leave and buttoning her coat, Kaoru paused and looked at the unconscious Sano over her shoulder; she felt a sense of utter indifference and bitterness. With a sigh, she left and gently closed the door with a soft thud.

Now she found herself aimlessly roving the almost deserted roads of the little town. Kaoru had learned to love walking ever since she had frequented the streets. Unlike other people, she actually relished the cold sensation of the season and the white chill it brought. Sometimes in between her walks, she would stop and watch, with half awe, half nostalgia, as the snow steadily fell around her like small feathers mysteriously descending from the black bowl of the night.

Continuing along the boulevard, she reached a certain curb and turned towards it. Kaoru looked up and her gaze settled on a particular spot in conjunction with the hotel. It was an open, vacant territory used as a parking lot of some people either staying at the inn or dining in one of the dozen eateries nearby. There was a single person there, standing amidst the coldness and whiteness of the snow. Kaoru immediately recognized the mass of red hair the figure had even though it was slightly hidden by the baseball cap he was wearing. It was Kenshin Himura.

Kenshin was packing snowballs and throwing them against a chimerical figure on the blank, huge wall. Kaoru continued observing him, taking some small steps closer to the object of her observation as she did so. She was only a few steps behind when suddenly Kenshin turned around.

Kaoru was surprised and the first thing that pierced her unprepared mind was to get away and proceed on her way. Sharply, she turned her back and stalked off back to her original course, back to the hotel.

Kenshin saw her walking away and realized that she was being her usual self, elusive and withdrawn. Smiling at her retreating figure, he thought that maybe this could be the best time to know a little bit from the wife of the man his wife betrayed him for.

"Pleasant evening Mrs. Sagara," Kenshin slightly shouted and tried to get her delicate attention.

Kaoru heard him and initially did not know what to make out of it. Instead of stopping and responding to him with social grace and respect, she continued walking as if the words he said were as mute as silence…that was until she realized how impolite it was. She knew that it was of no use trying to elude his company yet again. She would be spending the next months in town with this redhead and there would be a time when avoiding him would be impossible. Thus, some sociability would definitely be essential no matter what their positions in each other's life were or how awkward this type of relationship would be. There could be no other perfect time to start showing that friendliness than now.

Kaoru slowly turned around and found herself looking at amber eyes partly hidden by the shadow of his baseball cap and his lips curved into a kind smile. She just could not help reciprocating with an equally amiable expression.

"Won't you agree that this is the safest way to set free all your frustrations? Here, take a shot," Kenshin said, offering her the snowball.

Kaoru looked at his outstretched hand and she shook her head.

"Are you an athlete?"

Kenshin looked at her with slight amusement and curiosity, "Why do you ask?"

"The way you throw that snowball," Kaoru said while vainly imitating the form of a baseball figure throwing a pitchout, "It seemed so well-executed."

"Ah, thanks," Kenshin realized her point and then flashed her something of a boyish grin, "I'm not an athlete, though I practice some swordplay in my spare time."

Kaoru's mouth formed a small 'o' and she nodded, noting the low timbre of Kenshin's voice. A moment or two of silence passed and both did not know what to do or say. Kaoru looked down and dawdled, as if waiting or hinting for something to come over. Finally, Kenshin broke the terse silence and spoke again.

"There's this little coffee shop I've been going to quite a lot- _alone,_" he stated pointedly before pausing shortly. Kenshin then gestured towards the road ahead of them, "But maybe tonight I won't have to go by myself, right Mrs. Sagara?"

"I assure you Mr. Himura, but through one condition," Kaoru replied with some challenge in her tone.

Kenshin's amber eyes studied her face intently before a smile played in his lips, "Name it."

"I hate being called that way. You will have to call me Kaoru."

His eyes narrowed slightly, some amusement sparkling in it, "Only if you're going to call me by my given name too, _Kaoru_," he said, stressing and feeling the effect of her name in his lips.

"Agreed, Kenshin."

The two smiled and without any other word, they began walking along the sidewalk where the footpath was not copiously sheeted by snow. An amiable silence descended upon the pair as they walked and perused the glowing and playful lights of some establishments and bistros they passed by. Both were unaware of how and why there was sudden ease and lightness in each other's presence, but the two let it build.

Kaoru secretively snuck a peek towards Kenshin's direction. He had a tranquil and dignified countenance, but behind this facade all Kaoru could imagine was mystery and strangeness. There was definitely something inexplicable behind the quiet, placid tone in his voice, the deep, expressive flickers of his eyes, the restricted, distant smile on his face, and the arcane, silent presence of his whole being. Kaoru didn't know why but she felt a little excited knowing him.

"So," Kaoru started with a confabulatory tone, while rubbing her hands together in a futile endeavor to diminish the frosty impression of the night, "What do you do for a living?"

"I am a lighting director," Kenshin stated casually, as if the enquiry had been asked a hundred times before, "In concerts and theatre performances," he promptly added.

"It is my first time meeting someone of such profession. Tell me about it."

Kenshin stuffed his hands in his coat pocket and was silent; he was thinking. "The task usually starts by familiarizing myself with the general concept of a performance. If it's a concert, I have to learn who the artists are, what kind of music they do, and how the performance will run- from start to finish. I consult with the head director who usually describes to me how he envisions the concert will be, and from there I construct designs on how lighting will improve the overall impression of the show. The same goes for musicals and theaters- they actually are a little easier to work in because concerts require a lot of lighting effects."

"I never thought that the whole process requires a lot of work."

"It does," said Kenshin, nodding, "There are times when I even have to redo everything because the head director or the artists do not agree with what I have come up with."

"That must be horrible, though the way you have specifically described it seems to me that you really like you job."

"Actually, being reminded of it now, I kind of miss working," Kenshin said, a pang of nostalgia hit him and all of a sudden his mind was flooded by the images of his workplace.

"They say that when a man drowns himself in his work, he's trying to escape from something."

Kenshin looked up to her thoughtfully and pretended to think. Escaping? Maybe he was.

"That's not good for you," said Kaoru, who didn't wait for a reply and looked up to him with mock sternness in her face, "You'll become dull and narrow, single-tracked, you know. You ought to learn to have some fun."

"Why, I find so much fun engrossing myself in work."

"No, what I mean is some _real, clean_ fun, like a whole day of just plain idleness, or taking a night off and relaxing at a pub, or enjoying several cups of vanilla ice cream, or a day out in the amusement park."

He looked up at her, blinking, a thought forming at the back of his mind, "Well I think evening strolls with a cool, crisp wind and the twinkling stars high in the dark sky is actually fun."

Kaoru looked up at the heavens, breathed in, and then smiled, "A perfect evening like what we have now?"

Kenshin returned the glance Kaoru had given him. Slowly, he smiled and nodded.

Though she didn't know why, Kaoru felt glad at his words. Smiling to herself, she clutched at the folds of her jacket flapping uselessly open. An amiable silence descended upon the two until Kenshin spoke again.

"Would I be right in presuming that you spend most of your time as domestic engineer?"

"Domestic Engineer?" repeated Kaoru in confusion.

Kenshin nodded, "A very important position which can only be executed by one with great organizational and multi-tasking skills. A job much more demanding than my work is."

Kaoru felt a smile forming on her face. He certainly had a way of making her feel more important than she actually was.

"I'm not so sure though if I'm doing it faultlessly."

Kenshin raised a questioning eyebrow and he looked inquisitively at her, "Why?"

"Sanosuke has bluntly told me that my cooking was, um, terrible."

Kenshin smiled weakly and hid laughter under his breath, "That doesn't matter," he spoke with slight admiration and positive reception, "Running a household and keeping a family together is a tough job. Male or female – it's the hardest profession in the world. Plus, I can't do any better."

Kaoru looked on the ground and smiled faintly to herself. She realized how she used to feel so uneasy in this man's company, but now, she was quickly convinced that Mr. Himura was a factual gentleman, a good fellow. Kaoru could not almost tell that the man beside her was the same man who had been gravely hurt by her husband's actions. It should have felt strange being friends with him, but their situations were similar.

A few more steps and they had reached the coffee shop. He led the way and held the door open for her to precede him. Thousands of small gold light bulbs moving in playful twinkles and patterns illuminated the house. Almost all the corners were festooned with white flowing curtains meticulously detailed with golden threads and braids. The couches could not have looked more comfortable. Moreover, the strong yet aromatic smell of different blends of coffee drew them in.

Ordering their respective choices, they found seats near the large glass window overlooking the sleepy town. An astonishing picturesque view of a winter evening was freely at show. Just then, a slow and pleasant acoustic music lulling the clientele to a dreamland of heaven and peace softly drifted in the air.

"I'm not a huge fan of coffee bars," Kaoru said as she slowly perused the surrounding and setting of the café, "But this place is exceptional."

Kenshin nodded and smiled as his agreement, quite delighted that his most current companion evidently liked the place as much as he hoped she would.

Their orders, two cups of café au lait with chicory and matching strawberry beignets, immediately came. Kaoru smiled at the delectable-looking pastries and slowly breathed in the perfumed scent of the coffee.

Kenshin brought his own cup to his lips, barely feeling the warm liquid trickle through his lips and down his throat. He looked up to her, a question forming at the back of his mind, one he was quite afraid and hesitant to ask. He cleared his throat and mustered as much boldness as he could.

"So how are you taking it?" he managed to blurt out, "Your husband's betrayal and his adulterous affair with my wife?"

Kaoru shifted her gaze to his questioning face. He finally decided to open the issue that she knew both of them were trying to avoid. She felt reluctant speaking about it for the wounds haven't started healing.

Kenshin waited for a response that didn't come. Then Kaoru's countenance, which suddenly turned vulnerable and sad, made him realize just how consciously cruel and careless he was for bringing that issue up.

"I'm sorry," he said with apparent panic and sincerity, "You don't have to answer the question if it makes you uncomfortable. I should have not even asked in the first place."

Kaoru immediately looked up to him, quite taken aback by his kind remarks, "No, it's all right," she said while shaking her head and forcing a smile on her face, "Perhaps talking about it with a person in similar situation as mine may help me deal with it."

Kenshin gave her reassuring a look and urged her to go on. He leaned across the table and waited.

"I muse over the good times we had together," Kaoru said, her gaze had dropped and a ghost of smile flitted across her face, "Our memories are the only thing left that makes me believe. I try finding strength in the first years we shared together, because it may be the only time when everything is unspoiled and… real."

"You're lucky. You remember the past and it makes you feel good. Me? I feel the absolute opposite," Kenshin looked down, taking a cumbersome sigh, "The past is just a reminder that what has happened before is so impossible to happen again…because everything has been distorted, perhaps even forever lost," he paused and flashed a bitter smile before adding, "Since Megumi violated the entire confidence I had on her."

Kaoru watched the dim beam of moonlight across Kenshin's face. His words echoing loudly inside her mind, as if he said it solely for that purpose. She saw that this gentleman, with the most tranquil and peaceful countenance, was holding and masking grudge and anger somewhere deep within his heart, a grudge very much similar to her own.

"By remembering the past, it may provide me the answers to my unreturned questions. I am still perfectly clueless as to why Sano has to betray me," Kaoru spoke again, resting her chin in her hand, a distant look mirrored on her face, "Did I give him reasons enough for him to do it? Am I solely responsible for what happened? Where did I go wrong and how could I make it right?" She asked more to herself than to her companion.

Kenshin found it hard to tear his gaze away from the shifting emotions in Kaoru's face. She suddenly looked so fragile; like a little flame that could be extinguished by the faintest wind. He felt the urge to comfort her, to tell her to stop speaking if it would wound her even more, but instead of telling her so or doing some other probable things a man could do to console a woman, Kenshin just stayed quiet and courteously waited for her to go on.

"Perhaps there was some fault on _my_ part: like failing to meet his expectations, or his inner demons and troubles that I know nothing of, or emotional dissatisfaction and void I cannot fill," Kaoru said quietly, and she felt unbidden tears pricked her eyes, "All I need is just a little affirmation."

Surprisingly, Kaoru did not feel ashamed showing a moment of weakness in front of Kenshin, someone she was acquainted with just weeks ago. She knew that her companion was feeling the equal, and when it came to two people sharing mutual pain, it needed less than a minute to call someone a friend. He was feeling the same, he would definitely understand, she thought.

Silence hung heavily in the air. Kenshin carefully observed the pain behind her questioning eyes and he did not know what to do. Because the pain he saw was very much similar to his own, one that he was sharing with her, a pain he, too, could not quell or settle.

"We are not to blame for it," Kenshin inserted carefully, his voice quiet and distant. What he said was the only refuge his wounded heart could go and choose to believe: _it was not their fault._

"Do not take the guilt," he ordered with a gentle voice, "We do not need to trouble ourselves more than what _they_ already did," he tried smiling.

Kenshin felt a little better at his words. He was hurting as well, and though he didn't knew why, he felt as if there was power in helping the lonely soul in front of him, Kaoru.

"Besides, our pain should not be an excuse to back out; it should be an inspiration to move on and be strong."

Kaoru nodded slowly, accepting his compassion with a little, heartbreaking smile, "Indeed. But why are you doing this?" she asked, suddenly, "My husband betrayed me for your wife, and your wife betrayed you for my husband. Shouldn't we be at odds with each other?"

Kenshin took a heavy breath and peered to her sapphire orbs; they were shining, waiting.

"I say the otherwise. Misery loves company."

Kaoru blinked at the statement and held her mug firmly between her hands. She smiled weakly and leveled his gaze. She saw something flickered in his amber eyes, though she was not sure what it was. Perhaps hope, perhaps compassion.

Silence.

The sudden hush provided a port for Kenshin to do some of his thinking. He looked up at Kaoru and the tears threatening to fall from the edge of her eyes. Kenshin studied her and felt as if he was facing the most accurate mirror; he was seeing himself.

He recognized that all he actually needed now was someone who's in a parallel situation as his, someone who's hurting as well, someone to speak and heal with, someone he could seek to understand and share, someone…like Kaoru. Kenshin looked up to those sad eyes. And briefly he realized that he just had a newfound strength and motivation: to help himself and Kaoru transcend from the cruel and deceitful world the two of them had suddenly woken up in. They would have to rebuild their lives, little by little.

Staring again at Kaoru, a thought formed at the back of Kenshin's mind. He busied himself in retrieving a cloth from his coat pocket. When he finally had it, a wave of hope washed over him.

"Here," he said, trying a smile and handing to Kaoru a white handkerchief, "You have had enough crying for a while."

Kaoru looked at his outstretched hand, wordless; she could not feel any more grateful. She managed a weak smile and retrieved the hankie from his hand.

"You really don't have to do this, but still, thank you," she said while dabbing the faint remnants of her tears.

Kaoru smiled faintly to herself. Kenshin's presence was something she did not initially relish. It had always worried her that his position in her current situation would impede a possible link between them. But now, she found herself grateful for his presence, for having him to talk to during these loneliest times. There was peace and comfort in his quiet company. They would mend together, and this little conversation was the first step.

The pair continued talking over cups of coffee, exchanging specifics about each other's life. Sometimes, there would be a terse silence or laughter mantling them, but most of the time, the conversation was filled with secure confessions and foolish wishes.

Maybe the two relished and had been so comfortable in each other's company that neither of them noticed the quick passage of time. It was 11:30 near midnight.

* * *

After the small tête-à-tête over the much-relished cup of coffee and flaky pastries, Kenshin and Kaoru now were again strolling unhurriedly the street on their way home. The silence in the deserted street was deafening, and almost all of the establishments and bistros were closed. The two were quiet as well, observing the faint orange orbs of the streetlamps they passed by and the majestic trees lining the street.

It was extremely much cooler at this time of the night and Kaoru kept on rubbing her hands together and breathing into them to fight off the iciness. Kenshin apparently noticed her little trouble.

"Do you want to run?" He turned up to her with a foolish idea he wasn't sure where came from, a small smile curving his lips, "It's cold."

Kaoru smiled and looked amusingly at him. She had never thought that such a serious and quiet man would make such an offer. Not knowing what to make out of it, Kaoru did not make a comprehensive reply. She just laughed lightly at the crazy idea.

When he looked at her again, without any warning or word, Kaoru smiled and began to jog away from him.

Quite surprised, Kenshin followed Kaoru's movement with his eyes, noting the way her long, wavy hair arched with the wind. He laughed under his breath, and set aside the foolishness he thought he had just moments ago.

With a smile, he followed Kaoru at a quicker speed.

He was now side by side with her, actually quite effortlessly, and he reduced his rate to the level of hers. Kaoru shot him a mock glare and she doubled her pace, wanting to leave behind her companion. Kenshin smirked at her obvious challenge and increased his pace too. He did not intend to lose the undeclared battle either.

The race was on.

After some time, the two had covered a good distance, their footsteps echoing through the calm of the night. Abruptly, Kaoru came to a halt with heavy, labored breaths, her hands were on her knees. Kenshin saw her stop and he came to a halt too, standing by her side. Panting heavily, the two looked up and smiled at each other.

"Now, it's not too cold, is it?"

Kaoru looked up at Kenshin from beneath her long fringe and nodded, her sapphire eyes twinkling, reminding him that there were things in future worth looking forward to.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Kenshin was watching rather blankly as some of the medical personnel pushed Megumi's bed to her designated room which was located at the fifth floor of the small building. The hospital hallways were inexplicably quiet and deserted, Kenshin observed. And for such reason, he could not help but note the screech the hospital bed's wheels were creating. For a moment, he feared slightly that it might give way to its patient's weight.

Their group loaded the elevator and passed several wards and hallways. Without Kenshin mentally noticing it, they reached the floor and he managed a curt remark of gratitude as the medical personnel left him and Megumi alone in the quiet of the average-sized room. Slowly, he went over Megumi's bed, gently smoothing and tucking some loose endings of the bedclothes. He began rearranging various items in the room, too: piling the clothes in the shelf, assembling the some foods in the small bureau, and setting the heater to its standard temperature.

Kenshin then proceeded to the bathroom. He prepared a fresh towel and a basin half-filled with tepid water. Cautiously, he started removing her thin outer garments. He soaked the towel in the basin and wiped her body, starting with the neck. He brushed some loose strands of her hair away then he continued to her arms and her back, gently wiping the parched skin of his wife.

As his hand reached the soft curve of her waist, he stilled instantly. The unwanted details of her infidelity flooded his mind with clarity: the joyous expression on her face as she spent time with her lover, time away from him, and their life together. Their marriage had been a sacred vow to him, an eternal promise to love her, a hallowed ideal that he would always be hers, and she would always be his. His face hardened, grim and unforgiving at the unbidden recollections.

Now, glancing up at Megumi's body, Kenshin felt as if he had lost a part of his soul, as if a priceless treasure suddenly became worthless, as if another had marked and claimed something that was rightfully and strictly his.

Megumi belonged to him, but not anymore.

Kenshin watched as the curtains dance lightly with the cool wind, allowing the shafts of sunshine to flicker around the room. All over again, he felt a sense of bitterness and indifference. He could not still understand it. Like Kaoru, he had searched for answers, for explanations, for reasons to rationalize her betrayal. He had searched the depths but could never find them. Or perhaps he had already found it, but the answer he found was one he could not bear to admit.

Kenshin felt his heart sinking and beating fainter and fainter each time. He let his gaze fall. His hand dropped the towel in the basin with a wet plop. He took a protracted sigh; Kenshin found out that he could not look at her without feeling repulsed in some way. As he lazily pulled a blanket over her still form, his eyes became cold and empty.

Standing up, he immediately headed for the door and his trembling hand reached out for the knob. The steel was so cold and lifeless underneath his fingers. Kenshin glanced at Megumi one last time and then stepped out of the room.

As he walked on the empty lobby, Kenshin had become so certain: he had fallen out of love.

* * *

"Kenshin Himura."

Kenshin started at hearing his name over the hospital's intercom and proceeded to the counter with caution. The old woman behind it looked a little harassed. He slid his card across the counter with familiar ease and glanced around the lobby while the cashier completed the payment. To his surprise there was a small convenience store which he had failed to notice in the past. His gaze ran slowly over the flowers, gifts, and magazines before stilling on a familiar looking figure. Her long, obsidian hair was cascading down her back, shining under the soft glare of the sun. She was wearing a blue jacket that matched the color of her eyes. Smiling unconsciously to himself he realized who it was: _Kaoru_.

Turning back to the cashier his smile dropped, her annoyed expression clearly displaying her displeasure at his obviously wandering mind.

"If you don't mind sir, I have other patrons to attend to," she remarked sarcastically. Kenshin apologized quietly.

With quick, resolute steps, he went over the store and his eyes mechanically scanned the area for a mass of long hair. When he had sighted her just right in front of him, Kenshin inexplicably felt a burst of lightness. He was not sure where the gladness came from but he quickly let it build. Kenshin tapped lightly on the glass panel of the store to catch her attention and succeeded on the second try.

Kaoru whirled towards the direction of the sound and found Kenshin standing behind the glass panel, a small smile playing on his lips while he waved to her. Kaoru managed a quick nod, and she felt a smile tugging at her lips too.

Kenshin glanced at his black watch. He had not eaten for lunch yet. A thought came to his mind and he made certain actions to relay his message across. He put a hovering hand over his stomach. He then closed his hands, as if he were holding a spoon and a fork, and alternatively brought them close to his mouth, as if he was eating. The thought in his mind was in fact to ask her to have lunch with him.

Kaoru watched with amusement as Kenshin acted out his request. She nodded to show her compliance. Kaoru then made a cue for him to wait outside while she hurried to finish her minor shopping.

Flashing a boyish smile, Kenshin nodded and watched as Kaoru's figure walked to the general direction of the cashier booths. Turning around, he sat on a hospital bench in the hallway. His lips unconsciously curved in delight, lingering with a lightheartedness he hadn't felt in a while.

After a minute or two, Kaoru emerged from the double doors of the store and looked around for a mass of red hair and pair of patient amber eyes. Kenshin saw her and immediately shot out of his seat.

"Here, let me carry those for you," Kenshin offered as his hands reached for the bags Kaoru was carrying.

"Oh, thanks," Kaoru managed as she handed him some of her purchases. Momentarily, their hands brushed lightly against each other and Kaoru paused to feel her heart skip a beat. She mentally reprimanded herself for having such a strange, random feeling.

The two proceeded to the small cafeteria located somewhere around the ground floor of the hospital's main building. They halted just at the entrance with surprise. The room was so crowded- medical personnel as well as other people filled the room. Unable to find an available table, Kenshin and Kaoru resorted to a hospital bench along the corridor to eat their lunch. The meal they were able to purchase was a simple one: noodles and dumplings on the side. It was not much of an attractive gastronomy, but the pair did not seem to mind.

Kaoru opened the lid of her cup noodles, the steam warming her face. Kenshin did the same and the two began eating in a companionable silence.

Kaoru secretively snuck a peek towards his direction. She did not even think that the man beside her, sharing a meal with her and keeping her from being alone, was the same man that had been hurt by her husband's disloyalty. For her, their friendship was awkward, and at first, really uncomfortable. She didn't expect this kind of kindness and companionship, especially when considering their positions in each other's lives. The man sitting beside her was the husband of the woman her husband betrayed her for; it could never be easy establishing an amiable relationship with him. But it didn't matter to her anymore whether their friendship was awkward or strange. What mattered was the company that he was willing to share this time that she needed it most.

When Kenshin finished up, he put down his cup and courteously waited for his friend to finish her meal. Kaoru notice this and she turned to him with a slight surprise on her face.

"Finished already?"

Kenshin nodded and smiled. He deliberately glanced upon her food. Kaoru's eyes followed Kenshin's sight, from her cup of noodles to his. Only then did she realize that her cup was three times larger than his was. The two looked up at each other simultaneously and burst into a good-natured chuckle.

"Here," Kaoru said, offering her cup to his, remnants of laughter still apparent in her eyes, "Have some more."

"No, but thanks though. I've had enough already."

"All right," said Kaoru, nodding. She was not sure whether her heart sped up at the sight of Kenshin's smile. Pushing the thought aside, she returned to her food and tried to finish it quickly.

Kaoru's eyes wandered over the area around them and it settled on a particular corner along the hallway. Every now and then, a person or two passed by, and then a playful idea shot through her mind, fast and clear as a lightning. She abruptly turned to Kenshin with minor excitement apparent on her features.

"Hey," she nudged his arm playfully.

Kenshin turned towards her, both eyebrows raised quizzically.

"Do you see that corner?" She asked while pointing to a particular spot about six meters from them.

"Uh-huh."

"Care to lay a wager out of it?"

"What kind of wager?" He looked at her curiously at the same time amused.

"Look," said Kaoru, her tone was chatty and relaxed, "Let's see who emerges from that corner. If it's a female, I win. If it's a male, you win," she leveled her gaze with his.

Kenshin narrowed his eyes and looked up thoughtfully at her. After a very short-lived stillness, a small smile slowly crept on his face.

"You're on," he answered, his voice edged with challenge.

The two mockingly glared daggers at each other and then swiveled their heads towards the direction of the corner, eagerly waiting for a passerby.

Kenshin and Kaoru smiled cautiously to themselves, only one thought running in their mind- to win this bet.

Their eyes were focused on the particular spot. Suddenly they heard a fall of footsteps approaching and they enthusiastically geared up for it. Kaoru even found herself mutely chanting an unnamed mantra: _female, female, female!_

When the much-anticipated figure materialized from the bend, it actually belonged to two people: a female nurse and another who was a male one.

Their gazes met and silence hung heavily in the air. Kenshin shrugged his shoulder, and so did Kaoru.

"Null and void."

"Agreed."

Once again, they turned their keen attention. Kaoru once more shot Kenshin a good-natured glare, which he reciprocated with an equally stern look. However, both had more trouble fighting the small smile of amusement off their faces.

A minute had ticked off the clock and not a single soul passed that way though it was not triumphant to spoil the excitement and challenge that were still building between the two.

Everything was so stationary, when yet again the sound of footsteps drifted down the hall.

They leaned forward and were looking below, at the tiled floor, where a pair of green sneakers appeared. Bit by bit, they raised their gaze to the figure's moving form. The person was wearing a pair of denim jeans, a black strap, and a loose-fitting jacket. When they reached the figure's head, the winner had then been decided.

It was a she.

Kaoru cackled with delight, she was thrilled. Kenshin purposely was staring at her- a blank, miserable look on his face.

"Congratulations," he murmured mockingly, and sighed with synthetic gloom.

"So what do you owe me?" She asked teasingly, her eyes twinkling with enchantment.

"I never agreed that there should be a grant for whoever wins."

"Oh c'mon," Kaoru said, frowning a little, "This is a bet. It's supposed to have a prize."

Kenshin looked at her, narrowed his eyes, and appeared thoughtful. After a moment or two, he spoke again.

"All right, all right," he said while nodding. "What do you have for me?"

Kaoru felt a smile tugging at her lips, "Let's see."

"Some evil plans?"

"I'll have to think about it," she said in a slightly dangerous voice.

Kenshin smiled at her and felt his heart lightening. This was the first time he had ever seen Kaoru so amused and delighted. Her lovely mouth curved with glee, her azure orbs were alight with mirth. They were so beautiful, shining under the soft glare of daylight. Unconsciously, Kenshin seemed to want to see more of it.

Between their growing friendship, there seemed to be so much ease, much less formalities and much more warmth.

His gaze wandered to the corner that had been the object of their small bet. It was the first time, too, that he ever agreed upon a gamble like that. Thinking about it now, Kenshin actually thought of it as childish, and even silly. He should have felt hesitant participating in that silliness. But looking at his friend and the look of enjoyment on her features, Kenshin felt a sense of triumph and lightness, like a nine-year-old boy who had just won a game of tug-of-war. It was refreshing.

He could barely wait for what Kaoru had in store for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

His amber eyes darted up and down the paper as he read cautiously the details. A minute had passed and Kenshin silently refolded the broadsheet. It had been the third for that particular day.

He had been waiting at the entrance hall of the hotel he and Kaoru were staying for nearly thirty minutes now. To keep himself busy, he had scanned almost all of the publications available on the rack, ranging from health or car magazines to outdated issues of newspapers.

Today was the particular day he and Kaoru had decided to settle the little debt that he owed her and he was feeling a little restless, nervous maybe.

Each time he heard the familiar elevator bell ring, Kenshin automatically glanced towards the double steel doors hoping to see Kaoru's blue eyes, a flick of obsidian hair, or that familiar stance she held in confined spaces.

Kenshin crossed his legs, closed his eyes, and tapped his fingers rhythmically. He just did not notice when the double doors of the main entrance finally burst open to reveal a harried-looking Kaoru.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said a little breathlessly.

Kenshin opened his eyes to find Kaoru standing in front of him, her hands upon her chest, and she slightly gasped for air. Kenshin at once motioned for her to sit down beside him on the long couch, and Kaoru responded by plopping down next to him.

"Did you wait long?" Kaoru asked, turning to look at him, "I just settled some hospital expenses. Sorry, it couldn't wait."

"No, it's all right," his voice was considerate and patient, "Rest for a while. Do you want me to get you a bottle of water?"

"No, I'm okay," she waved her hand slightly, "Just give me a minute and I'll be just fine."

Kenshin nodded and said nothing more while Kaoru leaned back on the couch, closed her eyes, and attempted to regain her composure. Silently, Kenshin observed the rise and fall of her chest, the lips that were slightly open, and listened while she breathed deeply. He noticed some loose strands of her hair on her face and felt the urge to tuck it behind her ear. Unwillingly, he pushed the thought aside.

After a minute or so, Kaoru finally opened her eyes and stood up. She turned to him with a smile flitting across her face, the sparkle and lightness back in her features.

"Shall we be going?"

They strolled on the streets of the town, with Kaoru slightly leading the way. The cool breeze graced their faces as they walked and talked. Kenshin tried so hard to persuade Kaoru to reveal to him what she really was up to while Kaoru refused and took so much pleasure in keeping it a secret.

"Oh c'mon Kaoru, I'm dying of curiosity here," Kenshin pleaded. He was quite nervous.

"Just wait a little more, we're actually almost there," she grinned playfully.

Together, they turned into a street that was almost entirely lined with different establishments: restaurants, movie houses, inns. Kenshin marveled at the sight of aliveness and energy, as he hadn't seen this side of the small town.

Kaoru took his elbow gently and pulled him lightly towards the general direction of a cinema house. Kenshin let out a nervous breath he hadn't realized he was holding. A movie? He thought quickly. Sure, he could even handle watching a chick flick or some romantic film.

"I haven't watched a film in a long time," Kenshin started quite excitedly, his feet quickly dragging him to the ticket booths, his eyes perusing the movie list and posters at display.

"Today's screening is a wa-" he was talking when he felt a hand tugging at his sleeve.

"What are you talking about?" Kaoru asked, slightly amused, "We're not going to watch movies."

Kenshin's excitement faltered a bit. He looked at her with an eyebrow raised inquisitively, "Then what are we going to do?"

Kaoru took his shoulders, turned him around, and made him face the opposite direction: the other side of the avenue.

"That."

She pointed at a store across the street. In front of a very bright building was a cart selling cotton candies and other various sweets, even balloons. It was a picture of color and life, of innocence and delight, of childhood world and pleasures. The building's façade was covered with brilliant, blinking lights arranged to form the letters of a specific word. When Kenshin's eyes hovered over the letters and he had interpreted the idea it implied, a sense of dread suddenly hit him, and he felt like running away.

The word spelt above the door stated 'Arcade' in happy, vibrant colors.

Kenshin let out a nervous breath. He had never tried any of those fancy machines and he didn't intend to start now.

Kaoru turned to him, a gleeful and waiting smile creeping across her face. Without any other word, she began walking across the street and towards the arcade establishment. She was already in front of the token booths when she realized that Kenshin wasn't following. He was still standing on the other side of the street, an uncertain expression was on his face. Kaoru waved to get his attention.

When he heard her call his name, Kenshin snapped out of his stupor and tried to avoid Kaoru's gaze. His mind was telling him to just go. He was an adult male and mature men did not engage in children's games like this. This was something that was unlikely of him. It was excessively childish and silly.

Kenshin slung his gaze on her, she was waiting for him on the other side. What was so childish and silly about a woman with a grand smile on her face, waiting for him? He had been so childish before, he mused thinking about the particular moment when he agreed to the gamble she offered. So why hesitate now?

One step towards her would mean a lot. One step would mean that he was willing to shred off the persona of a stern man he thought he was. One step would mean that he was not afraid to try new things, welcome new experiences, and create new beginnings. One step would mean that he was willing to build a bridge between himself and Kaoru.

It was all a matter of choice.

Kenshin took one step across the street. He was just not sure if it was the beating of his heart that told him to do so.

* * *

They entered the arcade and were received by the area's lively chatter and color. Neon lights were blinking everywhere. Children flocked to the coin-operated machines and the sounds of catchy tunes drifted through the air.

Much to Kaoru's delight, Kenshin bought a handful of tokens and she run towards the first game she would try with him, of course.

It was the racecar, where two driver seats were propped up before big screens showing the racetrack.

Kaoru took one of the seats and inserted two coins on the slot, "Come here," she said, patting the chair next to her, "I'm fairly sure you'll enjoy this. You're a good driver, aren't you?"

Kenshin inhaled heavily and complied, he was nervous. He tried flashing a smile and took the other seat. The driver seat felt and seemed as authentic and as precise as the real one, Kenshin thought. Maybe he wouldn't have a hard time learning this.

Inserting another two coins in Kenshin's slot, Kaoru turned to him, "There's the wheel, the pedals and brakes, and the shifting gear. You see it's just like driving your typical vehicle," she talked him through the game, genuinely encouraging him to have fun. Gearing up, Kaoru added, "Seat belts please."

Kenshin laughed under his breath and buckled the strap across his chest and around his waist. They had chosen their sports car model and all was set to go.

Three…Two…One…Go!

The lights turned green- they stepped sharply on the gas pedal, and their cars went shooting through the track, tires screeching loudly. Deeply focused with the animating screen, Kenshin was fairly surprised with himself. It was much easier than he thought not to mention enjoyable. Going at full speed and turning his wheel towards a particularly sharp bend, Kenshin's mind formed a resolute thought.

He could actually win this.

Kaoru noticed Kenshin's really quick association with the game. She smiled at his building enjoyment and tried hard to gap the distance Kenshin had successfully created between them.

"Not so fast!" Kenshin told her, as he reached his second lap now. One more to go, with several seconds remaining on his time, and he would take the first place.

Laughing, Kaoru put on a challenge and quickly followed his lead. Narrowing her eyes, she geared up for full speed as the race approached its conclusion.

Kenshin and Kaoru were both seconds away from the third lap. Unfortunately for Kaoru, a man would always seem to be better when it comes to driving and wheels. He finished as first, with her lagging behind him by just three seconds.

"Why, you!" Kaoru said as they both stood up from their seats, delighted.

Kenshin laughed, unable to hide the thrill in his eyes, "I never thought I could do that."

"I told you. Off to the next?" Kaoru asked, and without waiting for an answer, she took his elbow and led the way.

Kenshin glanced at her hands clutching at his arm. It seemed so natural and felt so right, as if the act had been designed solely for this purpose. Inexplicably, he felt his heart lightening and a smile tugging at his lips.

The next game Kaoru chose was the Monster Shootout. A game with two toy guns and virtual pellets shooting the mummies and other ugly monsters, which appeared unexpectedly from behind every corner on the screen.

"This is really simple," Kaoru said, explaining to him the game's objectives, "Just shoot every monster that appears. Step on that pedal whenever the gun needs to reload."

Kenshin nodded and they loaded the token slot. The game set to begin. Kaoru glanced up at Kenshin holding the gun like some action star from television. There was something quite beautiful and fierce in the way he closed his left eye whenever he took aim at a target.

"Ready, Kaoru?"

"Yes!" she answered.

The first mummy that appeared and the incredibly loud noise that accompanied it had Kaoru screaming like a child watching a horror movie. She crazily gunned at it and Kenshin laughed at her apparent panic.

Luckily, mostly thanks to Kenshin's efforts, they were able to reach the final stage of the game, where the boss, the big evil monster could slay the players' characters with just three hits. Not so many people had come close to this level which explained why there was certain group of excited people who flocked around the pair to watch as the game progressed.

"Aim at the monster's head, Kaoru. I think it is its weakest point."

Eight shots to the head was all the monster needed to end its seemingly endless life. The pair, particularly he, played with so much cleverness that after a moment or two, the display screen showed the monster with its head grotesquely severed. The crowd around them cheered and clapped their hands at their apparent success. Kenshin felt a little embarrassed though he was able to flash a smile and make a bow. He felt proud, he could not believe how such a small thing could give him such a big sense of accomplishment.

Kaoru was thrilled. She looked at Kenshin and gave him a wink, earning a good-natured chuckle.

"What do you want to do next?"

"Let's try that," Kenshin suggested, finding himself much more associated with the place than minutes before. He had never imagined that he would enjoy the arcade this much or perhaps what he was enjoying was the companionship of a certain blue-eyed woman.

"Basketball!" Kaoru squealed before walking to the direction of the game.

Kenshin watched her and her hair gliding in the air, letting himself drag behind her for a little while. He was reminded of how amusing Kaoru looked when she winked at him and he wondered if he could do that. He looked around him for a while and secretly, Kenshin tried winking, realizing that it was much harder than he expected. He tried again but felt as if he was making more of a frown than a wink. He tried repeatedly until his left eye hurt a bit. Only then did he realize how stupid he might have looked- winking like a crazy maniac.

He shook his head and laughed silently to himself.

The wall was divided into several segments by a long net, each having a basketball rim of its own. A digital counter counted the number of basketballs that would pass and shoot through the ring. Kenshin and Kaoru took two adjacent sections.

Kaoru mockingly glared at Kenshin, "Let me warn you redhead, I'm quite good at this."

"That, we'll see," Kenshin replied, an equally stern look mirrored on his face. However it seemed that he had more difficulty fighting the smile off his face than giving her a glare.

The basketballs were released from the counters. At once, they began shooting balls through the ring. While Kaoru was doing perfectly well, thanks to her frequent gaming, Kenshin was playing rather faultless. Every ball he threw went swishing through the ring, not even a single miss. Kaoru notice this and her mouth dropped at his display of talent. His actions seemed so smooth and well executed, too; there was dignity in the way he stood like a professional player, there was power in the way he raised his arms over his head, and there was grace in the way his hands let go of the ball.

The timer ticked and the game was through. The score: 36-34.

"Looks like I've defeated you again," Kenshin smirked, his ego quite inflating.

Kaoru narrowed her eyes and looked dangerously at him. "Don't get so confident, it just may be beginner's luck."

Kenshin stared at her intently and gulped. With a bit of uncertainty and a lot of difficulty, he _winked_ at her.

The wink, however, appeared not as charmingly as it should be.

The pair looked at each other and after a very brief silence, they burst into a pleasant chuckle.

"Thank you for trying."

Kenshin smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

Without any other word, they strolled off to look for another game. They still had tokens in their hands and many games left untried. Kenshin and Kaoru attempted everything that grabbed their attention: from action and adventure games, bowling, slot machines, and even the classic pinball. While Kenshin seemed to be enjoying himself much more than he actually expected, winning games every now and then, Kaoru was quite challenged at her companion's surprising abilities. She felt her heart swelled a bit at the sight of glee in his eyes and smile.

After an hour, the pair took some time to rest themselves. Kaoru saw the huge and vivid cotton candies in one of the food stalls and had suggested trying it. Kenshin complied and though he did not have much of a sweet tooth, he enjoyed the way the candy instantly melted in his mouth.

Tonight really was a night of fresh discoveries.

They found an available bench and sat to rest their limbs. While Kaoru talked about Kenshin's quick association with arcade games and his apparent enjoyment from it, and suggested some games that they had to try the moment they finished resting, his mind was secretly wandering to some other ideas.

"...have to try air hoc-"

"Kaoru," Kenshin turned up to her, a small idea forming at the back of his head, "Can you excuse me for a while? I'll just give someone a call."

"Sure, sure," Kaoru muttered while chewing a particular toffee, "No worries."

Kenshin smiled and told her a diminutive promise that he would be back. With firm and resolute steps, he moved towards the general direction of the telephone booths.

Immediately, Kenshin mixed with the crowd and changed his course. He was going to try this game where the player would have to maneuver and control a metal clamp that would at a certain instant drop and then clasp whatever toy was within its grasp- if you're lucky. He had seen Kaoru looking at them intently while they were playing another game and he thought she wanted one of those toys. He was out to give it a try.

He still had five tokens left in his coat pocket.

Kenshin chose the machine which he thought was farthest from Kaoru's view. Eagerly, he retrieved a token and inserted it in the slot. He began controlling the clamp with the joystick and several buttons in front of him. He mentally estimated the distance between the clasp and the toys below it. Finally, he positioned to clasp to its final place and he hit the 'drop' button. The clamp mechanically opened its arms and descended to the heap of toys below it. Kenshin followed with his eyes carefully, in deep hopes that it would be able to grasp a certain brown, teddy bear.

Unfortunately, it didn't.

He grunted with disappointment and sighed. He inserted another coin in the slot and told himself that he would have to be more careful this time. He turned the joystick to the right, a little up, to the right again, and then a little left. He hit the 'drop' button and the clasp mechanically opened. He watched as it slowly went down to retrieve a particular toy.

It clasped a toy but dropped it midair.

Kenshin dropped his gaze and felt his shoulders slacked. He could not give up on the idea of doing giving her a little present.

For the third time, he tried the game and attempted to play with all his cleverness. He did the same thing before: estimated the toy's and clamp's position, maneuvered the joystick little by little, and then hit the 'drop' button.

For each time that he tried, Kenshin failed but despite repeated attempts ending in failure, he persisted. He tried until the tokens in his pocket had entirely diminished. Quickly, he ran to the nearest token booth, slightly hiding himself amidst the crowd. Kenshin bought twenty tokens more.

This would be one hell of a challenge.

* * *

Kaoru discarded the stick of the sausage she had purchased, the second one in that particular hour.

It had been fifteen minutes since Kenshin headed off to make a phone call when she realized that perhaps he would not be coming back for a while. With that thought in her mind, she got out from the bench and cheerfully headed to the general direction of the dozen food stalls. They were so attractive, she thought, the sandwiches, candies, toffees, fruit shakes and ice cream. Every now and then, she would try a bit of them but she limited herself to a certain amount. Kaoru would want to wait for Kenshin so she could share the delight with him.

When she reached the last stall, Kaoru looked back to the bench she was sitting a while before. He was still not there, much to her dismay. Sighing, she dragged her heavy feet back to the bench and sat down.

Kaoru busied herself watching the people passing in front of her. Families, children, and the young-at-hearts, they all flocked to the coin-operated machines with smiles upon their faces, appearing so glad.

She looked around: the bright neon lights blinking at random patterns, the lively and catchy-tuned music wafting in the air, the balloons and cotton candies in vivid colors, the carousel spinning in a steady motion, and the sweet and innocent atmosphere of the entire place. It seemed like a refuge for her, a place where she could momentarily forget that her husband had just betrayed her for another woman.

The recent troubles that she had just experienced were making her feel really old and tired. But this day in the arcade was a real stress-reliever for both Kenshin and her. It was the best way to take her mind off the depressing and hurtful things that happened.

Kaoru smiled, for the first time in a very long while, she felt refreshed and young again.

All of a sudden, a stuffed toy of a space rocket, held by a familiar hand, flew and hovered in front of her eyes. Kaoru raised her eyebrows and turned around.

It was Kenshin.

He was holding a stuffed toy, about half the size of a foot, resembling a space rocket at launch. It was of color emerald with two pink lines near the nose cone and some red and yellow flame from the toy rocket's nozzle.

"This is for you," Kenshin said, handing to her the toy. His amber eyes were flickering with golden sparks, "I could have gotten you a little teddy bear, but I had little difficulty managing that machine," he said and pointed to the coin-operated machines some distance behind him.

"Oh, thank you," she said in response, her voice laced with utmost sincerity and her azure eyes twinkling with delight, "I really appreciate this."

Nodding, Kenshin found himself unable to tear his gaze away from her beautiful face, feeling a sense of triumph. He turned around and smiled to himself. Losing fifteen tokens to that machine definitely was worth it.

* * *

Kenshin and Kaoru dined in one of the eateries nearby, as what he passionately suggested. She hesitated at first, wondering whether he had already paid more than what she really owed her. However, she at once gave in the moment he entered a particular bistro and asked for a table for two.

The pair leisurely strolled the street on their way home, 'a night of cool, crisp wind with stars hanging in the dark sky' as what Kenshin liked to describe. Now, they found themselves standing, facing each other at the fourth floor of the hotel. Their respective rooms were just a step away.

"Thank you so much for tonight," Kaoru said quietly and looked down, trying to avoid the intensity of Kenshin's gaze.

He noticed a strand of hair that fell over Kaoru's temple and he half-heartedly fought the urge to tuck it behind her ear.

"Goodnight then," she broke the terse silence and looked up slowly into his eyes.

"Goodnight," he replied unwillingly. He did not know why but he felt as if he wanted to keep her near him a little longer.

Kaoru nodded and she turned around to unlock her door. She could feel his eyes in her back as she pushed the door open and entered her room. She was about to shut the door, when slowly she stopped and looked at Kenshin who had been staring and hadn't moved an inch. She just wanted to remember his face for the night because the moment she shut this door, she would be very alone once more. She waved the stuffed toy he had given to her and again bid him good night.

"Kaoru."

She paused and held the door for a moment, looking at his amber eyes and waiting, her heart strangely beating fast.

"I'll s-see you…again," Kenshin said a little slowly and tensely, "Tomorrow."

"Sure."

They smiled at each other one last time.

Kenshin watched as her door finally closed and it sealed the night and the barrier between them. Slowly, he let out of a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. He stood still on the extremely quiet hallway, hands in his pocket, and listened.

His heart seemed to be whispering a certain name.


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, the original plot of the movie this fanfiction is based on, and the brilliant song Switchfoot created._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

* * *

**Hello, good morning, how you do?  
What makes your rising sun so new?**

Kaoru sighed as she listlessly stared at the shafts of sunlight filtering through the closed blinds.

Today was another monotonous day in the ICU, sitting by her husband's bedside where the superficial rise and fall of his chest was the portrait and the repetitious beeping of his breathing apparatus was the sound. It was the monotonousness of the entire routine that made her feel a bit weary.

Languidly, Kaoru's blue eyes flicked towards the unconscious man in front of her and it was not a very charming sight. Sanosuke Sagara looked half-dead. His skin was pallid and parched. His face, which used to be very alive with a proud smirk or mischievous eyes, was bruised and gaunt. His arms, which used to scoop her up so effortlessly out of the bed every morning, lied lifelessly by his sides. His legs, which were powerfully built and fast, were wrapped and fixed by layers of bandages.

At a first glance, he could have been easily mistaken for some warrior who had just come home from the longest, cruelest, and most unforgiving war: alive but broken.

Studying his miserable appearance, Kaoru made a mental note of how Sano's current condition reminded her of their marriage. Sano was well built and tough, just like their sacred tie that was, at first, built upon the foundation of steadfastness, passion, and love. She thought that nothing could take the power and vigor from him, that nothing could knock him down, the way she thought that their love was meant to last forever, imperishable. But in the blink of an eye, the accident had so swiftly rendered Sano comatose, and nearly dead, the same way his falseness and adulterous affair had torn their bond to pieces, shattered the trust they shared, and killed the love she thought they treasured.

Kaoru's eyes moved towards the large tubes attached to almost all part of him. There was one in his mouth, in his nose, two in his arms, three in his chest, and a lot more throughout his entire body. The immense and complicated-looking medical apparatus surrounding him seemed to her as if they were bringing Sano more of difficulty than aid.

**I could use a fresh beginning too**

Here was the man she thought was the strongest she had ever known, lying helplessly, utterly dependent on some medical machinery, defenseless, and resting in a deep, shadowy sleep.

Here was the marriage; the love that she thought was perpetual, shattered, sustained only by the need to fulfill social obligations and expectations, sinking in the depths of unknown future and hiatus that Kaoru was not so willing to continue.

Whether Sano would wake up or not was a question only time could tell. Whether his disloyalty would be pardoned or not and whether her love would still thrive in this dark chapter of their lives were questions only her wounded heart and wretched spirit could answer.

Leaning in, Kaoru slowly reached for a stray of his hair and smoothed it gently. She then took his limp hand, brought it to her face, and gave it a light squeeze. She frowned slightly, Sano's hand felt cold and unusually different. She entwined her fingers to his and she paused abruptly, a bit scared. Something was not right. The feel of his hand was so unfamiliar, almost extremely foreign to her.

**All of my regrets are nothing new**

It was as if she was holding the hand not of her husband, but of a _stranger_.

"Sano," she whispered his name, faintly hoping that it would strike a string of perception, that it would bring the familiarity back in her heart.

It did not. Even the feel of his name in her lips now felt oddly unfamiliar.

Kaoru brought her face nearer to his, closed her eyes, and slowly, brushed her lips against his. She waited, in hopes that the action would enlighten her of who this person was, that it would reawaken the knowledge, the familiarity.

Instead of feeling the typical magic and fascination, Kaoru felt a void. Slowly, she pulled away, realizations hitting her like the first droplets of a deluge in monsoon season.

Staring at his face and holding his hand, only then did Kaoru realize that Sano was a _different_ person now. So much had changed in so little time. Before, she was staring at him seeing the man who meant everything to her. Now, she was staring at him seeing the person who had taken everything away from her. In an instant, the one man she could not live without had turned into someone she barely knew.

Sanosuke Sagara was a stranger- one her mind could not recognize, her heart could not find, her soul could not welcome.

Unbeknownst to herself, she slowly dropped his hand and took two small steps away from him.

* * *

**So this is the way that I say I need you**

Kaoru let out a long sigh as she walked with heavy strides and an even heavier heart back to the hotel.

She knew it; she knew she was losing her grip on him the moment she found herself unable to feel even the slightest feeling of familiarity. She knew it the moment she realized that she was not feeling any resentment anymore for it was buried alive by blankness and indifference.

Kaoru paused from walking and looked back to the hospital building. Her eyes were cheerless, hard as steel, as she slowly became certain, that in her heart he was just someone she used to know. Tonight, the life they shared together had turned into a memory, and perhaps forever it would be.

She passed the reception center, failing to appreciate the warm greeting the receptionist has generously offered her. Kaoru walked slowly, her head low and her eyes empty. When the steel doors of the lift opened, she went in and pressed the key for the fourth level, ignoring the voice calling out for her to hold the elevator.

**This is the way**

The double doors closed and the only sound perceptible was the minor droning of the elevator pulleys. Kaoru was convinced, a love that she had nurtured and cherished in her heart for so long had just died. It went out, like a candlelight deliberately blown off by the abrupt, cruel gush of a winter wind. And it had left her so alone, to grope in the dark, to quiver in the cold.

Kaoru had never felt such isolation. It was as if she was barred into a secret world, where neither the delicate warmth of the sun nor the silver beam of the moon could reach her.

Oh, how she felt so alone.

The familiar bell of the elevator rang and the doors opened to reveal the same, old scene of a silent lobby. Kaoru marched towards her room, hearing the slightest shudder of her breath and the faintest beat of her heart.

She halted. Soundlessly, Kaoru slid to the floor, leaned against the wall, and gazed at the empty hallway before her. It was a conspiracy, she thought. The world had conspired with the silence, with the cold, with the solitude to lament for the love she had just lost, for the person she had just forgotten.

But, right now, she didn't need any of it. What she needed was someone to restrain her from falling into this abyss of loneliness, to go hand-in-hand with her, and to take her back in the world of light and warmth. She needed someone to teach her the all the things that she had forgotten. She needed someone to remind her heart to beat for love again. She needed someone to show her the way to feel alive again.

She needed…_him_.

**This is the way that I'm learning to breathe**

Kaoru hugged her knees and buried her face. She felt like shrinking deeper and deeper into this endless hole of desolation. _He_ had to find her now or she would forever drown in her solitude.

The steel doors of the elevator closed right after Kenshin had uttered his request to hold it. He was positive that there was someone in there but he wondered if the person had deliberately chosen not to hear him.

Lazily, his feet dragged him towards the direction of the stairs. It would be much wiser to climb several flights of stairs than to wait for several minutes for the lift to reach the ground level again. After all, his room was only on the fourth floor and it definitely could help him to squeeze some mild form of exercise to his presently repetitiously dull lifestyle.

Kenshin glanced at the purchase that hung low from his hand. The cans of beer made a slight scratchy sound as they stirred along with his movement. Only moments ago, he had an unexpected need to quench his thirst for some good, old beer, though he didn't know the correct reason why. All he knew was that it had been months since he last savored the liquor and he missed it badly.

**I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall**

When he reached the floor and turned the corner on the way to his room, Kenshin saw Kaoru. He paused abruptly, feeling his heart slightly dangled in the midst of gladness and ache. He felt sincerely glad to see the object of his renewed delight and inspiration. Yet it certainly pained him to see her sitting forlornly on the floor, hugging her knees, burying her face, and shuddering from the cold.

For a moment, he stared unblinkingly at her and stood unmoving as he begun sorting out the thousand emotions frantically assaulting him. He felt the urgent desire to run to her, wrap her in the shielding embrace of his arms, defeat the inner demons in her mind, and keep on with her throughout this cold, endless night.

Slowly, Kenshin began walking towards her. His steps were silent, unhurried, but resolute. His amber eyes, which never left her, flickered with embers that signaled resolve and promise.

**I'm living again, awake and alive**

He wanted to be the air to help her breathe.

He wanted to be the light to help her see.

He wanted to be the friend to hold her hand.

He wanted to be the warrior to set her free.

Tonight, he wanted be the person she was needing.

**I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies**

When he stopped exactly five feet away from her, Kenshin saw Kaoru slowly lifted her head and her eyes swung in his direction. Their eyes met, resolute amber orbs melting with frail sapphire ones in a soft dance of understanding and sharing.

Kaoru drowned in his gaze, feeling the flicker of light, the sense of hope she had been waiting for all night. She marveled at how Kenshin seemed to feel, to know every time she needed him. Could there be a cord binding her heart to his for him to be there every time she needed him to be?

**Hello, good morning, how you've been**_**  
**_**Yesterday left my head kicked in**

Kenshin tried smiling, his eyes sparkling with gentle intent. He walked towards her and sat consciously close to her on the carpeted floor, their elbows touching. He didn't speak, knowing that between the two of them, in their own way of understanding, silence was the most powerful solace. The loudest words were those unspoken.

For a moment, neither moved an inch, both relishing the shroud of beautiful stillness that hung over them. The silence was profound, but between Kenshin and Kaoru, it was the most treasured of its kind. Instantly, Kaoru felt comforted. It was magical, she briefly thought, the way the silence he was so skilled in giving could chase away all the monsters of loneliness that were just crawling on her moments before.

Carefully, Kaoru laid her head on his shoulder and Kenshin shifted slightly to support her. It was an action neither of them seemed to notice, as if there was an exclusive, natural force that brought them closer than ever before.

**I never, never thought that I would fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad**

Kaoru closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath, noting how his shoulder felt wonderfully warm and new. She felt safe and revived in his presence, as if coming home for the very fist time in a long while.

She thought that possibly his shoulder was made exactly for this purpose, for it to be her unyielding safety, her secret refuge. She just wanted to stay there, to breathe in his hope, to live in his kindness, and to bathe in his light.

"Thank you for being here," she whispered almost soundlessly.

"I don't want to be anywhere else," and he meant it. He would be more willing to stay there with her, just like that, for the rest of the night.

**I'm learning to breathe**

For several long minutes, they stayed unmoving, oblivious to anything but the moment, eyes closed, and hearts beating in a tender rhythm of understanding.

His eyes flicked towards the purchase on his right and then something clicked in his mind- it was the cans of beer. Gingerly, Kenshin stood up a few moments after Kaoru withdrew. He looked at her, eyes shining with something new, something deeper, and offered her his hand.

Kaoru, with lips curved into a smile, hooked her hand with his and let herself be pulled off from the floor by his strong arm.

Without saying a word, Kenshin led her to the direction of the stairs and they began climbing it with Kenshin slightly leading way. Kaoru abruptly halted, her curiosity rising exponentially.

**I'm learning to crawl**

"Where are we going?" she asked a little slowly.

"Do you trust me?"

Kaoru's eyes sparkled with something between sureness and admiration, and she smiled again before answering, "Yes."

**I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall**

Kenshin's gripped on her hand tightened and he felt her relaxed. With a gentle pull, they continued climbing, running up a little difficulty, mostly due to Kaoru, they had climbed ten flights of stairs by now and Kenshin showed just a little hint of breathlessness. She, on the other hand, felt her lungs and her legs began to fail her.

"We're here," he stated the obvious. He pushed open a big door to reveal a view a hundred feet from the ground.

They were at the rooftop. The surrounding was exceedingly dim, the only lights being the distant flicker of the thousand stars in the sky. The wind coming from the nearby sea was chilly and strong. The night was silent, the only sound being the deep, murmured roars of the waves licking the shore.

**I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies**

Approaching the stone balustrade, Kenshin pulled out his two cans of beer, opened it with a quick tug, and handed one to Kaoru.

"Drink as much as you can, in one swig."

Kaoru, who had her hands on her knees and who was panting heavily through labored breaths, looked at him incredulously. How could he expect her to drink beer when she could even hardly breathe after dragging her to climb ten flights of stairs?

Before she could utter a word of complaint, Kaoru felt him press the can into her hand.

"Now," he commanded with a slight tone of challenge in his voice.

She saw his eyes sparkle with mischief and amusement and she could not bring herself to refuse. Seconds after, inexplicably, Kaoru found herself with eyes tightly shut and trying so hard to drink the chilly liquor. She heard a faint chuckle, and she figured he had started gulping his own beer, too.

**This is the way that I say I need you**

The beer rapidly trickled through her lips and down to her throat, leaving a trail of blazing heat and distinct tang. She had consumed a good half of the beer and Kaoru swallowed some more, stopping only when her insides said it was too much. With a gasp, she drew the can from her lips and wiped the liquor that dripped down her chin.

"Now, yell, shout as loud as you want."

Kaoru gazed into his flashing eyes before leaning on the balustrade and obliging, although her throat protested at the sudden abuse. She screamed at the top of her lungs, losing her worries to the winds, emptying her emotions into the heavens.

A second after, Kenshin smirked, cupped his mouth with his hands, and coupled her yell. They screamed with all their might, uncaring of anything but each other, and freeing their cares into oblivion.

After a minute of breathless yelling, the two stopped and panted heavily. Kaoru put her hand on her chest, gasping for some much needed air, a little sore but all the while, smiling.

When they had recovered, Kaoru started chuckling for no apparent reason at all. She felt incredibly light.

Kenshin stared at her, her cheeks were flushed and her hair dancing lightly with the cool wind. A small smile played in his lips, he was proud. Somewhere in his heart, he deeply hoped that tonight he made her heart beat again.

**This is the way that I say I love you**

"Feeling better?"

Kaoru wiped the small tear from the corner of her eye, remnants of previous laughter apparent in her eyes. She looked into his amber ores and saw hope, a new light before her.

She then smiled, glanced at the thousand stars twinkling magnificently in the indigo sky, let the frosty wind caress her long hair, listened to the hum of the ocean waves, inhaled the salty tang of the nearby sea, and shut her eyes and felt the magical warmth inside.

She could not remember the last time she had felt this…alive.

Tonight, a love withered in her heart so that a new one could grow and bloom.

Kaoru looked back to his waiting eyes and again their gazes locked and melted in a tender dance. She smiled…and was certain.

**This is the way that I say I'm yours**

"Much better."

Kenshin studied her for several long minutes before returning the smile. He was introspective and yet so conscious of the magic that was happening between them. The night was deep, freezing, vague like a faltering light; but inside him, it was warm, clear, fresh like the first dawn of sun.

They both experienced an end, now they would both begin.

He looked into those sapphire orbs and saw much more than what he did before. It was like a switch that flicked on out of nowhere- the person who was just a friend had suddenly become the person he could not live without.

Gently, without any word, Kenshin pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, afraid that even the frailest blow of wind could take her away from him. He closed his eyes, felt her heart beat against his, and relished the moment…the moment he was holding _his_ entire world.

**This is the way  
This is the way that I'm learning to breathe**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It was midnight, hushed and calm, a faint glow haloed the moon and the stars were flickering like diamonds scattered on the indigo blanket of the sky.

Winter had been cruel with the chill it was bringing and Kenshin had set the old-fashioned heater in his hotel room to its highest possible temperature. He watched as it spewed hot air like some mythical dragon often found in fairy tales he could barely remember.

Two hours earlier, he had been trying to get some sleep but his efforts all proved to be futile. He had tossed and turned innumerable times and had snuggled further into his sheets in deep hopes that the elusive rest would ultimately come; unfortunately, it did not.

Rolling on his side and groping for the switch, he turned the lamp on and watched as it instantly cast a soft, orange glow against the darkened room. His amber eyes roamed around, a thought came to his mind and his face broke into a smile that lingered with delight he hadn't felt for a while.

Kenshin thought of Kaoru. She was his light. They had met barely three months ago under the bitterest and saddest circumstances that had thrown him into the deepest chasm of hatred and hurt where he thought nobody could ever reach him. But she came for she, too, was thrown into that deep abyss he was in. And though she was wounded as much as he was, Kaoru shed her light and dispelled the darkness that has shattered everything he had ever believed in. Through Kaoru, he could see again. He could see that pain becomes lighter if it was shared, that time held a promise of healing, and that life never ran out of new beginnings.

He reached for the switch and turned the lamp off and then again on.

Kenshin let out a long breath, smiled, this time with contentment, and perhaps, hope for what the future may hold not just for him but for the two of them.

Sitting up, he reached for his phone and dialed a number. The other line rang thrice and Kenshin could not remember the last time he had felt this eager.

"Hello?"

* * *

Kaoru mumbled an incoherent protest as she tossed her sheets and sat up, a weary look on her face. Her azure eyes flicked automatically to the wall clock and she noted that she had been battling for sleep for almost one and a half hours now. With a long yawn, Kaoru reached for the remote control and turned the television on.

She flipped through the channels quickly and indifferently. Eventually, she settled for a movie about a mentally challenged father who was on a legal battle for the custody of his eight-year old daughter.

For the first few minutes, Kaoru watched with little curiosity. However, her mind began wandering - Kaoru was not wholly attentive and the movie passed in a haze of indistinct scenes and dialogues.

She was thinking of auburn hair tied in a high ponytail that swayed gently with the wind, of a deep, tender voice that emanated sincerity and kindness, of strong arms that enveloped her in safety and warmth, and of amber eyes that flashed with gladness and love. Her mind had been full of thoughts of him and she wondered when and hoped about the next time that she would see him again. She hoped with eagerness and longing only a loving heart could hope with.

Reclining, Kaoru smiled to herself, completely oblivious to the television in front her and the joyful music playing in the movie's background. She felt light, like some silly teenager thinking about her first love or her first date. Kaoru knew she felt it all before and yet she was feeling it as if it was for the first time, as if it was all new to her. This man had evoked in her feelings that she had long abandoned, memories she had long forgotten and a part of herself she thought she had lost along the way. She closed her eyes, relished the wondrous feelings, and had never felt so young before.

Just then, her mobile phone vibrated, and destroyed her train of cherished thoughts. Quite unwilling, she reached for her phone and answered the unwelcome call.

"Hello?"

"I knew it. I knew you were still awake," the voiced that seeped from the other line struck a string of familiarity in her heart. Kaoru sat up with a renewed sense of interest.

It was Kenshin.

"How did you find out?"

"They say that when you can't sleep, someone is almost certainly thinking of you."

"I wonder _who's_ thinking of me at this late hour of the night," Kaoru said in a teasing tone.

There was silence from the other line and she heard Kenshin drew in a long, heavy breath.

"All right, all right," he said in a defeated manner. "I apologize. I've been thinking about you."

"Perhaps you can do something to make up for my lost sleep. It's your fault after all."

"Let's see," a quick pause and then, "Shall I sing you a lullaby?"

Kaoru was a little surprised with his suggestion but nonetheless welcomed it and agreed, "Yes, please."

"I'm warning you I have a terrible voice."

"You can't be that bad."

Kenshin cleared his throat twice and paused again, "Okay, here goes."

He began humming a tune he knew from his childhood. Rhythmically, he tapped his fingers and though he knew that he wasn't an exceptionally good singer, he enjoyed his own song and sang with the deepest sincerity and softness he could ever muster.

Kaoru closed her eyes, his voice though deep held tenderness and warmth that seemed to shroud her in peace only he was capable of giving. She smiled and relished the calm of the moment and the closeness of his voice.

Kenshin finished with a sustaining note and waited for a while before speaking again.

"I told you it would be bad."

"That's a lie. It was beautiful," she said slowly in a hushed, contemplative voice, "Thank you."

"Am I forgiven?"

"I'll think about it."

Kenshin chuckled. "You know what, I can't sleep either."

"Yeah?"

"Which means that someone might probably be thinking of me too?"

Kaoru laughed under her breath and shook her head, "I'm not guilty."

"I never said you were," he tried hard to hide the amusement in his voice, but failed.

There was silence from the other line and Kenshin chuckled again. Kaoru pouted.

"I'm not guilty you know, but if you want I'll sing you a lullaby too."

"No, I have something better in mind," Kenshin said, a small smile playing in his lips, "I want you to meet me outside._ Now_."

Right after the last word, Kenshin hung up immediately, cutting whatever she may say for a protest. Smirking a little, he relished the authority of his command and the lack of objection from Kaoru or more correctly, her inability to object. Quickly, he got up, changed into a new set of clothes, retrieved his keys, and went outside.

How dare he! Kaoru thought as she listened to the monotonous beeping of his line that went dead with a click. She stared at her phone, he didn't have to do that, it wasn't as if she was going to protest. After all, she had longed to see him again.

* * *

A fog hung low in the profoundly deserted and hushed streets of the small town, but neither Kenshin nor Kaoru seemed to care. It was midnight and they were walking along the walkway where the path had not been copiously sheeted by the snow, without any particular destination at all.

Kenshin snuck a peek in Kaoru's direction, noted that she was wearing her hair down, and realized how breathtakingly pretty she looked under the soft glow of the street lamps. Her eyes were particularly alive with gladness.

He took her hand into his and held it tightly. Kaoru reacted by interlacing her fingers with his. The two looked at each other and smiled, unaware and uncaring of anything else.

Walking on, they reached a park and found a playground. Kaoru suggested that they try the swing and, without waiting for Kenshin's response, gently pulled him towards it.

Kaoru dusted the seat of the swing and plopped down with a child's excitement. She had started swinging slightly when she noticed Kenshin's expectant and steady stare at her.

"What?" She turned towards him and inquired innocently.

Kenshin was sitting to the swing next to her, looking at her with eyes that flashed with playfulness and teasing.

"Aren't you supposed to be pushing _my_ swing?" he said in a light, mocking tone, "It is the retribution I demand for thinking about me too hard and not letting me sleep."

"I told you I was not thinking of you."

"Then who are you thinking of?"

She looked at him blankly and searched desperately for something coherent to say or a way out.

"Now, push my swing," he added, seeing the helpless look on her face and without waiting for a response.

Kaoru glared at him and earned a chuckle in return. With a sigh of defeat and reluctance, she stood up and pushed his swing.

Kenshin smiled, enjoying the swing or more correctly the fairly annoyed and envious expression that was drawn upon Kaoru's face.

"Push, push," he commanded lightheartedly, realizing how pleasurable it was to tease her even more.

After a while, Kaoru stopped and realized how utterly unjust he was to her. Crossing her arms and pouting like a child deprived of her candy, Kaoru sat on the vacant swing and glared at him.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

She frowned at him and looked away.

Kenshin laughed under his breath and realized that he had done enough- the fun was over. He stood up and paced towards her. He reached for her hand but she shrugged him away.

"Now, now, little Kaoru's annoyed," he said in a singsong tune, "What do you have me do, shall I sing you another song?"

No reply.

"How about I treat you to a cup of hot chocolate and croissant?"

No reply.

Kenshin let out a long, heavy breath and studied her face. The same expression of annoyance on her face was still there. A realization hit him and he was certain.

"Or shall I push your swing?"

Her face swiftly turned towards him and lit up in a pleasant way. Kaoru bit her lip and smiled before nodding her head excitedly in consent.

He laughed under his breath and started pushing her swing. Kaoru laughed, she definitely had a way of getting what she wanted.

"You're an extortionist."

* * *

An hour later, the two found themselves sitting face to face across the coffee table in Kenshin's hotel room, eating some doughnuts and hot chocolate they had purchased from a 24-hour bakery on their way back to the hotel.

Kaoru busied herself among the strawberry doughnuts while Kenshin was contented enough in watching her.

She noticed his steady gaze and turned up towards him with an innocent, mocking look on her face, "Is it your first time seeing someone eat?"

"So enthusiastically? Yes."

Kaoru chuckled and looked at him, realizing that he hadn't touched any of the doughnuts at all, "Don't you want one?"

He shook his head slowly and smiled. She regarded his response with a consenting nod and continued munching.

Kenshin leaned back in his chair and studied her again. He felt a yearning he thought he could never feel again, the yearning to keep her not just near but as close to him as possible, to see her smile and be the reason behind it. He yearned for _her_ and everything about her.

Kaoru looked up at him and their eyes met. Kenshin bared the adoration in his eyes, and as he drowned in her gaze, he knew, he was definite…he had fallen in love again.

He stood up, moved in her direction, and knelt down in front of her. He wiped some the confectioner's sugar that was on the corners of her mouth and she smiled at the gesture.

Kenshin continued looking at her with eyes that were burning with affection and resolve. He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and caressed her soft cheek so slowly, memorizing every inch of her face by the touch of his thumb. Kaoru closed her eyes and relished his tender touch.

Just then, a soft knocking interrupted both of them.

The room was perfectly hushed and yet Kenshin and Kaoru's hearts lurched wildly in their chests. Kenshin stood up from where he was kneeling and waited for the sound to drift in the air again.

He was not disappointed. A knock came and evoked a fear he didn't knew was there.

"Who is it?" He asked in the calmest voice he could ever muster. He was looking at Kaoru looking at the door and holding a hand against her chest, afraid and uneasy.

"Son, it's your father-in-law."

This time, Kenshin avoided Kaoru's gaze, frightened that what he might see in them was something he hadn't prepared himself for. Gathering his strength, he cleared his throat and spoke again.

"All right. I'll be there in a moment."

Kaoru had to _hide _and both of them knew the urgency the situation called for.

Quickly and quietly, Kenshin began clearing Kaoru's things away. He retrieved her shoes at the doormat, jacket from the coat-hanger and handed them carefully to her. Gently, he took her hand and ushered her noiselessly into the bathroom. Kaoru's eyes held apprehension and guilt but she didn't let him see it as he looked at her one last time before finally closing the bathroom door in the most careful and soundless manner.

Drawing out a long, burdened breath, Kenshin reluctantly opened the door and forced a smile on his face. Outside, he found Mr. Genzai with his ever gentle features and presence.

"Hello, son. I hope I did not disturb you."

"No, of course not," he started, quite uneasy and fearful that his voice might reveal the guilt he had just concealed, "Have you eaten yet? I was just on my way out."

"I am awfully hungry."

Kenshin nodded and excused himself for a moment to retrieve his keys. In a minute, he found himself and Mr. Genzai in front of the double doors of the hotel. He abruptly halted when a thought clicked in his mind.

Mr. Genzai noticed his trouble and turned towards him, "Is something wrong?"

"I think I forgot to lock my room," was the fastest excuse he could ever think of, "I'll go back and check it myself. Will you wait for me here?"

"Oh sure, go on."

Kenshin did not wait for the elevator anymore. He ran up the stairs with speed he was hiding a while ago. Instantly, he was in his room and he opened the bathroom door. Feeling weak and helpless, Kenshin caught her gaze.

Kaoru had not moved an inch; she stood perfectly still while cradling her things in her arms.

She looked up at him with expectant eyes that began glimmering because of the thin film of unshed tears. She was hurt by a painful realization that hit her when she was least prepared for it.

As their eyes met, he felt worthless. He couldn't protect her from the impact and the pain of the incident and he couldn't help her flee from the cruel reality.

He hid her just like some immoral, corrupted iniquity; just like an unpardonable wickedness that he would be doomed for if the world had proven its very existence.

The incident revealed facts neither of them was aware. Facts that revealed truths they never wanted to deal with. Truths that revealed a sin both of them were guilty of.

They were _traitors_: indefensible by all reason, wrong in every judgment and forbidden by any rule.

"I'm all right," Kaoru said in a low, broken voice. She said it, although both of them knew the falsehood of her words.

Slowly, Kenshin walked towards her and never let go of her gaze. He held her in his arms and hoped that it would be enough to take away the guilt and pain.

They were two people sharing a love that was wrong in everyone else's eyes and a love that could exist only in the hidden, secret spaces of their hearts.

They were in love…incorrectly in love.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The rooftop of the hotel was exceedingly dim, the only illumination coming from the distant stars and the moon peeking from the rolls of clouds. The wind was chilly and the night was peaceful, as it always had been.

Kenshin and Kaoru lay on the cold marbled floor of the rooftop; their thick winter jackets served not only as a makeshift bed but also as blankets. Her head was resting on his outstretched arm and her arm was upon his chest. They were watching the random flicker of the stars, secretly hoping that somehow they had a way to reach them and be as far from this place as possible.

Both had figured that after being nearly caught in their secret affair by Kenshin's father-in-law, this was the safest place they could go to where no one could witness their clandestine love affair or remind them of how unjustly incorrect their act was. No one would see their intimate bond, no one would hear their hearts' whispers, and no one would take them away from each other. No one could be a witness, except perhaps God and the immensity of the universe. But they were good friends, silent, uncritical, and forgiving.

Kenshin pulled her closer to him, if it was even possible, and pushed some of the loose strands of her hair away from her beautiful face.

"You're shaking" he spoke in a hushed, worried voice. Without waiting for her reply, Kenshin pulled his jacket over her shoulders and rubbed them gently with his fingers, trying to fight the iciness that he knew was creeping on her.

Kaoru smiled at his kindness and concern. She reassured him with a nod and gave his hand a light squeeze.

A quick silence shrouded them until Kenshin spoke again.

"Have you heard of _Le Meilleur Quiche_ Restaurant?" he asked, suddenly remembering. "The hotel receptionist told me that it is indisputably the town's finest eatery."

"Is it the one located at the west side of the town square?"

"Yes, the restaurant with the prominent glass façade."

"Oh, I've seen it once but I haven't dined in yet," Kaoru said while shaking her head.

"Good, because I have reserved a dinner for you and me on the night after tomorrow's."

Kaoru turned up to him with a childlike interest, a smile playing in her lips, "Did I hear you right?"

Kenshin nodded in a slightly proud manner, "So are you free?"

Kaoru's smile widened and her eyes crinkled with excitement and delight before nodding her head slowly.

* * *

The day of the dinner came and Kaoru lingered a while longer in her bath before finally getting out and toweling off. She went to her closet and scanned through her dresses, choosing one that matched the color of her eyes.

The dress fell just below the knee and had pearl buttons in the front. She then stood in front of the mirror turning side to side and checking her overall appearance. After being convinced that the look was appropriate, she then began fixing her hair. Kaoru tried several ribbons of various colors but eventually decided on wearing her hair down so it gently touched her shoulders.

She put on a pair of earrings and sprayed a dash of perfume.

She wanted to be exceptionally beautiful tonight.

Retrieving her purse and room keys, Kaoru exited the room and immediately hailed a cab in front of the hotel. She gave directions to the kind-looking driver and watched the scene rolling by through window of the car.

Kenshin and she decided to go separately to the restaurant so that they could shun watchful and suspecting eyes around them.

They weren't so different from Sanosuke and Megumi now, she thought. Kenshin and she were hiding the technically the same romance, escaping from the same judgmental eyes of society, and enjoying the same stolen moments. They were reenacting Sanosuke and Megumi's hidden romance and it had unconsciously pained both of them to realize it.

But neither Kenshin nor she seemed to care. All they knew was that they established a most ultimate bond that neither of them would ever want to let go. They wouldn't be thinking of the uncertain future for now, more so of the agonizing past; what mattered the most were the present and the gift of togetherness it was bringing both of them.

"We're here," said the cab driver, taking Kaoru out of her distant thoughts. She paid for the bill and exited the cab.

The restaurant was unquestionably excellent. The façade of the building was made entirely of glass panels that were framed by detailed woodcarvings. At the entrance were two great statues that couldn't look any more genuine- one was holding a burst of flame in his hand while the other was looking straight into the darkening sky.

A good-looking _serveur_politely ushered her in where she was welcomed by the appetizing scent of baking pastries and the soft decrescendo of the small orchestra.

"Have you got any reservation Madame?" the receptionist asked in a practiced manner. He was an elderly man with a very amiable facial features and equally amiable voice.

"Yes, but I guess my companion isn't here yet."

"May I know your name?"

"Kaoru," she hesitated a little, "Kaoru Sagara."

The receptionist jotted something down before finally turning up to her.

"Mr. Himura had reserved a dinner for both of you. This way, please," he gestured with his hand and led the way towards their table. Courteously, he pulled the chair out for Kaoru and asked if she wanted anything while waiting.

"I'll have a glass of water."

"All right, it'll be here in a moment. Do you want anything else?"

Kaoru shook her head and smiled. With a gracious bow, he walked back to the general direction where they came from.

Instantly, her glass arrived and the quick withdrawal of the waiter had left her alone again. She opened her purse and retrieved her mobile phone, slightly hoping that Kenshin had sent her a message telling her that he was already on his way, she was disappointed.

After taking a little drink from her glass which was refreshing to her slightly parched throat, she checked her watched and realized that perhaps she would be waiting his arrival for a few minutes more. It gave her enough chance to look around the crowd and survey the surrounding.

Grand paintings depicting various landscapes adorned the walls of the long room. At the middle was a space allotted for dancing. Above it, a huge, magnificent chandelier that looked like big chunks of diamonds sewn together hung from the high ceiling.

The majority of the clientele was composed of middle-aged people dining with either their partners or a handful of friends. Some were engaged in a light conversation while relishing the superior cuisine presented by the restaurant while others were pleased enough just by listening to the soft, unhurried tune that the orchestra was playing.

Just then, the orchestra began playing a new melody and the host invited the couples to dance to the tender beat the orchestra had created. Pair by pair, partners stood up and began slowly swaying to the rhythm of the music.

Kaoru smiled and watched the dance. She made a mental note that later she and Kenshin would dance, too, which reminded her of something totally unanticipated of him. He was late. She had been here for almost half an hour now and still no redhead was in sight.

Sighing, Kaoru flicked her phone open only to see that he still hadn't left a message for her. A delectable scent wafted through the air and she heard her stomach churned, she was hungry. Eventually, she was able to shrug the thought aside. She would wait for him, Kaoru decided.

A waiter approached her for the second time now and asked if she would want to take her orders. Repeatedly, he turned him down with a gracious apology and with the same, unchanging reason of having to wait for her companion. Kaoru was starting to feel a little embarrassed at her aloneness.

She glanced impatiently at the clock and only then did she comprehend that she had been waiting for an hour. She had considered calling him and had even tried for a few times. But she immediately hung up even if the other line hadn't even begun ringing. She was afraid to call him, inexplicably afraid to do so.

The hunger made her feel even worse. However, it was not what wholly troubled her; it was his unexpected delay. Kenshin was too much of a gentleman to stand her up or to even make her wait for hours.

Kaoru pushed aside the unpleasant thoughts that had viciously began gnawing at her mind.

'He will come, doubtlessly,' she thought.

"Madame," a voice called out to her and snapped her out of her distant thoughts. "Do you want to make you orders now?"

It was the same waiter that had been asking her now yet the professionally amiable expression on his face hadn't changed at all. Kaoru smiled uneasily.

"I'm sorry but I am waiting for someone. I believe that he will be here any moment from now," she said, even if a part of herself had trouble believing her own words.

"It's all right. Do you want another glass of water?" the waiter asked upon seeing that she had emptied her second glass.

"No, thank you. I will call for you if I need anything else."

"Where is he?" she asked anxiously to no one in particular.

Kenshin was late…_awfully_ late.

Her azure orbs flicked towards the main entrance and Kaoru hoped that she would see a certain redhead there, wearing an apologetic smile and running towards her. She saw none.

Minute after minute, the people left in an uninterrupted sequence until she looked around only to realize that she was the only one left behind in the restaurant. The crew had thrown her innumerable glances, although the majority was out of curiosity, some were out of sympathy and even concern.

Kaoru avoided their looks and settled her gaze at the empty glasses in front of her. Nevertheless, through her peripheral vision she saw that the rest of the restaurant crew had finished cleaning up and the orchestra members had already left. The receptionist was discussing something to who seemed to be the establishment's manager, both of them throwing glances along her way.

The lights of the other half of the long room were turned off, and as if that served as a go signal, the receptionist walked towards her with an apologetic look drawn upon his face.

"Madame, it's very late," he started, his voice cordial but sorry, "I and the whole staff would like to extend our apologies as we have to close for the night."

Kaoru tried hard to smile and disguise the disappointment on her face, but failed miserably. Slowly, she stood up and stooped for a bow while repetitively making an apology to the kind man and the few remaining crew.

She exited the restaurant and walked to the stop. Kaoru plopped down at the bench with a sigh of loneliness and weakness. The streets were utterly empty, hushed she could even faintly hear the steady beating of her heart.

For several minutes, Kaoru stayed still while watching the repetitious changing of the traffic lights above her. When she realized the remote likelihood of a taxi passing by, Kaoru stood up and started walking back to the hotel. Her footsteps were slow and heavy, her head stooped and her eyes glued to the pavement. She was infinitely sad and disappointed.

Kenshin had _not_ come.

* * *

Earlier that day, on his way to the rendezvous he and Kaoru agreed upon, Kenshin had stopped over a flower shop and bought a bouquet of white roses. He himself scanned among the flowers and picked the prettiest he could find. He even requested for the most elegant embellishment the florist was capable of.

Glancing at the flowers he had purchased, he wondered if Kaoru would like it as much as he hoped she would.

Continuing on his way and driving along, Kenshin felt his mobile phone vibrating. He retrieved it from his coat pocket and flicked it open, enthusiastically hoping that Kaoru was the one calling.

He was mistaken.

The voice that seeped from the other line was one that he wasn't certain he would have to welcome or not: it was his father-in-law, Mr. Genzai.

"Son, where are you?" his voice was somewhere in between being eager and glad, "I have good news for you."

The next few words Mr. Genzai said made his heart skip a beat and summoned the hidden fears and grudges he thought he had buried for good.

He pulled off to the side lane and stopped the car, holding his breath and staring off into the distant horizon. The sun had begun to set and so was his consciousness of the whole situation.

Time froze and Kenshin stopped breathing.

Part of him couldn't believe what he had just heard and the other part of him _didn't_want to believe it.

_"Megumi's awake."_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: It's been ages! I apologize for the terribly long wait. _:(_ I swear that I'll be able to update regularly because I have already finished writing the story. Watch out, there are two more chapters before this story finally comes to an end. Please R&R!_

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Kaoru pulled her jacket closer to her trembling body as a strong gush of cool wind blew. After the upsetting turn of events lately, a chance to clear her mind of it even for just a moment is unquestionably necessary, and being on the rooftop of the hotel provided her the temporary peace she desperately wanted. Leaning on the stone balustrade, Kaoru looked at the familiar view of the small town beneath her feet.

The streets, lined with majestic trees and tall streetlights that cast a light orange glow, were still bursting with people walking in steady, unhurried paces- as if they didn't have a haunting past to run from or a promising future to chase after. Kaoru envied that equilibrium, that gift of being able to relish the present without having to burden oneself with the wound of what was and the ambiguity of what would be.

Her eyes shifted a little to the north and settled at the exquisite coffee shop she and Kenshin frequented a lot. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the lovely aroma of roasting coffee beans that never failed to welcome them whenever they enter the shop. Only then did she comprehend that she wasn't much of a coffee drinker before until Kenshin made her realize how delightful it could really be especially with the right company.

Kaoru opened her eyes and stared at the arcade just a few blocks from the café. The bright, small lights on its facade were blinking and moving in playful rhythms the same way they did before. Then, she moved her gaze a little to the south and saw the playground and the swing they played on one frosty winter night. She had always heard of grownups wishing hopelessly that they were children again- when the only concern one could think of was what toy to ask for or which among the candies tasted the sweetest. Never had she imagined that one day she would find herself uttering the same hopeless wish, until now- when reality showed her how damn hurtful and complicated life and love could be.

Letting her gaze wander again, Kaoru looked at the police station, at the pharmacy, and finally at the hospital building- the one reminder telling her that in a few weeks' time, she _should_ be leaving this town.

She looked at the moon peeking from the roll of clouds above her before inhaling deeply and looking at the town beneath her again. It was her escape, Kaoru believed, a dreamland she had so willingly allowed herself to live in just so she could run away from the darting pains of reality; and whatever she and Kenshin had was all part of that foolish dream she knew she would have to wake up from at one point in time.

Megumi had woken up, Kaoru learned. Earlier, on her way to Sanoskue's doctor, she saw her at the hospital corridor, cradled in a wheelchair, sitting by the window and gazing emptily at the scene outside. She was still incapable of walking but a few months of therapy would ultimately restore her legs back to being functional. Though she had noticeably lost some weight, her skin prominently bruised in some areas, and her eyes barren of hope, Megumi Himura still appeared effortlessly beautiful in Kaoru's eyes. Emanating from her was the graceful femininity and subtle elegance she had always imagined Megumi to possess.

Kaoru didn't realize she was staring until Megumi turned to look towards her direction. Caught off guard, she tore her gaze away from her, panic slightly apparent in her movements. Though both tried avoiding it, their eyes met for a split second of exchanged indifference. Kaoru could feel the pair of eyes at her back as she continued on her way with quick resolute steps. Hiding behind a wall that finally brought her out of Megumi's sight, she paused for a moment to calm her heart that inexplicably sped up at the sight of the woman she envied and pitied at the same time.

She knew it was extremely cruel and selfish of her to feel hurt upon seeing her regain consciousness, but it was much more hurtful to realize that Kenshin stood her up because he had to take care of his sick wife.

Remembering her, only then did she begin to wonder why Megumi imperilled her marriage with Kenshin in exchange for an adulterous affair with Sano. She understood that Megumi might have fallen for the calming carefree manner of his speech, the teasing mischief in his smile, or the surprising tenderness of his touch. Sano had a distinct and almost mysterious way of making a girl fee like a woman, safe and precious, in the encirclement of his arms. He would take whatever she was carrying in her hands no matter how weightless it could be, hold the door open for her even if it was understandably unnecessary, offer his hand for support whenever she alit from a vehicle, and hurriedly put her behind the protection of his back if there was even the slightest commotion in a room. With all fairness, Sanosuke was a real gentleman obscured by his sporadic brazen actions and habitual playful mocking.

It had been what made him so endearing to a divinely fine woman like Megumi, Kaoru supposed and she was certain, because she fell in love with the same person a long time ago.

However, it was beyond her comprehension as to the reasons Megumi had for determinedly choosing her husband, Sano, over Kenshin; it was like abandoning her place in heaven to be on earth. Jealous thoughts materialized immediately in her mind and tried as she could to suppress them, she couldn't.

Megumi had what she could only hoped for- the simple freedom of being able to love Kenshin without it being wrong, the simple freedom of saying those three words without guilt gnawing at her conscience, the simple freedom of asking him to stay by her side without him having to choose between her and his rightful wife, the simple freedom of holding his hand out in the open without being judged or frowned upon. All Kaoru wanted was to be in Megumi's place- simple but impossible.

Indeed, one person's trash is another person's treasure.

She had to leave. It was time to remove the blindfold she had willingly worn for a half a year so that she wouldn't see the painful certainties she didn't want to see. It was time to return to its rightful place and owner what she had taken. It was time to awaken and shatter the sweet illusions she had willed herself to trust. It was time to give up… to give _him_ up. It may seem tremendously difficult but it was not impossible that Megumi and Kenshin could start over again, reconstruct their lives that were put on hold, and re-establish the bonds that they so intimately shared before. After all, it was just a matter of forgiveness, and the Kenshin she knew was a very kind person.

A cold wind blew some of her hair and Kaoru immediately tucked it behind her ear. She sighed before shifting her gaze to the barely moving lights of traffic on a not-so-distant highway. The hue of the lights briefly reminded her of his auburn hair and her heart ached at the memory. Silently, Kaoru reprimanded herself for believing that whatever affection there was between her and Kenshin could withstand the tests of time and reality. She knew their relationship was doomed to end even in the beginning yet she foolishly permitted herself to reconstruct her life around it, to cherish it as if it was the rarest thing in the world, and to hold on to it as if it was to last forever.

It was a mistake to fall in love with him, but there was more fault in believing that there was power in it, Kaoru thought.

* * *

Kenshin raised his hand and emptied the contents of the tall beer can into his mouth, the liquor leaving a trail of blazing heat and distinct tang. He drank without pause, swallowing with an unusual eagerness and need. His insides started protesting at the sudden and already excessive alcohol intake yet Kenshin carried on, stopping only upon the realization that the last drops of the liquor had long trickled down his throat. With a gasp, Kenshin withdrew the can from his lips, burped, and wiped some of the liquor that dripped down his chin.

He crushed the empty tin can and allowed it to slip from his hand. It fell from where he was sitting at the top of the stairway to the landing, creating a loud but short-lived noise that pierced the perfect quietness of the night. Kenshin watched and listened, almost sorry that the nonsensical distraction he had created for himself ended so soon.

It was the eight can of beer he had that day.

Gathering his legs into a tight embrace and burying his head, Kenshin could smell the reek of alcohol in his own breath. His eyes closed, finally succumbing to the heaviness it had been battling for a while.

Kenshin's mind wandered to the night before. After he received a call informing him of Megumi's waking, he spent an hour sitting still in his car, looking at the vast fields stretched before him. A thousand thoughts ran chaotically in his mind. Several times he dialed Kaoru's number, only to hang up even before the call was completed. Resting his head on the wheel, Kenshin let out a shaky breath.

He didn't know what to do; he didn't know how to tell Kaoru.

Or perhaps he _didn't want to te_ll her.

Kenshin had known the kindness natural to Kaoru's heart, her beautiful and selfless willingness to sacrifice even her own happiness for the sake of others'. He was certain the moment she knew of Megumi's waking, she would ask him to sever his ties with her. He was terrified to go through that pain- to lose her, to feel her hand suddenly slip from his grasp to where he couldn't reach it and to witness and be able to do nothing at the ache she would try to hide behind her cerulean eyes.

Turning off his phone, Kenshin grudgingly ignored a small voice at the back of his mind telling him to call Kaoru. He drove for miles without a definite destination, unconsciously allowing himself to be taken to wherever the bends of the road would lead to.

Gripping the wheel painfully tight, he agonizingly mulled over how much of a weakling he was- an uncaringly cruel coward who refused to face reality because he didn't know how to deal with pain, an incredibly selfish person who chose to hurt the woman he loved instead of himself.

Her beautiful face flashed before his eyes and Kenshin felt a dull throbbing in his heart. Guilt, frustration, fear and sadness drowned his whole being. The headlights of the traffic coming from the opposite direction began to appear as indistinct blurs in his vision and he realized he was crying.

Without a warning, Kenshin sharply pulled off from the highway and onto the side lane, earning a lengthy honk from the seemingly irritated motorist behind him. The passing vehicles illuminated his face now and then. Squinting from the intensity of lights, he bowed his head low and finally surrendered to the urge to cry.

Kenshin wept quietly- an unseen moment of weakness, desperation, and sorrow.

Long hours of silence and solitude had passed. The first faint glow of the rising sun in the eastern sky began appearing, gradually overwhelming the gloomy darkness of the previous night. It was another day. Kenshin hadn't moved an inch; his head still hung low in his chest, his eyes remained tearful, and his heart continued breaking.

Taking in a deep, quivering breath, he composed himself a little and surveyed his surrounding. Making sure he could drive despite being sleepless, Kenshin started the machine and drove purposelessly. His tired eyes managed to focus on the road while his mind drifted perpetually, searching for anything that might give him direction.

He remembered passing by endless green fields that stretched to meet the mountains. Likewise he could recall seeing the calm sea sparkling as the sun blazed above it. The rest of his journey was an indistinguishable haze in his memory. The next thing Kenshin could remember was the day turning into night and him being back at hotel, where he was presently sitting on the fire exit stairs, drunk with alcohol and longing for her.

_Kaoru. _

The thought of her made him realize how desperately he wanted to see her, to hear the compassion in her voice, to feel the warmth of her hand, and to drown in the affection swirling in her sapphire eyes. Kenshin wanted to see and talk to her, but still he was unsure of how he should tell her the news of Megumi's waking. He wasn't even certain if she would welcome his company after his unkind selfishness and absolute cowardice kept her waiting for an undeserving man who didn't come. Yet, despite the consciousness of his guilt and unworthiness, Kenshin couldn't suppress yearning for and needing her.

He had to find Kaoru, Kenshin thought. He was so consumed by the dread of losing her without realizing that he was the one pushing her away. He wanted to protect her from the pain without knowing that it was him inflicting it upon her.

Grasping the cold stair railing, he pulled himself to his feet and paused for a while to maintain his balance that was threatened by drunkenness. Resolute to find her but unsure of her whereabouts, he permitted himself to be guided by his feet that had began climbing the stairs leading to the rooftop.

* * *

"I knew you'd be here."

Kaoru heard the door swung open and tilted her head a little towards the direction of the sound. She didn't have to turn around to know to whom the obviously strained voice belonged. It was the one she had longed to hear, the one that could set her heart on fire even though just several minutes ago she swore never to let it.

She heard him approach with slow, inconsistent footsteps uncharacteristic of him. Only when he was beside her a few seconds later was Kaoru able to tell that he was drunk. His hands were tucked in his pockets, his eyes fixed somewhere distant, and his hair swaying slightly with the icy wind.

A contemplative silence shrouded them, both clueless as to what they had to say. The past circumstances were too painful to talk about and the future possibilities were equally hurtful to imagine.

Kenshin was deep in thought. Simply apologizing would undoubtedly not suffice to amend his irresponsible actions, but it could be a good start. Taking in a deep, burdened breath, he opened his mouth to speak but Kaoru broke the silence first.

"What are you doing here?" she asked bitterly without returning the look he had given her.

"I apologize. I know what I did was unpardonable, but still, I ask for your forgiveness," he said somewhat slowly, his voice shaking a little. "I didn't come- I, I couldn't come the other night because I was so afraid. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry, Kaoru. I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter now; Sano and I will be leaving in two weeks' time."

Kenshin's worst fear was confirmed. He didn't miss the hurt, the detachment, and the feeling of goodbye in her tone. He had the feeling Kaoru already knew of Megumi's waking and the words she told him next validated it.

"You must be relieved Megumi has woken up. I, too, am glad that she's safe. Now you have the chance of a new beginning, to rebuild the life you have lost somewhere," she paused for a while, keeping her head bowed so that her hair hid her misty eyes.

"I will not hold you back, Kenshin. I really wish you'll be able to find happiness with her again. Hurry and go, your wife needs you- now more than ever."

His heart broke as he heard the sadness in her voice that she tried so hard to disguise. This was everything he imagined this event would be. He knew they were the exact words she would tell him but never had he prepared himself for the great pain of hearing them for real.

He turned to look at her, searching for a pair of sapphires that she purposely kept away from him. "This is why I chose not to tell you about Megumi, because I was certain you would rather leave than stay."

"I am doing this for you, for both-"

"Well it's not helping!" Kenshin yelled, losing whatever little control he had of his emotions.

Kaoru was taken aback; it was the first time she heard his voice rose and tremble with utterly obvious frustration and pain. Still, she refused to look at him, definite that what she would see in his eyes was powerful enough to break even the toughest of her resolution.

"You talk about finding happiness with my wife when you know exactly that I can only find it with you! If you truly care about me like you have led me to believe, you won't give up and abandon me now because it is you- _it is you whom I need now more than ever_!"

The last words he shouted were an explosion of raw emotions, feelings that could not be contained, cries of help that could not be unheeded.

At the very end of his little speech, Kaoru turned swiftly around to leave as the tears that had gathered in her eyes fell. If she would stay even a second longer, she was certain she wouldn't be able to disregard the despairing need that made his voice shake and break. But immediately, she was stopped by a firm hand that held her by the wrist. She tried to escape from his grip but to no avail. Finally, stopping from struggling when she realized he wouldn't let go, Kaoru turned to look at him for the first time since he arrived there and only then did she notice the unshed tears in his eyes.

Without any other word, Kenshin pulled her into a tight embrace and hid his face in the junction of her neck and her shoulder.

She felt his tears trickle down on her skin. His shoulders started trembling and she heard the first faint sobs that escaped from his mouth. Kaoru argued with herself; she knew she needed to push him away, turn her back, and hold on to the resolutions she had prudently constructed in her mind. But as she finally permitted herself to be enveloped in the beseeching embrace of his arms, Kaoru started to believe that perhaps she was needed there, much more than she was and would be needed anywhere else.

"Don't leave… _please_," he pleaded. Kenshin tightened his embrace, afraid that the moment he let go, she would vanish into thin air. He was holding Kaoru and suddenly everything felt all right, suddenly he wanted to live forever. He was holding her- the entirety of his world, the definition of his being, the core of his heart. He was holding her and he would never let go, no matter how complicated the impending consequences may be.

He was holding her and nothing else mattered to him except her and the awe of this moment.

Kaoru lost a battle and somehow it felt good. It felt good yielding to the true desires of her heart; it felt good having her defences brought down; it felt good being captured in the encirclement of his arms.

She had lost but she never felt more victorious.

She wrapped her arms around him and whispered in his ear.

"I'm here, I'm here."

* * *

Kaoru watched as the bright lights of the traffic illuminated Kenshin's handsome features. His eyes, which were shining in its usual golden hue, were apparently tired. Yet, there seemed to be more power in it, a steadfast determination and a limitless affection.

Knowing, even without looking, that she had been staring at him, Kenshin smiled a little. Without taking his eyes off the road, he extended his arm to reach for her hand. She first watched as his hand groped for hers several times before finally taking it.

"Where are we going?"

"Wherever you want to."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. It was funny how not long ago she was ready to give up everything she cherished the most. Now as he held her hand, Kaoru felt restored and prepared again, ready for whatever lied ahead and for wherever the threads of fate would bring them to.

Thirty minutes later, Kaoru had fallen asleep only to be woken up by the slight swaying of the car as it hit a small hole on the road. She rubbed her eyes and stretched a little while surveying the motion-blurred and quite unfamiliar nightscape around her. Briefly she realized they were near to the sea. She turned to look at Kenshin who regarded her with a small smile before quickly turning his gaze back to the road.

Finally, the vehicle pulled to a halt. Kenshin turned the ignition off but left the headlights of the car lit and the radio playing on. He exited the vehicle first and rushed to the other side to open the door for her.

A strong surge of ocean breeze blew and Kaoru basically relied to Kenshin's arm to keep her standing and firmly supported. Despite the thick material of the jacket she was wearing, Kaoru still felt cold and she rubbed her arms with her hands to try to ward off the iciness of the night. Noticing her little trouble, Kenshin took off his coat and gingerly put it around her.

"Thanks," she said in a low, hushed voice.

Kenshin took her hand in reply as they began pacing towards the waterfront. The night was quiet save for the murmured roars of the sea rushing to meet the shore and the music drifting from the car stereo. Numerous stars gleamed in the night sky; some were weak but most were so bright, as if almost within reach, Kaoru thought.

They paused to look at the distant, obscure horizon ahead of them. The crescent moon hung low in the sky and its silver light hit the tranquil mirror-like surface of the vast sea.

"What can possibly be there?" She asked, pointing at the horizon.

"Probably still the expanse of the sea or an undiscovered island," Kenshin shrugged, and turned to meet her inquiring gaze.

"Do you want to find out?"

Kenshin nodded. "I wish I'd find a desolate island there, one we could own, where I could build a house that we could share for the rest of our lives."

Kaoru looked up to him quizzically, admiring the beautiful features of his face as he looked at the sea. His lips curved into a small almost cheerless smile as he described the minute details of his fantasy. She pressed his hand and urged him to go on.

"We could sail away from here and never return. I would even buy a yacht, so every now and then we could go to the mainland to pick up our supplies," Kenshin paused for a while and enjoyed the contemplative silence before finally speaking again.

"Or if you want, we could just sail around the world- uncaring of anyone or anything else." Forcing a chuckle, he looked at Kaoru who had been intently listening. He hoped Kaoru didn't find him hopelessly foolish. He knew just how implausible the aforementioned plans of his were; yet he could not bring himself to avoid dreaming, even for just a moment, of that day when he and Kaoru could finally be free to love another without it being so horrendously wrong.

As they continued walking, Kaoru didn't fail to notice the slight gloom in his amber eyes as Kenshin spoke. She was sure what she saw was helplessness, one she wanted to assuage but could not for she didn't know how. All she could do was listen, hold his hand, and share his pain.

The pair relished the impeccable peace and the desired isolation. Kenshin looked at Kaoru and noted how breathtakingly lovely she looked as the winds swept her hair and as the moonlight shined faintly in her eyes. The music playing on the car radio drifted in the air and he turned to her with a gentle smile etched on his face.

"Do you want to dance?"

Kaoru regarded him with an amused expression, a bit taken aback by his question, but nevertheless nodded her head in approval. Delicately, Kenshin wrapped his arm around her waist as she laid her hand upon his shoulder. They were so close to each other, breathing the same air, their faces almost touching. Their feet then began moving, in a rhythm their hearts knew and their souls dictated.

Underneath the immensity of the open skies, Kenshin and Kaoru danced slowly - heedless of anything but each other. He held her closer to him and softly kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around his neck and their lips met. The kiss deepened with passion so strong yet so tender.

Two hearts- both scarred by the lashes of the unforgiving past, both fearful of what the ambiguous future would bring, danced in the midst of impossibilities and bleakness. Yet, deep within them shone a ray of light, a little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, love would find a way.

"I love you."

* * *

They were on their way back when both decided to stay the night in an inn close to the beach. There, they may share a room, hold hands while walking, and let their hearts on display without having to worry about dodging suspicious glances or judgments thrown at them. They were alone, distant from the waking reality. Nothing was a reminder of how awfully sinful their deeds were; nothing was a reminder of how all of these may soon come to an end.

It was just them and the gift of togetherness time had given them.

They lied in bed, staring at each other as if they could show in their eyes what they could not put into words. His amber eyes were tender yet burning with a newfound resolve and hopefulness.

"I want to be with you forever."

He brushed a few strands of her hair away from her face and cupped her smooth cheek. There was strength in his touch, Kaoru thought. Yet there was this careful mildness that she could feel he tried hard to muster in fear that he might hurt her. His hand continued its unhurried trail downward to her neck, shoulder, chest, stomach, and finally it rested upon the cloth belt of the robe she was wearing. He looked at her again, as if asking for permission so he could strip away the only piece of clothing separating her body from his.

Kaoru bared the adoration and gladness in her eyes. She nodded her approval and smiled.

"Make me yours."

Carefully, Kenshin tugged at the knot and pushed the fabric away, exposing her glorious naked form he was seeing for the first time. He showered her face with kisses before pulling her body closer to his, the prelude to a night of passion filled with two people's unconstrained affection, desire, longing, and need.

* * *

Kenshin and Kaoru spent the next day doing everything they could. They visited some places nearby- the local market and the souvenir shop, buying whatever caught their attention like a pair of scarves, a wind chime, and two small vials filled with origami stars. When the sun was high on the sky, they stayed at the hotel room, watching old movie reruns and ordering almost everything listed on the room service's menu. In the afternoon, they took pictures of the setting sun as it displayed its glorious rays and colored the skies. They walked barefooted in the shore and played as the waves gushed forward and then retreated. A little tired but not wanting to fall asleep and end the day, they just lied in bed- holding each other close, talking about their dreams and secrets they haven't shared with each other yet.

Kaoru snuggled closer to Kenshin and closed her eyes as she relished the soothing timbre of his voice and the cool ocean breeze going in through the open balcony door. He was singing her a lullaby while his hand ran gently through her silky locks.

They had never been this happy. Kaoru prayed that the world would stop on turning or that the night would go on forever.

Humming a soft decrescendo, Kenshin ended the song and looked at the woman whose head was resting upon his chest. He opened his mouth to speak but he was interrupted by the distinct sound his mobile phone created as it vibrated on the top of the bureau.

It's one of the phone calls both of them dreaded receiving. Every now and then, his father-in-law or another relative would call him, inquiring of his whereabouts and his plans of returning. It was the same for Kaoru. Every time, they had to lie- they had to fabricate stories of urgent appointments that could not wait or of important people they had to do business with.

Kenshin bit his lip to suppress a curse from escaping his mouth.

Kaoru opened her eyes and looked up to meet Kenshin's questioning gaze. She knew, even without spoken words, that he was asking her to decide whether he should answer the phone or not. She was pretty certain he wouldn't if she would just tell him so.

Withdrawing from his arms and sitting up, Kaoru flashed a small, encouraging smile at him and nodded before speaking.

"Go on."

Kenshin returned her reassuring look with an apprehensive stare. Sighing noisily and never taking his eyes off her, he reached for the phone that had been incessantly ringing and flipped it open with evident unwillingness.

The voice that seeped from the other line wasn't an unfamiliar one.

"I'm sorry but I can't come till the day after tomorrow," said Kenshin quietly. "The task on hand has to be taken care of immediately. I'm sorry."

Kaoru stood up from where she was sitting and walked to the balcony with heavy steps. She tried hard but could not deter the guilt as it advanced slowly to her consciousness. She looked across the still waters and remembered that several miles from where she was, her husband lied in a hospital bed, helplessly caught between the vicious tug-of-war of life and death. Kenshin's wife, on the other hand, was pitifully sitting in a wheelchair, crippled, unattended, and perhaps lonely.

These people had caused her so much sorrow, was it so wrong then for her to choose to be where she presently was than to be where she should really be? Was it so wrong to forsake Sano the same way he had forsaken her? Was it so wrong to choose the sinful bliss she had here than the rightful grief she had back there?

Kenshin watched her moved across the room and ended his phone conversation hurriedly; very definite that he discerned what was going on in her head. He followed her to the balcony and gathered her in his arms, resting his head upon her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," said in Kenshin in a hushed voice.

"It's all right," she tried reassuring him, stroking his arms that were tightly wrapped around her waist. She would choose to be here. She would choose to be happy.

The two stood in a contemplative silence; it was a long while until one of them spoke again.

"Let us sleep," Kaoru suggested, gently pulling him towards the bed. "Tomorrow may bring good things."

She smiled at him, trying to restore the mood that was evidently dampened by the recent phone call. In his heart Kenshin prayed that her words were true.

Moments later, Kaoru had fallen asleep, her head resting on his arm. Kenshin lied awake, listening to her heavy breathing and watching the steady rise and fall of her chest. Then his gaze fell upon her tranquil face- her skin lit by the yellow glow of the lampshade, her eyes tightly shut, and her soft lips parted a little.

It was this sight he wanted to see beside him every waking moment.

It was this memory he wanted to bury in his heart and immortalize.

It was this solace he wanted to protect and keep forever.

It was this person he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.

And as Kaoru shifted slightly in her sleep to curl closer to him, Kenshin became so certain- that he was prepared for whatever it would be asked of him to keep her beside him, that he was willing to risk and lose it all for her, that he was ready to make the choice that would change his life eternally.

Leaning in, he closed his eyes and brushed his lips against her forehead.

He would choose her, her above everything and everyone else.

* * *

In the morning, when the sun wasn't even high in the sky, Kenshin and Kaoru were both woken up by the ceaseless ringing of her phone.

Unenthusiastically, she reached for it, flicked it open, and managed to say a coherent greeting. It was a familiar voice, one she didn't expect or wish to hear.

"Good morning, Mrs. Sagara," said the doctor from the other line, trying to inject a little positivity in his tone, but failed. Kaoru noted the unusual quietness and hidden apprehension in his voice, washing her in a sudden and inexplicable fear.

"I'm sorry if I have disturbed you in any way, but your presence is very much needed here in the hospital. I suggest that you be here as soon as possible."

The next words the doctor told her sent Kaoru in a state of panic and dread that brought her to her feet. Kenshin, pushing his surprise aside, followed and fixed himself in the swiftest way he could. He need not raise a question; the alarm and fear that registered in Kaoru's face already conveyed the message that something was amiss.

He took her hand and ran quickly towards the elevator. Kenshin stopped shortly at the ground floor to fix their bills while she paced back and forth, eyes misty.

Five minutes later, Kenshin and Kaoru were in his auto. He stepped firmly on the accelerator pedal and maneuvered the wheel, with great precision, to avoid cars coming from the opposite direction as he shifted lanes now and then.

Finally, they reached the hospital and he immediately pulled off to the side lane. Before exiting the car, Kaoru looked at Kenshin one last time and squeezed his hand. She let go before he even had the chance to squeeze her hand back or to tell her that he would be waiting.

Skipping her usual practice of checking her surrounding for automobiles that may be going her direction, Kaoru rushed to the other side of the road where the main entrance of the building was. She was in such great hurry that she didn't even notice as Kenshin called out her name two times.

Kenshin shut the car door behind him and suddenly he felt weak. He could only watch as she ran, her long, untied hair swaying with her hurried movements. He could only watch even if he wanted to stop her from leaving_. _He wanted Kaoru to turn around and see him waiting for her on the other side of the road.

He wanted her to choose him, the way he would choose her at any given moment.

Kaoru kept running, her heart racing irrepressibly in her chest. She never looked back, remaining oblivious to the heart that broke soundlessly at the sight of her panicked departure.

She rushed along the familiar hospital halls, finding the ICU after several turns and corners. Upon Kaoru's arrival, the doctor and some of the medical personnel standing behind a counter swayed their gazes upon her, an almost condolatory look written in their faces.

The doctor went up to her, one hand holding a chart and the other removing his surgical mask. His blue surgical gown blurred in Kaoru's vision as tears started flooding her eyes. The doctor began explaining the earlier circumstances in a quiet voice, majority of what he said she didn't understand or she heard indistinctly. The doctor ended his speech with an apology, eyes cheerless and head bowed in sympathy. Eventually, he gestured for her to follow him inside the room.

There lied the body of the person who had hurt her immeasurably… yet that was the same person she once knew, valued, and loved so much. There _it _lied- cold, irresponsive, lifeless.

_Sanosuke Sagara was dead._


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Here's an update, because I feel guilty for making you wait. (I didn't mean to make that rhyme.) This is the second to the last chapter and already I want to thank everyone who has been kind enough to follow the story's development, to voice out their opinions, and to put up with my erratic updating schedule. :) _

_I ask that you'll bear with me till the end._

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Megumi felt the damp earth beneath her feet loosened a little as she cautiously stood up and shifted the weight of her body to her limbs. She closed her eyes tightly, afraid that at any moment her wobbly knees would succumb to fragility and drag her down to the ground yet again. She counted silently to five, waiting for the likelihood of her collapse that didn't arise. The trivial feat generated a wave of relief and confidence that washed over Megumi; she breathed deeply and shielded her eyes from the blazing mid-afternoon sunlight so she could better survey her current location.

It was oddly unfamiliar, Megumi instantly gathered. She was standing at the end of a desolate dirt road amidst ceaselessly extending fields of purple hyacinth flowers. They basked in the sustaining warmth of the sun and swayed delicately with the same placid breeze that blew her hair. It was ironic how such subtle movements could be so outright exquisite. She reached out to a particularly near cluster of blossoms, giving in to the curious yearning to feel, to seize in her hand such daintiness. Megumi, however, stopped herself halfway and she withdrew her hand rather half-heartedly. For she remembered that inside her lied this great ugliness and evil that had never failed to turn everything she touched into tragedy and ruins.

Sighing unhappily, Megumi tore her gaze away from the flowers and willed it to roam for a moment. She searched for anything identifiable, for any trace of nearby civilization, and for any road sign that may offer her understanding of where she was or what direction she should be heading to- she found none. All around her were infinite fields of purple stretching to meet the very distant horizon.

Fear and panic promptly settled on Megumi upon the awful realization that she was absolutely alone in a place nameless and deserted. Her horror only escalated when she tried walking but found that her feet were firmly fixed on the ground. Desperate, Megumi attempted moving again, utilising every bit of energy in her frail body as she wrapped her hands around a leg and tried lifting it. She pulled frantically with a mighty force that threatened her balance. With a loud yelp of exasperation and defeat, her knees ultimately buckled and Megumi collapsed to the ground- her feet remained unmoving.

She fisted her hands and hit the ground furiously, tears of helplessness rapidly flooding her eyes. Never had Megumi felt this pathetic and abandoned. Suddenly, in the haze of self-pitying contemplations, the sound of approaching footsteps travelled over. Megumi immediately lifted her head, the little ray of hope that shot through dispelled some of the darkness that was rapidly gnawing at her despairing heart. She narrowed her eyes and tried to identify the hazy silhouette that was marching in her direction. She waited, optimistic and somewhat relieved that her solitariness was true no more.

The familiarity of the figure dawned a few seconds later and only then did the partial joy that hovered above her finally came to completion and utmost. Her eyes were yet again flooded by tears, which she hurriedly wiped so that the vision in front of her would not be undeservingly blurred or clouded.

It was Sanosuke.

She watched yearningly as he paced towards her, his unruly hair danced with the gentle wind and his lips curved slightly in a confident smirk. That was the man for whom she risked her everything, whom she valued above everyone. And even if such choice had brought so much unbidden heartaches and devastation, never had she regretted it- for once in her life she had known how to offer and accept love that was incontestably genuine, passionate, and everlasting.

After an unnoticed instant, Sanosuke was in front of her, returning the longing gaze she had given him; their eyes locked in shared understanding and affection. He knelt, brought his hand to her face and gingerly wiped her tears. Megumi ignored the unusual coldness of his hand, her heart swelling with gladness and security as she relished his gentle touch. Finally in his presence, she was safe, guarded from all the sorrows that had been rallying to imprison her. Finally someone would take her hand and lead her home, away from this anonymous place where the shades of purple reminded her of nothing but solitude and silence.

She never expected that Sanosuke's hold on her would eventually be withdrawn, so Megumi immediately opened her eyes when she heard him stood up. The next thing she knew was the vanishing smile in his face and the dying shine in his eyes as he looked at her one last time. She grabbed his shirt to stop him from leaving, but utter horror halted her movements when her hand went through his figure as if he was made of air. Disbelieving, Megumi reached out again, this time to grab the hand that was real, that had touched her face not too long ago. Still she failed to hold him- it was nothing but air that got caught in her firm grasp.

Megumi's face contorted into a mixed expression of hurt and disbelief as she stared at Sanosuke's retreating figure- the hopefulness that had settled in her heart not too long ago left as fast as it came. She watched as he walked steadily without looking back, wondering if he was aware that behind him, a heart was breaking ceaselessly at his sudden departure. Megumi opened her mouth to call out his name but not a single sound came out of it. She desperately screamed his name, over and over until she understood, with great pain, that the surroundings remained still, soundless as ever.

She could not hold him back. Her beloved left her without a single word, an apology or a goodbye.

Giving up, Megumi shrunk to the ground and buried her face in her arms, crying as the memories of her recent parting with Sanosuke swirled incessantly in her mind.

* * *

When she opened her eyes again, Megumi found herself in a small room with walls painted green. She looked up to the ceiling and closed her eyes as the intense illumination momentarily blinded her. She breathed deeply and blinked several times, allowing her eyes to adjust to the great amount of light flooding her vision.

She had been dreaming, Megumi swiftly realized.

She put a trembling hand to her chest and tried hard to calm her wildly racing heart. It was not the first time she had dreams of such nature. Whenever she slumbered, Sanosuke and memories of him and their time together accompanied her. It had been a previously cherished occasion for it assuaged somehow the deep longing in her heart- but maybe not anymore. Lately her dreams were almost like the recent one; Sanosuke seemed to be constantly departing, always embarking on a journey bound for someplace remote and mysterious. She would, in turn, persistently ask him to stay or to take her with him wherever his destination may be. Never did Sanosuke respond. Megumi could not recall a single dream in which her beloved ever spoke a word or two.

Taking in a shuddering breath, Megumi felt grateful that all was just part of a dream- something she could easily wake up from and escape. She could not imagine the extent of anguish that would assault her if those visions became reality. Parting from Sano was the last thing she wanted to happen and she prayed hard that such incident was probable only in her dreams.

Megumi turned to look at the window and there to her surprise, a figure with a mass of red hair stood quietly, his back facing her. She briefly recognized that today was one of the relatively few times she had woken up to the sight of him. She chose to remain soundless, unwilling to bring his seemingly remote attention to her.

Megumi then recalled that the first time she opened her eyes from the lengthy slumber, unfamiliar faces welcomed her. The tender smile and the tearful eyes of her unmistakably overjoyed father were the first things she was able to identify. Her husband was nowhere to be seen.

Although many memories were present in her mind with such great clarity, some however remained hazy and a few she had lost to oblivion. Several parts of her body, her head chiefly, always seemed to be riddled with great pain and she found out later that she could not speak. Megumi was immediately comforted though when the doctors explained that such conditions were in fact impermanent. The physical aches eventually would wear off and also soon she would be able to find her voice again.

"It is a process that shall not be hurried," she could remember hearing the doctors say. Likewise, they carefully elucidated the severity of damage in her legs, but neither that should be a matter of concern. Several months of physical therapy would surely enable her to use her legs again.

Megumi could only listen with half-hearted interest and relief. She could not be completely reassured for there was somebody whose present condition she cared for far more than she did for hers. She knew that Sanosuke was wounded critically too and good news regarding his safety was what she primarily wanted to hear. Unfortunately until now, Megumi remained clueless- fearful and never daring to speak his name to anyone.

His father might have noticed then the frustration and sadness that tainted her features for he comfortingly informed her of Kenshin's whereabouts and his return. She gathered that Kenshin was in the city for a crucial business matter that could not be missed or neglected. Megumi did not know why and cautiously did not allow it to show but her husband's absence felt like a cherished reprieve.

It however did not last very long. A week later, when she could finally speak again and began feeling better, the promised day of Kenshin's arrival ultimately came and Megumi found herself helplessly looking into her husband's lonely amber eyes. She tried but could not recall the last time she looked at them with nothing but love and admiration in her heart.

"How do you feel?" he quietly asked. Listening closely, she was able to detect the poorly hidden trace of indifference in his voice.

"There is still a slight throbbing in my head, excluding that I'm generally fine," she immediately answered, explaining even though she was certain he wasn't wholly interested. Megumi waited a while to hear him speak again, but when Kenshin slowly nodded and then turned his back to busy himself with something else, it swiftly conveyed to her his desire to say nothing more. The following quietness that hung heavily and lingered in the room for several minutes smothered her.

The first conversation they shared after several long months lasted for few unnoticed seconds.

Megumi expected beforehand that the occasion of their reunion would not be such a pleasant one, but never had she prepared herself for the outright unimportance and remoteness she had sensed in her husband's soundless presence.

Perhaps Megumi was too busy remembering that she didn't notice when finally Kenshin turned around to face her.

"You're awake."

His voice took Megumi out of her recollections and back to the current reality. His eyes met hers for an instant before he quickly broke the connection. She watched as he walked towards a small table and started preparing an afternoon snack.

Kenshin slid the knife, with perfect precision and grace, along the outer surface of the apple. Its unbroken strip of peel spiralling as he continued to move the knife towards the base of the fruit where the last of its red skin was located. He sliced the apple into four, put them into a small bowl, and handed it over to her.

While she quite unwillingly took a small bite from the food she was given, Kenshin's eyes moved to the shafts of sunlight filtering through the blinds. They were shining at the colourless, shrivelled petals of the dry flowers on top of a table. The illumination, as he had observed, did nothing to improve the flowers' dead appearance. They still were miserably lifeless despite bathing in the refreshing light the sun had generously given.

Inhaling noisily, Kenshin stood up and gathered the knife and the fruit peels that were scattered on the table. He went to the sink and washed his hands, staring vacantly at the powerful gush of water and listening to the sound it was creating.

"I've been kept in this room for quite a while- I want to go outside. Why won't you take me to the rooftop with you, Kenshin?" Megumi suddenly asked.

"I believe I have told you already that it's freezing out there. It might just do you harm," was his response, trying so hard to mask the irritation and falsehood in his voice.

He lied. It wasn't concern that was keeping him from taking her there- clearly, it was something else. The rooftop was too much of a special place for him and Kaoru to bring Megumi to. Taking his wife there was equivalent to betraying Kaoru and their most cherished bond, he believed. Somehow he had come to regard it as their heaven, their secret refuge that he didn't want to be spoiled by the discovery or presence of other people including Megumi- _especially_ her.

Megumi watched his every movement carefully, not failing to notice the apparent weariness in his movements. Basing her deduction on the way he had been behaving around her, she had become sure that Kenshin already knew. Many times, she would hear his sighs that were seemingly burdened with melancholy and resentment. His gaze couldn't be more vacant. Often, he would stand for one full hour by the window and observed with an utterly blank gaze as the clouds moved sluggishly in the sky. His mind constantly seemed to be wandering to a place she could not reach or gain access to.

All of these- the icy indifference he tried so hard to conceal, the infinite remoteness she could feel even though he was beside her, and the awful quietness he exuded even when she tried talking to him- were enough to tell her that Kenshin certainly knew of the secret she kept from him for the longest time. It was a secret that had pushed them apart, so far that the threads that bound them once were severed into countless fragments she knew she could never reassemble.

Kenshin was so distant and Megumi didn't know how or if she could even bring him back.

Looking up to where he stood, she called out his name twice and only then did she succeed to bring him out of his now usual stupors. He turned to her with the same inexpressive face and sat on the chair by the bedside.

"I know there are a lot of things you want to talk to me about," she said quietly, reaching out for his hand, "Speak now, I'm ready to hear everything."

Kenshin fought the urge to withdraw his hand as she placed hers on top of it. He never thought he could feel immeasurable unfamiliarity towards a person he once knew so much. He willed his mind to think for a while and a protracted, introspective silence hung above them.

Megumi waited patiently, studying his face and the random flicker of his amber eyes. Then she saw his lips curved a little to form a small, cheerless smile.

"At first, I truly wanted to know why you did what you did. I wanted to know if there was a mistake on my part and if I was solely responsible for what happened. I wanted to know what kind of person that man was that you risked our marriage and everything for him. I wanted to know if and how I could take you back. I wanted to know then but not anymore. Not anymore, Megumi," repeated Kenshin, shaking his head. He looked into her eyes, and momentarily saw blue instead of brown.

He didn't want to know anymore. In fact, he felt kind of grateful- for all the faithlessness he had learned, for all the pains he had endured, for all the beliefs he had dropped, and for everything that had happened. For it was because of this hurricane that he had come to know his rescue. It was through this rain of falsehood that he was able to learn the truth. It was through this cloud of darkness that he was able to see hope. It was though this flood of grief that he was able to discover solace.

It was through this hell that he was able to find heaven. His heart was shattered so that it could be whole again. If his wife hadn't committed infidelity, he wouldn't have met Kaoru.

Megumi could only guess as to what thoughts Kenshin was having as his eyes focused on the keyhole of the bureau in front of him. She could do nothing to restrain him from gliding even farther away. She could do nothing as he stood, withdrew his hand from hers, and walked to the window yet again.

"Before, I could not look at you without being reminded of the awful hurt and resentment I believe you taught me how to feel," he said quietly, talking more to himself than to his wife.

"Now, I cannot look at you without wondering who you are. I have forgotten your place in my life, even the fondest feelings I used to have towards you. Nothing can remind me, Megumi, not even the reality of you in front of me. I can't remember and I don't think I ever will."

The calmness in Kenshin's voice almost made Megumi disregard the hurtful meaning of his words. Only then did she realize that this was the price she had to pay for all the misdeeds she was responsible of- taking what already rightfully belonged to another, inflicting deep wounds that may take forever to heal, throwing away a treasure difficult to find again, and exacting woes to innocent people underserving of it.

Megumi knew her actions were indefensible but still she would speak, for confession and apology could be the soil where forgiveness would flourish.

"I apologize for everything," muttered Megumi, who bowed her head low to hide her now watery eyes, "I know it won't change the terrible things I have done or undo the immeasurable hurt I have caused but still I want to tell you that I am deeply sorry, Kenshin. I am sorry."

He turned his back as Megumi cried remorsefully, her shoulders started to shake and muffled sobs escaping irrepressibly from her mouth filled the previously quiet room. His gaze settled on the hotel building that was easily observable from where he was standing and instantly, memories of a blue-eyed woman he missed terribly flooded his mind.

Kenshin realized then that he was carrying the same guilt Megumi was. He sacrificed the purity of their marriage and fell in love with another person the same way she did. He chose to forget what was good and beautiful about the two of them the same way she did. He took back the heart he had given her and allowed it to beat for love for someone else the same way she did. He chose to let the ruins of their marriage sink to nothingness as he started rebuilding his new life around another person.

Indeed, he was not so different from Megumi. He himself was not so clean of the filth that tainted her.

He pardoned her and all her wrongdoings because Kenshin knew he hadn't been faultless either.

"I forgive you," he whispered inaudibly, "And I hope you'll forgive me too."

However, Kenshin knew that forgiveness was not enough to bring everything back to the way it was before. It would neither close the wide gap between them nor re-establish the intimate feelings they once shared. It would simply set him and her free- Kenshin, from the heaviness hurt and resentment had brought, and Megumi, from the burden of guilt.

The pair allowed the contemplative quietness to linger, both deep in their own thoughts. It was after a long while when a recollection crossed Kenshin's mind. He studied Megumi and when he deduced she was prepared for the kind of information he would share, he spoke and finally broke the silence.

"There's something you need to know."

Megumi wiped some remnants of tears from her face and looked up to meet his waiting gaze. Suddenly, an inexplicable dread took hold of her.

"Sanosuke Sagara…," Kenshin trailed off, becoming a little hesitant.

At the mention of the name, Megumi froze and her heart skipped a beat. She looked pleadingly at him, urging him to say the words she didn't know she would never want to hear.

"He passed away."

Megumi let go of the breath she was holding a while ago and then realization came crashing at her, hard, smothering her with absolute pain and disbelief. She tossed away the blanket that was covering her legs and made a gesture to get out of the bed, until Kenshin's firm hand on her shoulder reminded her that she was actually incapable of walking. Stubbornly, she tried moving her feet and escaping from his grip, but to no avail. She wanted to see Sanosuke, to discover for herself that Kenshin was lying and that Sanosuke was still alive, waiting and wishing for her to get better.

Realizing that her efforts were pointless, Megumi finally rested from her struggle and just buried her face in her hands, crying as overpowering sobs escaped from her mouth. The man she loved most and had risked everything for was dead. She didn't even get the last chance to tell him what he truly meant to her and how her time with him was the happiest of her life.

How Megumi wished that she had woken up earlier or that she had never woken up at all- death was much sweeter than a life without Sano was.

Megumi wept and felt her heart break ceaselessly.

Assured that she wouldn't try to get out of bed again, Kenshin exited the room and closed the door behind him soundlessly. He leaned his back against the wall and listened to the muffled sounds indicative of pain, remorse, loss, and helplessness.

Achingly, Kenshin wondered if Kaoru was crying for Sanosuke Sagara in the same way too.

* * *

"Thank you," said Kaoru to her green-eyed friend as she pinned a small, black ribbon to her chest- a symbol indicative of mourning for the dead.

"Don't mention it," the woman responded, smiling a little, "I'll be in the other room to attend to the visitors, come out when you're ready."

Kaoru nodded and reciprocated the quick hug she was given. She watched as the long, braided hair of her friend swayed with the movements of her retreating figure. The departure left her alone in an isolation Kaoru was aware she was quite terrified to face.

Finding a tool nearby, she sat, inhaled deeply, and drowned in the impeccable silence of the small room- the silence that amplified the loudness of guilt that was violently screaming at her from some corner of her mind. Sanosuke died without her by his side. While her husband was fighting for his life, she was out spending joyous time with another man.

It was four in the morning when Sano died because his heart suddenly stopped beating. The medical team tried desperately to revive him but was unsuccessful. "It felt as if he just gave up on living," described one of the doctors to Kaoru. At that moment, she instantly felt that her absence contributed significantly to her husband's passing. Kaoru wasn't sure if her presence had the power to save Sano from the clutches of death or if she still was the inspiration he had to keep on living, but she knew she should have stayed steadfastly by his side- to root for him as he fought, to hold his hand and somehow make him feel that he was awaited, that his life was still of importance to someone and that his ill deeds were already forgiven.

She was his wife. Through thick and thin, it was her duty to stay by his side. It wasn't such an extraordinary obligation yet she failed to honour it.

Indeed Sanosuke had been unfaithful to her. Indeed he had inflicted upon her pain enough to last for a thousand lifetimes, but his death wasn't a fitting price he had to pay for all his wrongdoings. He deserved to live, Kaoru thought. So that he could make amends with the people he had wounded and correct all the mistakes he had committed. Sano could have started anew if only he lived, if only she hadn't been horribly selfish to abandon him when he crucially needed attention and devotion.

Kaoru barely felt the tears that rolled down her face but she was quick to put a hand over her mouth to silence the sobs that had begun filling the small room. In her mind, she wrathfully cursed herself, her stupid choices and her immeasurable selfishness that may have been the real reason why there was a funeral outside. Her husband died because she chose to relish the adulterous, sinful happiness she had with another man.

O, what a heartlessly selfish and iniquitous monster she was.

Kaoru wept bitterly, deliberately allowing herself to drown in a deep flood of guilt-ridden and rueful contemplations.

* * *

Standing dutifully beside her husband's remains, Kaoru bowed to and thanked each one who came up to her to offer words of reassurance and understanding. There was an almost endless stream of friends and family coming to grieve his passing for despite of all, Sanosuke was a good man, one who never thought twice in helping others, in giving what he had to those in grave need, and in standing up for what he believed was right.

Not failing to notice the watery eyes, the listlessness in her movements, and the concealed gloom in her little smile, the visitors talked secretly among themselves of how infinite Kaoru Sagara's loneliness could be. The woman must have been a loving and devoted wife overwhelmed by the agony of prematurely losing her husband. Pity to the widow left alone to mend a heart shattered beyond repair, they all silently thought.

Time passed softly and with very little presence. Evening came and the number of visitors had significantly declined, although a few remained to accompany Kaoru throughout the night. Even as great weariness started creeping on her body, Kaoru didn't consider resting for even a moment. She had failed Sano countless times before- it would kill her to miss the last chance she had to fulfil her duties as his wife.

* * *

Less than an hour before midnight, the door of the funeral hall opened noiselessly to make way for a man Kaoru did not expect to receive but did secretly wish to see. She stood up slowly to acknowledge his secretly cherished arrival, and with eyes that almost instantly started to water, watched as he made his way to her.

Kenshin Himura walked with steps deliberate and silent. In his movements was the subtle grace Kaoru had been perfectly accustomed to and enamoured with. With a stooping bow, he paid his respect to the dead and then turned to face for the first time the mourning widow- the same woman who was the holder of his heart.

"I extend my deepest sympathy, Mrs. Sagara," said Kenshin in a compassionate voice that shook slightly, his heart aching at the necessity to address her formally.

"Thank you for coming, Mr. Himura," Kaoru responded, along with a bow that made some of her hair escape from where they were previously held behind her ears. She sat down and made a gesture instructing him to do the same. The pair sat opposite each other, eyes glued to their respective hands and lips drawn tightly into thin lines. Sanosuke's photograph hanging overhead was symbolically in between them.

Kenshin inhaled deeply, preparing himself for the overwhelming ache he knew he would soon find himself drowned in. He looked up and searched for a pair of lonely sapphire eyes that Kaoru had deliberately hidden behind her fallen ebony locks.

A vicious battle of guilt versus gladness raged inside Kaoru. She was supposed to be smothered by great anguish over her husband's death and the small role she believed she played in it. She was supposed to be deep in grief and remorse- underserving of whatever kind of reprieve. Yet she couldn't help a part of her from feeling comforted, even joyous at being so close to her beloved after such a long while.

"Kaoru," she heard him whispered her name, with soft desperation that sought for her attention. She knew that the moment she looked up to meet his gaze, her heart would yet again be occupied with so much love that had brought her both happiness and pain. It was horribly wrong to allow that to occur, specially now in front of her dead husband's remains. It was horribly wrong but it was what she desperately yearned for. She needed to look into his eyes and bask in the gentle understanding, in the compassionate acceptance that Kenshin was always ready to offer her. She wanted to look into his eyes and feel loved, precious despite her sinfulness and unworthiness.

It was so wrong to feel this way but she desired a little warmth of his affection to help her endure the coldness of her misery.

Tears gathered quickly in her eyes and she stooped her head even lower so that her pain would be hidden from him. Warring emotions of joy against sorrow and of need against control viciously tore her heart apart. She didn't know what she should permit to triumph- the adulterous bliss of Kenshin's company or the befitting grief of Sanosuke's death. While half of her soared to meet the heavens for deliverance, the other half was dragged into the pits for punishment. Kaoru was savagely torn in the process and the pain became too excruciating to hide.

The great efforts she put into staying composed proved to be futile as her face finally broke into a contorted expression indicative of pain and defeat. Her shoulders likewise started quivering and the first restrained sobs escaped from her mouth. The tears that had earlier gathered fell unceasingly from the corner of her eyes. Aware that her disquieted state had become evident to everyone, Kaoru immediately buried her face into her hands and wept- permitting the powerful emotions to take over and further assail her wounded heart.

Another heart broke soundlessly as the widow's muffled sobs filled the air. Kenshin's gaze never left her trembling form as he listened. His hands curled tightly into fists as he tried hard to fight the urgent yearning within him to take her into his arms and crash her body to his. He wanted badly to kiss her tears away, to enclose her in a protective embrace, to shield her from the darting arrows of misery.

He wanted to do so much yet he could do nothing.

He could just watch as in front of him the person he loved most wept as she was being overwhelmed by mighty burdens from which he could not save her. She freed him from the shackles of melancholy- yet now as she was being imprisoned in a remote place where nothing thrived but loneliness, he could not rescue her. She offered him shelter when a storm of heartaches fell hard upon him- yet now as she was being pelted by a torrent of remorse and self-loathing, he could not protect her. Kaoru served as his redemption and, in his head, Kenshin wrathfully cursed himself when he realized he couldn't do the same.

A contemplative silence that was occasionally pierced by Kaoru's soft cries lingered in the room. She kept her face still hidden behind her hands- scared to reveal that she was in so much despair not because of her husband's passing but because of longing for another man, for the one sitting and waiting in front of her.

Seeming to have a life of its own, Kenshin's hand began moving a little to reach for hers. He however was swift to comprehend the inappropriateness of his action and withdrew his hand quite grudgingly. Instead he brought it to his face, to wipe hurriedly a tear that had managed to escape and slide down his cheek. Kenshin bowed his head for a moment and closed his eyes in an attempt to ward off the tears that were yet again beginning to gather- tears that may had been evoked by the onerous sense of helplessness and gloom crushing his whole being. He had no idea why but chose to believe anyway that being there in Sanosuke Sagara's funeral and facing his widow that was left behind, he felt as if he had no right to express any of his personal feelings or desires.

A minute later, when he believed he was ready to look at Kaoru again, Kenshin raised his head and was a little surprised but immensely pleased to find her finally meeting his gaze. She sniffled, wiped the remaining tears away, and flashed a small, sad smile at him. The slight flickering of her swollen sapphire eyes made his heart skip a beat. Afraid that at any moment she may break the precious and long awaited connection, Kenshin immediately bared his sincerest emotions through his eyes- saying through them what he could not through words or actions.

He hoped that it would be enough to make Kaoru realize that his love for her was beyond measure- limitless.

That despite of all the heartaches ravaging both of them, he never regretted falling in love with her.

That whatever it was she may need, he would be there to offer her unending support and help.

That he would forever be her refuge, where she could rest her jaded heart and where she was accepted, cherished for everything that she was.

That he would wait perpetually for her, till she was ready to take his hand and go with him wherever the threads of fate may lead them.

Kaoru allowed herself to be taken away, to be warmed by the powerful emotions burning resolutely in his amber eyes. In them, she saw this beauty that paradoxically blossomed from a tragedy- a love that despite being born amidst the ugly ruins of untruthfulness and hurt was able to flourish into something so genuine, exquisite, and rare.

She watched as his eyes were covered by a thin film of unshed tears, and she fought the compulsion to bring her hand to his face, to ease the immense loneliness she knew was bearing down on Kenshin too. _'I am yours, I am so yours,'_ she desperately wanted to say out loud but couldn't, because occupying her peripheral vision were Sano's cinerary urn and the presence of other people- a constant reminder for her to repress or conceal her feelings no matter how true and powerful they may be.

"I'm sorry," Kenshin suddenly whispered, voice slightly shaking. It was one thought he could not stop himself from verbalizing, for it was what he wanted so much for Kaoru to hear. In that moment when she needed him the most, when her pain was the greatest, all he could do was watch and offer her nothing but his silent presence- and for that he was deeply sorry, infinitely sorry.

The implications of his words and the evident helplessness pained Kaoru- if only she had a way speak freely to him- to declare that there was no reason to be sorry, that he was her peace in this turmoil, and that he, being there, was all she could ever ask for.

The calmness that was restored to Kaoru not too long ago was yet again ruined as a fresh wave of sobs overwhelmed her. Kenshin watched noiselessly and helplessly, never taking his eyes off her unsteady form. If it was the only way he could share her pain, even as it wreaked great havoc upon his already shattered heart, he would stand by Kaoru and watch.

To the people present in the funeral and mutely observing the pair, all they were able to see was a widow deep in grief as she lamented the inopportune passing of her good husband and a man struggling to sympathize with her through awfully limited and hackneyed words. None was able to recognize that quite actually it was a depiction of two contradictory circumstances- one's demise and the other's deliverance.

Little by little, Kenshin died inside as he could do nothing but watch the person he loved most wept, not knowing that the only inspiration she had to go on living was he and the promise of being with him again someday.

* * *

_Press that review button and tell me what you think!_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Standard disclaimer applies. _

_This is the last chapter of this story. As usual, I'm sorry that it took so long to post it. I needed some time to convince myself that the ending I decided on was the appropriate and the best one. The gorgeous song ("This Could Kill Me" by Amy Stroup, which of course I do not own) included in here is from PLL- that show has an awesome soundtrack and I love how they almost always feature indie artists, hands down. If you have the time, listen to this song, it's gold I swear._

_Iuvenalis, __my ever reliable and helpful beta-reader, you rock. Even if I wanted to do things on my own and was always stubborn you never failed to help me. Thank you so much. I have learned a lot and I look forward to working with you again. Best beta-reader ever! _

_To all readers and reviewers, again sorry for my sporadic postings schedules and thank you for staying with me. This is for you guys. I hope you'll see what I truly want you to see._

* * *

**Chapter 12**

* * *

**All is well  
The spell is broken  
**

The key swiveled with a quick movement of her wrist and the snapping sound of the door lock reached her ears. Uncertainly, she pushed open the wooden door and hauled in the two heavy suitcases behind her. The foyer that welcomed her was dim. Piercing in however through a small window above the door was a thin ray from the half-risen sun and the illumination it provided was enough to make moving around possible. In an accustomed fashion, she dropped her keys on the foyer table and then reached for the light switch on the opposite wall.

Kaoru had finally returned home.

The feeling was strange though, she noticed. Wasn't coming home supposed to be a comforting and reviving repose rather than a taxing disquiet?

Going around and trying to retrieve the lost fondness she once held for the place, she quickly observed that everything had remained exactly how it was: The wood in the fireplace that had crumbled into a heap of charred remnants and white ashes was undisturbed. A corner of the rug in the living room was upturned and three of Sano's playing cards littered the stairs. The remote control of the TV was characteristically stuck between the cushions of the couch and his white jacket was haphazardly draped over the armrest. On top of the kitchen island was her half-finished to-do list, an almost empty jug of sake, and two dog-eared recipe books Sano had given to her in their first month of marriage. The alarm clock on the nightstand was still set at five in the morning.

The unchanged state of things was a frozen fraction of time, a glimpse to a not so distant life that was abruptly put on hold but never again could resume, only slowly vanish. In her eyes, the home she and Sano shared was only a stark reminder of all she had held dear and lost, of the person she was and the person she would never be again. It was the onerous anchor of the past, burdening her with the shames of yesterday and overshadowing her anticipation of a restoring future. Moving out and seeking healing elsewhere was obligatory if she wanted to move on, she thought. It was a journey with an indeterminate beginning and even more uncertain ending but Kaoru didn't mind- the need to run away was more persistent than the fear of the uncertainties she knew she would face soon enough.

She went upstairs, running a hand along the railing but quickly withdrawing it upon feeling dust beneath her fingers. Kaoru began packing personal belongings she could not part with or leave behind (such as some books she knew by heart, a kimono set passed down to her by her deceased mother, and an assortment of hair ribbons she had been collecting since childhood). Throwing open the closet doors, she likewise gathered her garments and unceremoniously hurled them into the waiting portmanteaus. The zipper of the overly stuffed luggage however was being stubborn, refusing to budge no matter how much strength she put into pulling it.

Pausing for a minute, Kaoru let her attention be sought fully by an object in her peripheral vision. She walked towards it, disobeying a small voice of reluctance at the back of her mind. It was a rack of Sano's clothes and her hand reached mechanically for the fabric of a particular business suit, fingers following the path of the pinstripes. The next thing she knew, the recollections of the previous day she had been successful in shunning were now parading overwhelmingly wild before her eyes.

**I am here with you  
For a moment**

The day of Sano's interment was paradoxically a beautiful one. There wasn't a single tendril of cloud in the sky, allowing the sun to shine in its full glory and might. The spring air smelled sweetly of the nature's long awaited renaissance. The birds glided in the air and twittered in a tone almost sounding to be of jubilation, as if there wasn't a dead husband to finally say goodbye to or a widow to be left alone with nothing but a guilty conscience and a host of unanswered questions. The minister's speech hazily registered on Kaoru's mind- it being sidetracked by the frequent sobs and gentle murmurs of sympathy from those who came to share with her the sorrow of that day. Eventually, the urn holding Sanosuke Sagara's cremated remains was wrapped in a velvet bag and then lowered into the ground. Tears ceaselessly slid down her face as Kaoru shut her eyes, muttering the silent prayer she had already prayed a hundred times before.

'_The wounds inflicted upon my heart have led me to harbor so much hatred and unhappiness, so much that it left no room for compassion and forgiveness. But those wounds, as I think you might have already known, have started to get better, soothed by the deep affection I have both given to and received from another man- for that I am deeply sorry. I am guilty: I have never been a perfect wife. I couldn't make you a decent meal or identify with that wild, daring side of yours. I have chosen to forget all that was good and beautiful about us as I let my foolish heart latch onto someone else's. I have deserted your side when you needed support and assurance the most. For all of my wrongdoings and selfishness, Sano, I apologize and pray that you will find it in your heart to forgive me- the same way I have forgiven you._

_Wherever you may be, may you find the happiness and peace you did not find during our time together. I promise to lovingly remember you every once in a while, without any hint of hurt or resentment in my heart, but to be able to do that…I ask for your help. Will you comfort me as I move on and bless me the strength I know I will need to face life alone?_

_Thank you for everything. Rest now and goodbye, dear husband, old friend.'_

When Kaoru opened her eyes again she was being led out of the cemetery by the gentle, supportive arms of a green-eyed friend. Allowing herself to be guided, she walked on with slow yet steady steps, never looking back to where not only her existence as Kaoru Sagara concluded but also to where her life as a widow truly began.

Blinking and shaking her head a little, Kaoru snapped out of her contemplation. Her gaze travelled to the soft fabric she had been stroking a little while ago. A very faint trace of loneliness tugged at her heart and she hurriedly returned Sano's coat to where it was previously hanging inside the closet. She then made a mental note to call later the only relative of Sano's she knew and to whom she had entrusted the care of the would-be abandoned house.

Letting go of a heavy sigh, Kaoru refocused her attention to the bags she were packing and looked around for a while to make sure she hadn't left anything of importance. She went downstairs and turned out all the lights, going from room to room with deliberate carefulness and silence in all her movements. She slid her keys into her coat pocket and, without even merely stealing a backward glance to the house that was again plunged into darkness, shut the door behind her. Kaoru's hand lingered a little on the knob before lastly and literally letting go of the past that would now and forever be left behind.

* * *

Kenshin had given Kaoru three weeks of peace and freedom, a time he knew she needed and wanted to herself. Maybe such time wasn't enough to thoroughly eliminate the remorse and confusion encumbering her mind, but he was feeling certain that it was enough time for her to decisively make a decision regarding whatever it was that was between them.

**Look in your eyes  
****Close as we'll ever be**

Those three weeks had been agonizingly difficult for him- it had been a vicious struggle to keep himself in control of all his muddled emotions. After the night she vulnerably broke down when he paid her a visit of condolence, it had immediately become impossible to ignore the imperative yearning to rescue Kaoru from such great wretchedness and to hide her in the protection of his arms. Actually, on one too many occasions he had found himself standing outside the funeral hall, hiding behind some shadowed corner, and praying desperately for a chance to see her again. Guilt then instantly assaulted his thoughts, making him question himself and wonder about the consequences of his actions.

Was he not the sole reason for all of Kaoru's anguishes? If he had not let his feelings grow and drag her into this chaotic, adulterous love affair, then she would have been less hurt and guilt-ridden. If he had not been horribly selfish to assert her as his, to take her away from her husband's bedside so that she was there when _that_ man was trapped between life and death, then she would not have been this caught up in a tangled web of sorrow, self-hatred, and regret. Kenshin realized then that all this time he had been the root of all of Kaoru's pain, the same pain that he so wanted to ease. He was being cruelly insensitive too: Sanosuke Sagara was dead, friends and families were grieving his death and he was callously insulting his memory by desiring Kaoru and searching for an opportunity to steal her away. What kind of monster he was to disrespect a dead man and his mourning loved ones.

Mulling over these realizations riddled Kenshin's conscience with such great guilt and shame. He then grudgingly left, ignoring the throbbing in his chest as he soundlessly walked away. Now was not the right time to act.

He tried distracting himself whenever memories of Kaoru came too close to consciousness. In lieu of locking himself up in his hotel room, Kenshin devoted some of his time to taking care of the indifferent and dispirited Megumi. They spoke disinterestedly to each other for a few times a day, neither of them making even the littlest effort to improve such arrangement. Still, in the middle of the night when the stillness was perfect and pensive, he would lie helpless in his bed as his mind wandered amidst the uncountable memories of Kaoru. He would dial her number every time an irrepressible desperation seized him and then instantly hang up when awareness of his actions dawned. He missed her terribly and what he wouldn't give to see the sincerest affection in her eyes and the wholehearted welcome of her smile.

For three long, tormenting weeks, Kenshin had successfully ignored all the urges of calling her. But today, despite summoning control of his raging emotions, he failed- or more correctly, he gave up. The yearning to feel the comfort and calm her of presence became too overpowering to resist or not heed. He needed to see her and he needed to see her _now_.

Kaoru was being uncooperative however.

**Is this love**  
**This could kill me**

Pressing the mobile phone to his ear, Kenshin let out a disappointed sigh when the voice operator he had been hearing since morning spoke again. How many times he had tried to reach her he couldn't tell. All he knew was that all of the calls he'd made were constantly forwarded to the voice mailbox and none of them were ever returned.

"Kaoru, please call me as soon as you're ready," he said beseechingly after the all too familiar beeping on the other line, "Putting this off won't get us anywhere. _We_ need to talk."

He hung up and stared at the device in his hand, wondering if she was purposely shunning him because she'd decided to let go of the beautiful though unjust intimacy they shared or because she had not made up her mind yet. Kenshin was a little uncertain of what he'd do if Kaoru would choose to give up on them. Of course, he was confident of the affections Kaoru held deeply for him but what worried him was the kindness and self-sacrifice abundant in her heart. She had that habit of recklessly putting others before herself, even the person who shattered the peace in her life. Upon learning of Megumi's improving condition, Kaoru immediately pushed him away. _"I will not hold you back, Kenshin. I really wish you'll be able to find happiness with her again. Hurry and go, your wife needs you- now more than ever,"_ those were her exact words, he remembered clearly. Sometimes, the unlimited compassion natural to Kaoru could be more profound than the love she had for him.

The loud dinging of the elevator bell brought Kenshin out of his thoughts. His feet felt heavy and his heart heavier as he stepped out to the hospital hallway he had grown accustomed to. The predictable noises of the chattering medical staff reached his ears and they grew louder as he neared them. Forcing a small smile to his lips and inclining his head towards their direction, he regarded their almost simultaneous greeting and continued on his way. He was turning around a corner when a blur of black tresses registered on his peripheral vision.

Kenshin felt a sinking feeling in his chest when he immediately realized that the woman a few feet from him was not the person he had unconsciously hoped she would be. It was Megumi, cradled in a wheelchair and staring at the panoramic view of the nearby sea. He crossed his arms, leaned back on the wall and observed, purposefully silencing his movements so that his presence would remain undetected by her.

**Losing choices with this love**  
**The simple way was not for us  
********It never was  
********It never was  
********This could kill me**

Megumi looked undeniably better than she did the first time she had stirred out of coma. The natural color that tinted her cheeks was returning and she had regained already the several lost pounds. Apparent however was the missing sharpness and wit that were typically present in her eyes and the burn scars that ran along the entire length of her forearms. Excluding that and her temporarily unreliable legs, it could be inferred that she could recuperate and continue…on her own, Kenshin thought and tried convincing himself.

Actually, Megumi had not fully adapted to a life in a wheelchair- she still had major difficulties maneuvering the chair in small spaces and she knocked things over every now and then. There were also a few slow-healing burns that ran along the sides of her trunk. They restrained her movements and he could remember hearing her hissed in discomfort whenever she tried extending her arms. Could he really leave her alone then, especially now when attention and support were indispensable for the long period of physical therapy she would have to undergo?

It was not like she would be absolutely alone, of course. Her father would definitely attend to her needs and such devotion would help heal her physical injuries, Kenshin believed.

But Megumi wasn't just physically injured. Sanosuke's death hurt far more than any of her injuries did. The first and last time she had let the great woe in her heart show was the morning he broke the news of his death. That she was afterwards able to conceal the incalculable pain didn't mean that she wasn't hurting as much anymore. Sometimes, hints of longing and grief were recognizably reflected in her eyes, particularly whenever she thought nobody was around…such as now.

Kenshin's eyes remained on her seated form. Her gaze however had dropped to a nonexistent spot on the tiled floor. Desperation and something that looked very much like anger tainted her facial features before she firmly gripped each of the armrests. Trying to get out of the wheelchair, Megumi pushed herself up and her face contorted to an expression suggestive of immense pain. Kenshin rushed over and grasped her shoulders, his hands coaxing her gently back to her seat.

"I can't believe you're doing this again," he spoke, a face indicative of slight irritation and concern meeting her shocked gaze, "I thought you already realize that mere determination will not enable you to walk again. Healing takes time."

The hurt that washed over her countenance made him regret his bluntness. He picked up the small blanket that fell to the floor and carefully draped it over her lap. He stepped back and walked nearer to the window, making sure to reestablish a safe distance between them- a habit that he and she had concurrently developed.

"I know, I'm sorry," said Megumi, voicing the apology that Kenshin believed was supposed to come from him. Feeling guilty like a child chastised by her parents, she stooped her head low and let her long hair to cascade like a waterfall around her face. She needed something to cover her eyes, she thought, for imminent was her breakdown.

Megumi had admitted a long time ago that she was guilty of so much sinfulness and that for all of it she deserved to be penalized. The ugly scars that marred her body, her legs that she couldn't put to use, the guilt she would carry for the rest of her life, and the infinite distance between her and her once-cherished husband- for all of the sufferings that she knew were to come she had prepared herself. But never had Megumi thought that the heavens would be as forbidding as to bequeath upon her the one punishment she knew she could never bear- the loss of her beloved. She missed Sano, so much she yearned to run away, to follow him wherever he'd gone and to spend the rest of eternity by his side. So every time an opportunity presented itself, she'd try to stand, to flee…but she was constantly arrested by either an authoritative conscience or a physical restraint.

She was a hopeless captive- fettered by dysfunctional legs and prisoned in a wheelchair.

Five minutes of heavy silence passed before the first stifled sobs from Megumi punctuated the air around them. She had tried her hardest to defeat the urge to cry, but the agony had become too great that it sought release. Finally giving in, she wept.

"Did you love _him_?"

She raised her head, flabbergasted. Her eyes were unmet though as Kenshin kept his glued to the panorama the window had so generously provided. She had anticipated him to be utterly silent, as how he had always behaved around her since her infidelity came to light.

"W-what?" She asked, voice shuddering. She needed to make sure that what she had heard was real, accurate, not illusory.

"_Sanosuke._ Did you love him?" He spoke his name slowly. For reasons that were unknown even to himself, he raised a question to which he already knew the answer.

Megumi let her gaze fall, the silence was so flawless that she could almost hear the sound of her tears falling on her fisted hands. It was after a little while when she found her voice again.

"I did."

"How much?"

"So much that I almost want to…follow him." A fresh wave of sobs overwhelmed her and violently her shoulders shivered. She was defenseless against the host of ruthless emotions of loss and longing that were ripping her heart into countless fragments.

'_I know the feeling well_,' he thought, '_For_ _I, too, long for her_.' Only then did he begin to comprehend that the despair wreaking havoc on Megumi wasn't so different from his. Kenshin turned to look at her, his eyes shone with sympathy as he watched a gentle ray of the setting sun hit her moistened face.

**All is well**  
**The spell is broken**  
**I am here with you**  
**For this moment**

He had underestimated her pain and the likeness between them. If there was another person, like him, who was fraught by the hurt and helplessness of falling in love with the right person at the wrong time- it was Megumi. If there was another heart, like his, who sought to be unchained so that it could offer itself to someone else- it was hers. If there was one who could identify with the incalculable melancholy and guilt tearing him from the inside, it was his wife, who just like him had intensely loved another and found herself wounded, broken in the end.

With an unusual hint of uncertainty in his movements, he knelt in front of her and placed his hands over her knees. Megumi, all too consumed in her own grief, did not respond to his gentle touch and instead buried her face in her hands. She whispered Sano's name like a litany, as if the mere reiteration would bring him back from the land of the dead.

"I understand," Kenshin declared, his eyes flashing with such vulnerability as his thoughts wandered to a certain blue-eyed woman. Oh, how he longed to feel the welcoming, restorative embrace of Kaoru's arms, to gaze at the boundless understanding in her eyes, and to bathe in the uplifting light of her whole being.

He laid his head on top of his hands, listened to her muffled words, and sighed.

Yes, for the first time in a very long while, he had come to understand that once again he and Megumi shared a parallel emotion: the yearning for a beloved who was anything but out of reach.

* * *

Kaoru knew she was intruding and the awareness had evoked a voice in her mind telling her with an alarming imperativeness to turn away and leave, yet she could not. She could just stand- frozen and hushed- as a scene unfolded before her eyes, breaking every little bit of her resolution.

She had arrived earlier in the small seaside town with only one clear thought in her wildly muddled mind- she wanted to see Kenshin, and maybe even ask him to come along with her on a journey that would begin in sinful selfishness but might end in redeeming freedom. Kaoru would take him back, and after three long hours of the train's transit, she had successfully persuaded herself that not even the gaping hole of guilt left by Sanosuke's death could stop her from doing so.

Walking on the familiar road leading to the hotel, Kaoru spotted a blur of red moving on the other side of the street. An inexplicable sense of fear seized her and though her mind acted quickly to extinguish it, her feet had quickly moved to seek refuge behind the trunk of a wide cherry blossom tree. Hiding, Kaoru watched as Kenshin continued on his way, walking with that simple grace she had been enamored with and missed terribly. The glow of the setting sun made his hair seemed like embers drifting in the warm spring air, and his downcast amethyst eyes told her all the warring emotions he was trying to keep under strict control. Missing from his lips was the gentle smile that he always used to conceal (especially from her) the onerous sense of loneliness and guilt that she knew was lurking in the deepest recesses of his fractured heart.

Kenshin Himura seemed so uncharacteristically vulnerable, this she quickly realized.

**Look in your eyes  
****Close as we'll ever be**

With movements executed with utmost cautiousness, Kaoru followed him to the hospital. She climbed the stairs when he entered the elevator, certain and a little disheartened that his destination was Megumi's hospital room at the seventh floor. She quickened her pace, her mind racing with a wild paranoia- she was afraid that Kenshin wasn't just literally slipping away, that maybe once he was in Megumi's company she would lose all her resolve and power to take him along with her. No, she had lost someone dear to her, had tasted a nasty treachery and defeat before. This was her last time to prove she was stronger than that.

But when she arrived, the sight a few meters from where she was standing had so effortlessly casted a spell that turned her feet to jelly and her heart to a waning candlelight. She leaned on the wall for support, squinting as tears instantly crowded her vision; and though the sting was hellish, she watched as Kenshin knelt in front of Megumi and laid his hands over her knees. Megumi hurriedly covered her face as a sob overwhelmed her, only then did she notice the burn scars that ran along the entire length of her forearms.

He was near, she could call out his name and she was certain he would heed it. He was near, she could tell him her plans and ask him to go away with her on a journey that may never end. He was near, she could run to him and embrace him like she'd never let go. Kenshin was near, but he was nearer to _her_.

**This is love**  
**This could kill me**

When he laid his head on top of his hands, the dejection all too evident in his movements, Kaoru was able to find her strength again and she walked back to hide behind some shadowed corner along the corridor, listening to the not-so distant sounds of anguish.

Maybe she was wrong- maybe she didn't need Kenshin as much as Megumi needed him. Megumi had been through so much: she had wallowed between life and death, had been brought back to existence only to be sent by Sano's death to a limbo yet again. Her mind was burdened with an enormous guilt, her body scarred by numerous burns, and her soul prisoned in her own incapacitated body. How could all of Megumi's sufferings compare to her, she who had nothing but a fragmented heart to reassemble and a disarrayed mind to clear? Oh how petty her needs were and how lavish her selfishness was.

Maybe she was delusional- maybe Kenshin's affections didn't run as deep as she had originally believed. Who knew somewhere in his heart he had always reserved a special place for Megumi, one she could always return to and claim, one where he constantly waited for the rekindling of their love, where he longed to welcome her with open arms the moment she wept and implored his forgiveness. Then Kenshin Kaoru knew was kind, too kind. He could forgive anyone- anyone except himself.

Maybe she truly was stronger than this- maybe there was more strength in letting go than fighting to hold on. After all, it was tougher to throw down your weapon, raise your hands, and surrender when all you desperately wanted to do was fight till the bitter end. Like a sun retreating to the brink of the world so that the moon could shine and painting the sky with hundred streaks of divine colors, like a phoenix that died amidst a raging firestorm only to be reborn more glorious and iridescent than ever, like a tree shedding its leaves in the autumn so that it could endure the biting iciness of winter and then bloom again with the promise of hope and restoration - there was so much splendor in losing and sacrifice.

Kaoru Kamiya never looked more beautiful as she weakly wiped her tears with the back of her hand, straightened her back, and noiselessly walked away.

**Losing choices with this love**  
**The simple way was not for us****  
**

* * *

The second train that stopped before her on the terminal platform had just departed. Kaoru watched as it moved gradually before zipping into the darkened horizon. She stared at the diminishing silhouette until finally it, like the murmurs of the passengers that had alighted and seemingly excited to get home, faded into nothingness. Left again in the solitary of the terminal, Kaoru was looking at the tall Victorian lamp before her when something cold landed on the bridge of her nose.

It was snowing…in spring, in April.

The snow along with the pink petals of the cherry blossom trees fell steadily around her in a nature's dance that was indescribably beautiful and tranquil.

Kaoru retrieved her phone and stared at the device in her hand, addressing the challenge that had instantly presented itself. If she made the call and found herself drowned by the closeness of his voice, could she resist the urge to go back, could she surmount the great hurt that would shatter her heart? She didn't know, but decided that she would allow herself just this last time, just one more moment of him before finally walking out of his life and then into the waiting limbo.

She dialed his number and after the first ring she heard him called her name, in tone that was both relieved and beseeching. Kaoru took in shuddering breath and spoke, even as she had predicted that her voice would crack and tears would fall.

"I'm sorry and goodbye, my beloved.''

Hastily, Kaoru covered the microphone of her phone as a sob escaped her mouth and threatened her composure. She fell on an empty bench, reluctantly hanged up the phone, and clutched it to her heart- she never heard as Kenshin, on the other line, shouted then resignedly broke down and wept.

**It never was**  
**It never was**  
**This could kill me**

* * *

_A/N: (Avoids the shoes thrown at her) I know, I'm sorry if I can't give you what you want. I actually had an epilogue in mind but decided against it when the recent events in my life taught me that this version was better and more meaningful. There is a truth we all have trouble accepting, and that is..._

_Please tell me what you think, whatever your thoughts may be. Thank you!_


End file.
